To judge parenting at softplay

[catgirl1976]

Just taken DS to softplay. It was very quiet, just us and another family with a child about DS's age (2) though he could have been 3

Other boy was pretty rough in the the ball pond, throwing balls at DS's face and shoving him and jumping on him, but toddlers can be like that so I didn't mind too much.

He started talking to me and was pretty rude (in a shouty, demanding way) but again, only looked very little so.....

Then he wanders off, returns with a packet of Quavers which he proceeds to eat in the ball pond. At this point I was a bit judgeypants.

Parents of this child nowhere to be seen in the play area. Later saw they were sat in the coffee bit reading the Sun (judged choice of paper a bit along with total lack of concern for the whereabouts / behaviour of their DC)

But then DS and I were sat at a table and the little boy came over and sat down at it. Looked over at his parents who were too engrossed in the Sun to notice.

I made polite conversation with the little boy. Who then spat a load of Haribo sweets all over the floor. Which I cleaned up as his parents were not paying him any attention.

Then he grabbed my can of Diet Coke and started drinking it. At this stage was torn between annoyance that he had drank my bloody coke and concern he shouldn't be having diet coke (possibly, mine isn't maybe he is allowed it but I had no way of knowing) and also concern he might cut his tongue on the can.

At this point I said "Are you allowed to have that?" loudly enough to get his mother to look up from her paper.

She came over, grabbed his arm really roughly and said "You'll cut your tongue, put it back".

Didn't apologise to me and then went back to her paper leaving him sat at our table with me looking at my toddler drooled in drink.

AIBU to have hoicked my judgey pants? Or am I a joyless old bint who should be more tolerant of other children's behaviour?

YANBU. There is nothing wrong with letting children wander off, but parents still need to keep an eye on them to make sure they are behaving. I've had situations where I've had to comfort or rescue crying children whose parents are nowhere in sight and it is irritating that their parents just assume someone else will watch their child for them.

And it's a cheek to use soft play for a break to read the paper if your child is preventing another parent being able to do the same thing.

They should have been policing his bad behaviour certainly, but YABU to feel sorry him for being expected to amuse himself at soft play. It's not child abuse to not play with your kid every single second of the day.

I wouldn't judge parents not following their children around soft play - I might do if there were big, boisterous children in there but otherwise I'd be letting them develop their independence. I do a lot with my children, and think it's good to give them a bit of freedom somewhere safe. I'd be keeping an eye though and wouldn't let them bother someone like that, or misbehave. And yes, I probably would (silently) have judged The Sun and the general attitude!

I felt sorry for him because of how roughly she grabbed his arm and how harshly she spoke to him more than I do for him being lonely at softplay and clearly wanting some company

This is an interesting thread. I have a 17 month old who I follow around at soft play. The soft play places I go to specifically require the parents to be in the toddler bit

DS can't walk yet so I particularly need to help him on and off things etc.

I was on another thread last night where I was essentially told that this was completely ridic and the soft play that those posters went to didn't allow that. Keeping older children in general eyesight or agreeing parameters of where DC could or could not go is also apparently a total over reaction

I'm not bringing this up to make this a thread about a thread, but am genuinely wondering if you've come across some of those posters or, at least, parents who think the same?

I'm totally confused, because every bugger round here bar the odd few who can't be arsed operate the same system!

I'm another non supervisor. I keep a general eye on his wearabouts and read the paper. He's just under 2. I judge the helicopter parents. The kids need to learn to play independently and with each other, as well as being entertained by parents sometimes.

FFS are we now judging small children for not wearing socks? I can't imagine either noticing or having any actual thoughts about it one way or another.

You'll have to explain why socklessness is considered A Bad Thing.

I tend to think until they are old enough to make friends and start games with other children you should go round with them at softplay.

I wouldn't judge someone for not doing as each to their own but this was mainly about the child's behavior in the cafe area - not in the play area.

IMO they certainly need supervising in an area where people are carrying hot food and drink around

As someone who was a so called helicopter parent when my DS was a toddler, I had to spend a lot of time dealing with other children whose parents weren't supervising them properly. They might be crying because they had got stuck, or start hitting or throwing etc. Its a bit off to sit with a paper and a coffee and then judge the parents who have the default position of having to keep an eye on your children.

I stopped supervising DS when he was coming up to 4. He still wants me to play with him from time to time but is otherwise quite happy to go off and do his own thing or run round in a pack of other children like Lord of the Flies. I couldn't care less if that's 'helicopter parenting'. It kept him happy and safe. I'd love to sit in the cafe and read a book for an hour but now have an 18mo DD...

And what basgetti said. Using other random parents as your babysitter is not on, tired or not.

Haha cross post gobbolino!

