Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To judge parenting at softplay

93 replies

catgirl1976 · 06/05/2014 18:54

Just taken DS to softplay. It was very quiet, just us and another family with a child about DS's age (2) though he could have been 3

Other boy was pretty rough in the the ball pond, throwing balls at DS's face and shoving him and jumping on him, but toddlers can be like that so I didn't mind too much.

He started talking to me and was pretty rude (in a shouty, demanding way) but again, only looked very little so.....

Then he wanders off, returns with a packet of Quavers which he proceeds to eat in the ball pond. At this point I was a bit judgeypants.

Parents of this child nowhere to be seen in the play area. Later saw they were sat in the coffee bit reading the Sun (judged choice of paper a bit along with total lack of concern for the whereabouts / behaviour of their DC)

But then DS and I were sat at a table and the little boy came over and sat down at it. Looked over at his parents who were too engrossed in the Sun to notice.

I made polite conversation with the little boy. Who then spat a load of Haribo sweets all over the floor. Which I cleaned up as his parents were not paying him any attention.

Then he grabbed my can of Diet Coke and started drinking it. At this stage was torn between annoyance that he had drank my bloody coke and concern he shouldn't be having diet coke (possibly, mine isn't maybe he is allowed it but I had no way of knowing) and also concern he might cut his tongue on the can.

At this point I said "Are you allowed to have that?" loudly enough to get his mother to look up from her paper.

She came over, grabbed his arm really roughly and said "You'll cut your tongue, put it back".

Didn't apologise to me and then went back to her paper leaving him sat at our table with me looking at my toddler drooled in drink.

AIBU to have hoicked my judgey pants? Or am I a joyless old bint who should be more tolerant of other children's behaviour?

OP posts:
brokenhearted55a · 06/05/2014 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catgirl1976 · 06/05/2014 18:57

I tried saying "I think your mummy is looking for you" but to no avail. He just looked at me and carried on

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 06/05/2014 18:58

I would have hoiked too.

AndHarry · 06/05/2014 19:00

I would have taken him to his mum. Nicely but making it clear that he was being a pain.

brokenhearted55a · 06/05/2014 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NutellaLawson · 06/05/2014 19:02

poor kid. He probably wished you'd take him home.

heronsfly · 06/05/2014 19:03

YANBU I took my dgd to a soft play area last week, one small boy probably about 3 was going down the slide, then walking back up the slide again to have another go, several other small ones were waiting a turn at the top of the steps, his mother not only let him continue but laughed !!!!! maybe im just getting old and grumpy Grin

PenelopeChipShop · 06/05/2014 19:03

Good grief. Mine is nearly two and I'm still at the following him everywhere to pick him up / tell him not to snatch toy / stop him climbing the walls stage. Can't imagine just sitting there with the paper in under a years time, so I would have expected a bit more too I think. Mind you I would probably be judged for being a 'helicopter parent' on here...

catgirl1976 · 06/05/2014 19:04

I was bloody tempted Grin

If he wasn't so little and I wasn't so soft I would have done

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 06/05/2014 19:07

Plus, I'm trying to teach DS how to behave and when other children are acting up with no one intervening I can see him thinking "How come he can do that and I can't hmmmmm"

I did feel sorry for the little boy really though :( (though not enough to want to take him home)

OP posts:
Fairylea · 06/05/2014 19:08

Lack of supervision annoys me too. I think if you have a young toddler (especially under 3) you really need to be in there supervising them as you were. I have a son of nearly 2 and i'm right in there crawling on my hands and knees helping him climb through everything and talking to him. It's knackering and whatever else but he loves it and I treat it like a chance for us to be together doing something fun. A lot of parents seem to turf them in there and sit on their bums drinking tea and ignoring their child.

It's fine to sit on your bum and drink tea when they are old enough to be safe and involved in their own little games ... but not when they are very little. I am looking forward to being able to have a tea / coffee / cake at some point !!

maddening · 06/05/2014 19:11

yanbu - under 4 you should really be with them in softplay imo - I also internally judge parents of tiny ones who do this- it is shit and lazy and the little ones obviously want someone to play with them as when I am going round with ds (3yr 4 mths) I always get hanger ons, whose parents are ignoring them, wanting to play and chat.

CorporateRockWhore · 06/05/2014 19:11

This is the bit of Mumsnet that bores me witless. Can we just all stop judging each other for five fucking minutes?

catgirl1976 · 06/05/2014 19:13

AIBU would collapse with out judginess :)

OP posts:
Sigyn · 06/05/2014 19:16

Full house!

CorporateRockWhore · 06/05/2014 19:17

Possibly catgirl very possibly.

moonegirl · 06/05/2014 19:21

Yabu- you can't judge a parent from an hour in a playgym. Who knows what their circumstances were, the mum might have been up all night and just needed to occupy him while she had a 'rest'

I remember going to a playgym with my 3dc's age nearly 4, 2 and 10wks. I was exhausted, and just needed to get out of the house.
The nearly 4 yr old was in the ball pool just out of sight (I was feeding the baby) he started being really cheeky to a mum in there and started spitting at her. The owner of the playgym who knew me well, saw him and let me know. I was mortified, he was usually so well behaved but was playing up with the new baby. I obviously apologised to the other mum and the playgym owner confirmed my dc were usually well behaved.
I would hate to think that mum judged me as a parent on that one time at the playgym.

catgirl1976 · 06/05/2014 19:24

There was a mum and a dad. They could have taken it in turns to supervise.

I know we all get exhuasted and need a break but I got the distinct impression this was not a one off for this child and he didn't get a lot of attention generally.

I appreciate that might be ill founded, but I'm afraid I did judge. I try not to but on this occasion I couldn't help myself.

OP posts:
RosiePosiePing · 06/05/2014 19:34

YANBU. I went to softplay last week. There was a 3/4 year old running round sockless....I suppressed my inner judginess. He then took his trousers off and was running round in just his pants Shock.

His mum thought I was being unreasonable when I pointed it out to staff and they asked her to put them back on. I judged her for this and the more worrying fact that her child went round hitting and throwing things with a look of anger on his face that made me Sad

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 06/05/2014 19:35

It's one thing judging in private, quite another starting threads on a public forum in an attempt to justify it.

Billygoats · 06/05/2014 19:35

YABU for being so rude about their choice of newspaper. How was this relevant to their parenting?

The beauty of soft play is its 'soft' and usually very secure so they can go off and explore, I see a lot of parents letting their children wander off and reading newspapers (I don't care which one they read) it doesn't make them bad parents.

stargirl1701 · 06/05/2014 19:38

My teacher self just can't help it in these situations.

A child tried to grab a crayon off me shouting, 'Give, give" and without even thinking, I replied, "No! You mean please may I have?'

He shuffled off Grin

TheScience · 06/05/2014 19:39

I try not to do any parenting at softplay, I go to sit down and drink a coffee while it's hot. I take an 18 month old and a 3 year old and don't supervise.

catgirl1976 · 06/05/2014 19:40

I do judge people who read the Sun. It's not relevant to their parenting but I come from a family of Liverpool fans and I disagree with page 3, so I judge.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 06/05/2014 19:40

It does make them bad parents if they then fail to parent their child.