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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this rude or is it just what people say?

100 replies

MintyChops · 08/05/2014 13:45

Today I told a mum at DS2's crèche that we are expecting DC3 in the autumn. Her first response was "Oh! Was it planned?". Nobody said this to me when we announced our first two but it has happened a few times now this time round. I wouldn't dream of saying this to anyone, I think it's quite rude. A simple "congratulations" would suffice IMO.

I am 40 by the way and I don't know her at all well, just to say hello to....

OP posts:
CurlyBlueberry · 08/05/2014 13:52

I think it's rude and unthinking.

RobinSparkles · 08/05/2014 13:57

It is rude but I've heard many people ask it. I think that people just let their nosiness get the better of them.

PrincessBabyCat · 08/05/2014 13:57

Well. Was it? Grin

I was asked that too when I told people. I just laugh and answer back with "Oh.. you want to know if we purposely didn't use a condom or not". They get why the question is pretty strange.

The subtext is did you really want 3 kids? The typical number of kids is two, so a third is sort of a surprise to some people. But I wouldn't read too deep into it.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/05/2014 13:57

I don't think it's all that rude. It's just another of those 'things people say' to sound interested when they can't think of anything else. You've got two DCs already, one small enough to be in a crèche so the curiosity is understandable. Planned as opposed to happy accident...

GiveTwoSheets · 08/05/2014 13:57

Thats a rather personal random question for someone to ask.

Anyway Congratulations x

LineRunner · 08/05/2014 13:58

And the answer is, 'What the fuck has that got to do with you?'

HeartShapedBox · 08/05/2014 13:58

ha, I got this a lot 3rd time around, people assumed because I already had one of each, and had them all close together, that ds2 was an accident.

it's rude, but just ignore.

clapofthunder · 08/05/2014 13:59

What will the age gap be between DC2 and DC3?

I'm always a little surprised when theres such a small age gap but that's because I'm thinking woah that's a lot of hard work.

Maybe she meant it like that?

Still it is rude and none of her business, and it's not something I would say.

HeartShapedBox · 08/05/2014 13:59

oh, and congratulations!

HellonHeels · 08/05/2014 14:01

Good god. That is really rude.

Congratulations though!

eurochick · 08/05/2014 14:02

I think the correct answer is "No, I just slipped and landed on a c0ck".

LineRunner · 08/05/2014 14:03

"...and it went off in my cunt"

Safyre · 08/05/2014 14:04

I got multiple comments like this when we announced I was expecting DC2 (DS will be 22 months when the baby arrives). We also got 'You don't hang around, do you?' and similar. I didn't really consider them rude, more just that it was absolutely none of their business!

Admittedly I did laugh at one of them - a close friend of DH's asked 'I know winter is boring, but don't you guys have a TV?'

Congratulations!

foolonthehill · 08/05/2014 14:04

wait 'til you announce number 4 is on the way and none of the other 3 singletons are in school yet.........Grin

congratulations!

dancestomyowntune · 08/05/2014 14:05

Ttc dc5 here,

Had it with dc3 and dc4. Also had lots of "is your telly broken?" Type comments.

Very rude IMO!

SignoraStronza · 08/05/2014 14:06

"Oh yes of course, we've been having loads of sex." Accompanied by a very smug/contented smile.

ScarlettlovesRhett · 08/05/2014 14:06

Not rude, what Cogito said is exactly how I would have taken it.

If it was planned, you answer "yes", if not then you say "happy accident" - nothing to be offended by imo.

Ilovehamabeads · 08/05/2014 14:12

It IS rude but probably wasn't meant as such. I remember once when DD1 was a baby, a checkout assistant making conversation with me and telling me she was expecting no 2. I immediately exclaimed 'oh no!!' which as soon as it came out my mouth I knew had been incredibly rude but was just how I would have felt having 2 kids at the time I was barely coping with 1!! Mouth engaged before brain and I was really embarrassed.
Congratulations by the way :)

shitatusernames · 08/05/2014 14:14

I had someone say to me that 3 children was more than enough, after I said I wasn't having anymore, I was 17 when I had my eldest and waited 10 years to have my middle one, I'm now 33 weeks pregnant with baby number 4, she made it sound like I was popping one out every year!!

AmenGirl · 08/05/2014 14:22

Oh my goodness hamabeads! What did she say?

Original poster
MintyChops · 08/05/2014 14:30

Ha ha ha, I WISH I had said that I had slipped and landed on a cock that went off in my cunt!!!

I think she didn't mean to be rude but it's sort of like saying "could you not use a condom?" She said it in a "oh my goodness, haven't you got enough on your plate" kind of way. The age gap will be 22 months by the way.

At least she didn't say "Oh no!" - hamabeads, you must have DIED when that slipped out!

OP posts:
Original poster
MintyChops · 08/05/2014 14:33

Oh and it was planned!!

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 08/05/2014 14:35

"No, we were trying a different brand of condom and I've posted a no-star review on Amazon. But it may have been DH's fingernails, I warned him to cut them. Now fuck off"

Congratulations. Threads like yours remind me of the seven occasions when I have heard that I am going to be an uncle and two about being a great-uncle!

NoImSpartacus · 08/05/2014 14:38

Not rude, just making convo.. some people are over sensitive and look for issues with people, imho.

mum2jakie · 08/05/2014 14:41

I got this from everybody when I was expecting number three -especially the in laws! I found it pretty rude tbh - we can use contraception thanks.