But yes,I am one of this those parents. I first took DS to a (fairly quiet and openplan) soft Play when he was first crawling. I let him crawl off on his own- to experience the space and freedom. He knows where I am and can come get me if he needs something. He'll often pop up for a quick cuddle or a sip of juice and then toddle off again.

I pay a little more attention than I used to because I've noticed just lately that he seems to be a little more troubled by social dilemmas (e.g: if a big kid took a toy off him he used to shrug and get another toy- now he's more aware he gets a bit confused and sad). I still try to let him work it out on his own as far as possible though.

Yanbu, you were too tolerant, I would have said something when he was shoving and hitting your ds. When he comes over to your table I would have returned him to his mother.

You'll have to explain why socklessness is considered A Bad Thing.

When mine were small enough for soft play there were posters up saying that socks had to be worn and they even had them for sale in the cafe if people didn't have any with them. I assume in case of verrucas or scratchy toenails or something?
I remember because ds at the time flatly refused to keep his socks on (he has ASD) which was a pain. I once overheard him being told off by one of the staff (during 30 seconds when I dared to take my eye off him), it meant nothing to him but dd was upset he'd been told off. I had to go and find out where he'd thrown his socks yet again.

Of course he now refuses to take his socks off...

I would judge YOU for drinking from a rat piss ridden can full of hideous chemicals :) and unless you were judging The Sun (maybe there wasn't a copy of The Guardian hanging around) from a feminist or moral reason then I am judging you again for your snobbery .... so I have technically just hoiked my pants AND my Bosom.

And for what it's worth I have been both Helicopter parent (with PFB) and skulking in the corner with whatever crap literature is on hand parent (with poor neglected further Dc 's!)

Sometimes I notice my kids jumping all over some dad who's crawling about in the play frame, but I tend to think if you're crawling about in a kid's play frame then you have to expect to interact with kids.

I judge parents who follow their children into the ball pit and down slides as they make it less safe for everyone else's children.

Pixel really? I've never seen that before. I must be going to the kind of place where verrucas are deemed acceptable. Lovely!

Thanks for replying

But this was in the café area, not the play area.

I wouldn't let a toddler free range in an area where there's hot drinks.

Belle

I explained up thread why I judge the Sun. Largely Hillsborough and Page 3.

And leave my rat piss ridden chemicals alone. 'Tis delicious.

A couple of weeks ago I went to the local playground with baby ds and a friend and her toddler son.

There was a little boy there (aged about 3ish - seemed slightly younger than my 4 yo dd) who wasn't being very kind - kept throwing bark at the babies, taking the toddler's ball etc. No parents in sight. We were slightly "humph"-y about but just kept getting the ball back and taking them out of his reach.

Left an hour or so later for lunch. Walked the 10+ minutes through the park to the car park and then realised this little boy was at the other side of the (very big) car park. On his own. Looked around for parents. No sign. Started walking to him. He kept walking out of the car park. Suddenly had a horrible realisation that the road he was now very close to was a major A road. Started walking faster resisting all desire to run (my 4 yo would run if she saw someone running towards her.)

Reached him. He was crying. Couldn't get him to tell me his name or say anything other than "mummy". Told him I'd help him find his mummy and got him to walk back into the park with us. Stopped every passer by asking if they had seen anyone frantically looking for him. No one had. Got back to playground - no one swooped on him. Shoved to the front of the ice cream queue - no one had asked there. Was just debating 101 vs 999 Suddenly woman calmly said "Boysname - oh there you are - where did you find him?" "About to walk out onto the main road".

She did look a bit shocked then. But he'd been with us for a good 20 minutes and we'd not seen him ahead of us as we walked out (at toddler speed) so he must have been gone over half an hour and she hadn't even realised.

Poor lad. They obviously cared (or they would have shoved him in front of the telly rather than a trip to the park) but it could so easily have ended so badly.

I felt sick for the rest of the day every time I remembered him wlking towards the road and trying to work out if I could reach him in time.

The socks are to stop little toes catching in netting etc and being ripped off, nothing to do with verrucas. Our local one is strict about this too.

My DS is just over 2 now and I still either follow him everywhere or watch him but follow him the whole way through. If he in there with some friends usually either a 4yo or a 6yo I do let him go by himself as they look after him but even then I'm watching from afar.

Some people either don't care or are too indulging of their darlings. I do think some softplays attract a better "sort" of child and parent than others. Excuse my judgey pants

Socks are required where we go as some of the play frame is above the cafe and no one wants a wrenched off toe plopping in their coffee.

Catgirl you're forgiven then! I shall release my wedgie and let my tits droop back into their natural pitta bread likestate

YANBU I'd be annoyed and judgey

The amount of things that happened and weren't picked up on is a joke

I don't think you should helicopter parent at soft play, but keep a bloody eye on them at that age!