To not want collecting from the Crem (after Ive died)?

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

In a chat with a friend about death, burial, cremation etc, I feel strongly that I dont want to be put anywhere. Somewhere my familyand friends might feel obligated to visit or not move far from.

Being an Atheist, I feel, for me that when I die, and my life ceases to exist, that my body is simply the shell that once held my life. That it wont be me.

If I had it my way can I simply be cremated and the ashes not collected? I currently have nowhere that is so special to me that I want my ashes scattered, and again, it would just be the remnants of my outer casing, plus prpbably a large portion of coffin.

She thinks I am.abnormal, and I suppose it isnt a commom view, I just dont want anyone to have any sort of obligation to me once im gone.

Thornrose my friend organised most of his own funeral and choose a cardboard coffin, he didn't have the coffin dissapeare behind the curtain but instead all the mourners left the room and filed by the coffin to say goodbye, the music he choice had everyone looking around at each other then stifling laughter, it was living in a box livinving in a cardboard box. He certainly had the last laugh on us all

Why not turn yourself into a tree instead?

bigthink.com/design-for-good/this-awesome-urn-will-turn-you-into-a-tree-after-you-die

Just out of interest, if you have the opinion that funerals are for the living then are you going to go along with the wishes of your parents or do what you want?

Mrs DV, my friend's dad died when he was 9. Forces family so the constant moving meant that the family took his ashes with them.
I found out when I went to his place for Chrstmas and spotted an urn wearing a party hat.

To be practical here - if you have a clear wish about your funeral and what is to happen to your ashes you need to get it in writing and tell people that you have done it. I officiate at funerals and it makes everything very much easier if the chief mourner(s) knows what the deceased wanted. They then have a choice about whether they honour your wishes or not but at least they aren't trying to guess what they were.

My relatives ashes are scattered in the crematorium. They don't have a headstone or anything to say it's where they are, it's what they requested before they died.

I've signed up to donate my body to medical science. If that doesn't work then it can go to a body farm.

My body will be no use to me, but it could be to someone else.

I fancy being made into a diamond, but first I want to be skinned so my tattoos are preserved

Ooh an urn with a party hat.

If the ashes are to be scattered/buried and the place is to be visited it does help if that is within the vicinity that relatives are.

If I had my ashes buried here and both DSs emigrated to Australia, my stone would be all uncared for.

When I go to the garden of remembrance i often clip round and clean up the unloved stones that never see a visitor.

That's a lovely thing to do Sparkling. My child is buried a long way from here and I can not go and visit, I hate the thought that the grave is not cared for.

I have to do it Spottie, and I think others do as well. I have a little chat to them while I do it., then it all looks nice. If I have too many flowers (stone has one of those rose things with holes in) then I put some on ones who have none.

One stone regularly has a cigarette and a can of lager laid on it.

You can have your ashes placed into a firework and blasted into the sky.

My mum and dad's closest friend died and his wife suggested keeping a few of his ashes in his favourite ashtray in my dad's workshop so they could 'talk' over stuff. When my dad died most of his ashes were thrown off Southend Pier where he liked to fish and the rest have joined his friend's in the ashtray. His best friend's wife died recently and some of her ashes have joined the others in the ashtray (they were all heavy smokers). It's a real comfort to my mum who feels they are close by and having a laugh together! When she dies she wants to join them so they are all together again.

It costs them in storage if you just don't take them away: See here

Same here OP. My Grandad is just scattered around a big oak tree somewhere in the crematorium. He always said he didn't want a memorial/grave as all our memories are up here tapping his head. I think the only member of our family who knows where it is is my uncle who arranged the funeral and everything and went to the scattering as he felt someone should.

I have a little plaque I found in a garden centre that says Grandad, your smile is always with us that I keep meaning to go and put at my FIL's and GMIL's memorial garden at the crem (my DH said I could as it's his place really, I never go as you can tell my family aren't memorial people lol) but it's been sitting in my house since I bought it.

I'd love to donate my body to medical science, but I think it will be cremation lol. A funeral place in our town has a pic of a great cardboard coffin in the window which is pink with daisies on. I've told my DH I want that one but he tells me to shut up. It's lovely though as far as coffins go.

My dad died last july.
He was cremated, as was his wish, but mum wanted a headstone with room for her on it too when the time came (I did offer to write her name on the bottom of dads with magic marker but she wasn't keen :))
Not sure it's what he would have wanted tbh, but as mrsdv says, everything about the funeral is for the bereaved.
I plan to ask for my ashes to be scattered on my parents plot....I don't want my children to have to choose a headstone for me :( I found it very hard.

some crems will scatter your remains in there grounds I am with you on this but I do think the people left behind might want somewhere to visit so just put yourself in a garden of rememberence then the people can decide, I am not one for visiting graves either

I'm a humanist.

I know what I want for myself when I'm gone but it's not about me is it

When I'm dead I'm dead so nothing will make any difference to me. When a person dies I believe it's ALL about the wishes of those they've left behind to enable them to be able to cope with the grief.

Some people hope best with a focal point to visit, others don't need or want that.

For me, I'd love for any useful bits to be reused and the rest donated to science. However, I can fully understand it if my family don't want that so they know my wishes but also know it's their choice.

The only thing I'm selfish about, I will come back and haunt them if they have a religious ceremony.

• cope not hope

Re funerals and "parading through the streets" I went to a friends funeral last year that has given me a much better idea of what I'd want...

They did crem 1st, close family only then on to church ( strong Christian faith) for a fantastic celebration of his life, legacy and faith and a buffet in the church hall on an up beat note - rather than family toddling off to pop him in the furnace, they got to spend time with friends and family.

He was represented at the service by a lovely photo and the top of the coffin flowers.

Definitely seems the best way round.

Me - I'd just be popped in the furnace through the back door without any wave off, and the most amazing musical send off in church!ww

I saw something where your ashes were turned into a tree seed I thought that was quite a cool thing to do, said to the husband and he gave me a face.