To judge parenting at softplay

[catgirl1976]

Just taken DS to softplay. It was very quiet, just us and another family with a child about DS's age (2) though he could have been 3

Other boy was pretty rough in the the ball pond, throwing balls at DS's face and shoving him and jumping on him, but toddlers can be like that so I didn't mind too much.

He started talking to me and was pretty rude (in a shouty, demanding way) but again, only looked very little so.....

Then he wanders off, returns with a packet of Quavers which he proceeds to eat in the ball pond. At this point I was a bit judgeypants.

Parents of this child nowhere to be seen in the play area. Later saw they were sat in the coffee bit reading the Sun (judged choice of paper a bit along with total lack of concern for the whereabouts / behaviour of their DC)

But then DS and I were sat at a table and the little boy came over and sat down at it. Looked over at his parents who were too engrossed in the Sun to notice.

I made polite conversation with the little boy. Who then spat a load of Haribo sweets all over the floor. Which I cleaned up as his parents were not paying him any attention.

Then he grabbed my can of Diet Coke and started drinking it. At this stage was torn between annoyance that he had drank my bloody coke and concern he shouldn't be having diet coke (possibly, mine isn't maybe he is allowed it but I had no way of knowing) and also concern he might cut his tongue on the can.

At this point I said "Are you allowed to have that?" loudly enough to get his mother to look up from her paper.

She came over, grabbed his arm really roughly and said "You'll cut your tongue, put it back".

Didn't apologise to me and then went back to her paper leaving him sat at our table with me looking at my toddler drooled in drink.

AIBU to have hoicked my judgey pants? Or am I a joyless old bint who should be more tolerant of other children's behaviour?

yabu about the sun, often places like that have papers lying around and perhaps that was all there was to read!

perhaPS ANOTHer parent left it there and she grabbed it!

Our soft play has notices saying socks must be worn as well. If you don't have socks they will sell you some disposable socks for £1.

They say it's for safety and hygiene reasons, and they also ask for long sleeved tops to be worn by children using the big slides.

Apparently bare skin can be at risk of friction burns on the slides and hard plastic areas, toes can get stuck in netting and they don't want verucas or athletes foot etc to be passed on by children being barefoot.

I suspect they really just want the sock revenue

Ah, I hadn't thought about toes being ripped off and other such cheery things. I just remember it was A RULE and dd was a stickler for rules, I never really bothered to wonder why socks were so important whilst I was tracking them down.
You'll all be pleased to know ds still has all his toes .

Another unapologetic helicopter. The way I see it my helicoptering keeps DD (18months) happy and safe and doesn't impact on anyone else but the pushy hitty spitty unsupervised ones are a nightmare (obviously there are nice little unsupervised ones too but don't see that my supervising is really hurting anyone)

basgetti

Totally agree, you sit with your paper and let other parents supervise your child!

I have seen bloody noses at soft play where a child has been punched, I have seen children kicked in the head, full on fight, spit and deliberately dribble all over stuff...

I totally trusted my DD having watched her for 3 years at toddler groups, but had to keep on watching her as she was small and was drawn to the most lively boys...who played rough.

Having had to watch her whilst she was young, I also witnessed atrocious behaviour from other children who in my opinion were obviously not able to be left alone yet and needed stricter supervision.

BelleateSebastian

Hilarious, yes I too I am afraid op would have hoiked bosoms over head at your.....can...

BelleateSebastian

Hilarious, yes I too I am afraid op would have hoiked bosoms over head at your.....can...

i also helicopter unashamedly. Perhaps if i had a dc with a different personality i would less but that still doesn't stop the older children from hurting them. 19mo DS is very boisterous with himself (numerous visits to A&E, facial stitches and 3 black eyes etc already). He thinks nothing of repeatedly ramming things with his head and face and he tries to run down slides. I could never trust him to play safely.

Oddly enough tho he is very gentle with others and is quite bewildered when a child comes up to him and snatches, punches, hits, screams at or bites him. We have had various unpleasant incidents. One was of DS waiting to go up the ladder on a slide and a child stood at the top repeatedly kicking him in the face while DS just stood there . The mum was sitting texting and could see it all but did nothing. However, i was told on here, that rather than telling the child to stop, i should have waited a while longer for the mum to do something and then if she didn't, i should have walked over to her and asked her to sort it out. Fuck that!

Last week a little girl walked over to DS and scratched his face. He was just sitting on a bike saying beep beep. I think she wanted it and she put both her hands on his face and scrunched down really hard. DS of course just sat there. The mum was standing about 8ft away and was chatting and watching but did nothing till i stepped forward and pulled DS back and said 'no, please don't do that'. Then the mum came over and really softly said 'dd you know you mustn't do that, come one let's have a biscuit' then with no acknowledgement to me or ds (whose nose was scratched and bleeding) carried her off and gave her a fucking treat.

I really shouldn't go to soft play - it's not good for my blood pressure.

