To not want collecting from the Crem (after Ive died)?

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

In a chat with a friend about death, burial, cremation etc, I feel strongly that I dont want to be put anywhere. Somewhere my familyand friends might feel obligated to visit or not move far from.

Being an Atheist, I feel, for me that when I die, and my life ceases to exist, that my body is simply the shell that once held my life. That it wont be me.

If I had it my way can I simply be cremated and the ashes not collected? I currently have nowhere that is so special to me that I want my ashes scattered, and again, it would just be the remnants of my outer casing, plus prpbably a large portion of coffin.

She thinks I am.abnormal, and I suppose it isnt a commom view, I just dont want anyone to have any sort of obligation to me once im gone.

You can have the crematorium staff scatter the ground in the gardens of Rembrandt there.

Surely you'd have to go somewhere. Even if they didn't collect your ashes after you'd be burnt, you'd just go in with the next persons ashes? Do you want to be thrown in a bin?

But then you'll still be somewhere in their minds you will be at the crematorium.

The thing is if you believe it's just a shell, do they? Often there being a "place" to visit isn't about the departed it's about the living and their need to grieve so unless all your family are in total agreement that you are just a carcass then YABU because you don't care but they do iyswim?

I always like the thought of being scattered to the tide, then you are fluid and gone and if they want to think of you in a place they can visit any shore and have some peace.

We never collected my GF's ashes. My DM couldn't see why anyone would want to. My family are Christian and I do see the body as the 'left over' part once the soul has departed. I presume the crem did something with them.

I would do the same myself unless a family member specifically requested scattering somewhere.

Do families really feel obligated to visit or not move far from someone's ashes?

YANBU. It's your choice.

I've always seen it as more comfort for those they've left behind though. My bampa was much like you in the respect that he didn't want anything to be done with his ashes after. I think it gave my nana a great deal of comfort and a degree of closure to sprinkle the ashes in the garden (and they were really good for the roses, apparently)...

I feel a bit like that too. I have nowhere I wish to be scattered anyway. The staff can chuck me anywhere they like.

A family member had their ashes split in half. Half were scattered off the coast of a favourite seaside town, and the other half buried in the town they were married.

And when I think of my DGF it's at home or in his garden or when walking the dog (he loved dogs).

I can't remember what the crem looked like. Only went once.

Your choice.

I'm not atheist, but I feel very similar to you op.

I don't want a funeral at all really, especially the hurst bit - parading my dead body through the streets seems horribly macabre to me. Ideally I'd like to be cremated and scattered either in a wood or specifically in the mulch of a tree being newly planted.

BUT, funerals aren't for the dead, they're for those left behind. I will state my wishes but with the caveat that as long as there is the money available those left behind can do as they wish. If they derive comfort from holding a ceremonial funeral then I want them to have that. If they are comforted by having a grave to visit then their wishes over ride mine as the people left behind dealing with their grief.

I don't think you will get much choice

I was always going to be scattered on my mums living room carpet just to piss her off. She went first so I couldn't do that

I completely understand what you are saying about being an obligation but if you just say you want scattering at the beach, or woods or your local high street then they don't have somewhere they have to visit

I know loads of people who have the ashes of relatives in their house, I keep threatening DH with that!

I understand you feeling that way. I have a romantic idea of my ashes being scattered into the sea but I'm not that bothered. Once I'm dead it's more about what gives surviving relatives comfort, not me, they can do as they wish!

My dad died 20 years ago and I didn't get his ashes, it just didn't occur to me! I wonder what happens to uncollected ones?

When the time comes Dad wants a bench in the grounds of the local English Heritage property that he loves. Not sure how you go about that.

Reminds me of this..

You don't collect the ashes from the crematorium, the undertakes that organise your funeral collect the ashes and the they either get left at the undertakers or collected, or disposed of as you have requested.

That is true - if DH and DD feel strongly that I should be put somewhere then there isnt really anything I can do about it

However they also may feel like I should be buried and I want a cremation - Im dead, so why should it matter to me.....but it does.

I don't believe in god or afterlife and don't want any funeral or service, just cremated. I'd like my ashes interred or scattered over my daighter's grave, and I would respect anyone's wishes over what they want after the die if I am still on Earth.

I always thought I knew what I wanted for my funeral etc, but having lost most of my family, I now believe it is about those that are left behind.

The main thing for me is that once I have died and been placed in the coffin, I want the lid nailing on! No coming to look at me in the chapel, that I just do not like the idea of.

After that those left behind can do whatever they want.

One relative had their ashes buried. It does actually cost a fortune. The plot, the Vicar, and the stonemasons. I was quite shocked.

A chaplain I used to know reckoned that once he was gone, his old body was no more important than an old coat he used to wear, so could be burned ir thrown on a compost heap.

Your funeral isn't for your benefit, it's for the people left behind. You can have your ashes scattered by the crem if you want. I put my late mother's in her garden. You should express your wishes in advance. If your family arrange the funeral, they can do what they want. You won't be there to stop them.

Thanks for that ivy, I had never had to deal with a close members death before, I was clueless. I'm wondering now if one of his brothers or sisters collected them? Anyway, sorry, I'll stop waffling on

I have a feeling if they aren't collected then they have to be kept at least for a certain time. Might be tricky too if your relatives do want to do something for them.
Suggest something like into a river or the sea then you aren't tied to a place.

On one side of the family we have graves and visiting them.

On the other, ashes kept in the garden of Remembrance.

I prefer the not-visiting-graves option.

I want the cheapest funeral possible and my ashes either dumped over a nice place or at sea, or kept at the crem. What I want is for everyone attending to go and get totally sozzled in a pub with naice buffet laid on. Anyone who knows me will understand that.

I also want the cheapest funeral known to man! I'd be happy to be cremated in a cardboard box.