So until other parents stop being twats (which i doubt will happen anytime soon), i will continue to helicopter DS

Mum, thats awful! Thank goodness you spotted him

Yanbu. I can't help but judge some parents at softplay. Once at softplay another child bit my son so hard he was bleeding, i told the manager and he eventually found the parents outside smoking! Too many parents see softplay as a place they don't need to supervise their kids! I still keep a check on what ds is doing and he's 5 and a half!

I'm totally new to the world of soft play, but the ones I've been to so far have had quite steep drops, slides etc. which would be ok for 3yrs+ but could still be nasty for a little one who fell - how would you not helicopter them?

A soft play etiquette question - a couple of times DD (15mo) was sitting in the toddler area ball pool and just playing with the balls on her own and older children (again 3+) have come up and tried to give her a whack on the head with a ball - once really quite a hard one. In each case I have said sharply to the offending child (though without raising my voice): "no, that's very naughty to hit, especially to hit a baby". Am now worried this is a massive faux pas to discipline someone else's child (in these cases the parents were nowhere near or visible). Am I committing some awful sin? What should I do in those cases? If DD was bigger I'd be a bit less protective, but she is tiny compared to the bigger ones.

traininthedistance you're doing fine. If some child is hitting your child (or any child!) in the head with plastic balls, tell them it's not nice. It's not rocket science. Maybe they've never been told that before. They like to test boundaries don't they? You have a barely walking baby and you're wondering if you're committing a sin by telling children throwing things at a baby's HEAD if you're committing a sin? Other parents must love me. I tell their darlings off for running with sticks, slapping, biting, kicking, hitting, you name it. I don't give a shit if their (non-watching) parents don't like it, my child is not a punching bag!

Ah, good - that's a relief! :)

I would have judged the lack of apology and not offering to replace your drink. I also hate kids eating in the equipment.

However I do let DDs free 4yo and 23months as long as I can keep a vauge eye on them thats enough. I only take them to places I know I can manage their respective ages.

I would massively judge a parent who acted the pied piper to a load of DCs then got pissed off about it. If you choose to trek about after your DC and interact with others then more fool you! I'm not crawling through softplay hell for anyone!

It depends on how the child was behaving to be honest. If his parents were sitting reading the paper and drinking tea while he played nicely and amused himself, then that would be different. In this case though he was being disruptive to you and your DS so they should have intervened.

So I would have judged too in your situation. It sounds like they didn't give a crap how their child was behaving as long as he wasn't bothering them, which is just not good parenting regardless of the child's age.

I would also have been more firm with the child, however e.g. saying 'No thank you, we don't grab. That drink is for adults' when he grabbed your Coke (who cares if his parents let him drink it? It's not something you give your DS so you have to stick to your own rules).

I definitely would NOT have been cleaning up his spat-out sweets either - why did you do that? At most, I would have pointed out to the parents that he had spat them all over the floor so they could clean up after him, as they should have.

I wouldn't have done anything until he came to my table.

With the sweet-spitting I would have frowned and said "don't spit, that's yucky" then given him a napkin and told him to clean up. He probably thought it was funny or was trying to get attention so I wouldn't have made a big deal about it.

I would have taken the coke back and said "No. We don't grab other people's drinks. If you want a drink, go and ask your mummy."

If I didn't want to have to chat to him (quite like chatting to other peoples' dcs in general but not if they're being annoying) I would have walked away with my child.

Mumoftwo That's really upsetting. I remember on holiday watching a toddling child walking towards the edge of a keyside in a howling storm. She was just grabbed in time by someone else. I wasn't right for the rest of the day.

For people hoiking at my can....I wasn't drinking from the can, I was decanting. The child snatched the can and started drinking from it.

But it was softplay and they don't sell organic Elderflower presse. I don't live in that naice an area . They sell cans of drink. And haribo. Though no Greggs franchise in the cafe as yet. But I live in hope :)

YANBU

It's important to get a balance at soft play. I'm trying to become one of those mums who sits and relaxes while still keeping an eye on her child.

Dd is very clingy though she's 3 and it's wearing thin now so I'm often in the soft play thing entertaining a horde of kids. My view is if your child is playing up I will put them straight. If you don't want them interacting with others then keep a better eye on them.

I get why you judged the sun too. But I'll bet you wouldn't have been bothered over their choice of paper if they had been doing a decent job of parenting.

I would have loudly said wheres your mummy and then said dont touch that drink, meh I used to be an ogre though at soft play places though just because it is a kids play area doesnt give parents an excuse to let them run wild, @Catgirl not seen you in ages

Miaow i have mobility problems too I was like you I just sat myself where i could see them I didnt follow mine about

Some of you go to the wrong softplays I go to one every week and mine have never been punched, scratched or bitten!

TheScience - i find the ones in the 'naice' areas are the worst. The MC parents round here tend to refuse any discipline at all. It's all 'ohhh Jocasta that really isn't nice, are you feeling sad today? Would you like to express yourself in the medium of dance?...' Jocasta trots on leaving a trail of injured crying children in their wake.