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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dp, night out, pregnant

100 replies

alita7 · 03/05/2014 20:00

So dps friend is a dj whose doing a rock night in a pub tonight. dps parents are kindly having the kids for the night and we've planned to go along. It's his birthday on Monday so for him it's partly a birthday outing.
I assumed that as im 13 weeks pregnant that we'd come home when I wanted within reason so before 1... I mentioned this and he said no he'd walk me to the bus stop!
I don't feel this is particularly safe for me considering we live in a city!

I don't want to stay excessively long surrounded by those drinking when I can't drink, how much fun does he expect me to have?
I don't even know the people going very well I've met most of them in passing and never spent much time with them, this would be fine if I could drink and go and smoke.
I said that then maybe I shouldn't go so I don't ruin it for him (he doesn't really talk to me much when we go out anyway) but he said he wants to go together...

I haven't exactly been sociable since my bfp for obvious reasons so I wanted to try but now I don't know if I want to, should I go? I'm getting ready anyway so I get the choice but....

OP posts:
CundtBake · 03/05/2014 20:03

Hmm.

I think he's being quite thoughtless, but my DP is quite protective and he'd never dream of sending me home on the bus so he could continue a night out.

To me, if you go out as a couple you leave as a couple. But I might be a bit old fashioned.

Does he have nights out often? (With or without you)

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 03/05/2014 20:03

Not safe to get the bus because you live in a city?

Yabu just for that.

Catsize · 03/05/2014 20:04

To stay out until 1 is a big ask. Your partner is behaving like a carefree and selfish 18yr old. Sorry OP, but he is being very unreasonable indeed.

pricklyPea · 03/05/2014 20:06

Sounds like hell. I wouldn't bother going to be honest. If you are not going to enjoy yourself and he'll be not really talking to you and then leaving you at a bus stop, then it'll save a lot of hassle if you just stay in.

I'd just arrange something where you'll be comfortable rather than where drunk people will be.

teaandthorazine · 03/05/2014 20:06

Why is it unreasonable to stay out until 1?

OP, can you not get yourself home when you want to go home? Why is living in a city a problem?

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 03/05/2014 20:06

But the op doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to. I don't get why it is selfish of her dp to have a night out.

She's only 13 weeks pregnant, it's not like she's about to give birth any moment.

CoffeeTea103 · 03/05/2014 20:06

Yanbu, my DH would never leave me at a bus stop to go home by myself, pregnant or not. You're staying out with him till 1, surely that's long enough. I think just insist he goes by himself because you know how this will end up.

LEMmingaround · 03/05/2014 20:06

Ive been on buses at night in london - now admittedly i don't live there so not used to it, but i was bricking it!

Jengnr · 03/05/2014 20:07

I think if you want to go home early because you're pregnant that's fair enough. But if you want to leave early it's not unreasonable of him to want to stay either.

Can you get a taxi? Decent compromise?

PansOnFire · 03/05/2014 20:08

I wouldn't go but not because he suggested the bus, more because he hardly talks to you when you go out and the fact that he's completely inconsiderate. Is he always this horrible? He should be looking after you anyway but more so now that you're particularly vulnerable.

If you want to go then organise a taxi before you go so that you know that you will be safe and taken home to your door. It sounds to me like you don't want to go so if that was me I'd make other arrangements.

CundtBake · 03/05/2014 20:08

I was knackered the whole time I was pregnant and wouldn't have wanted to stay out til early hours of the morning, especially when everyone is drunk apart from me.

The OP is probably perfectly capable of getting home, but I think her DP thinking it's acceptable to just walk her to the bus stop in the middle of the night when she's pregnant isn't on.

sooperdooper · 03/05/2014 20:09

I think he's being unreasonable for saying he'd walk you to the bus stop and not leave with you, but you're being unreasonable for thinking it's not safe to get a bus, in the city where you live! What makes you think it's not safe for an adult to catch a bus??

DidoTheDodo · 03/05/2014 20:10

I'm not sure the concept of walking you to the bus stop is acceptable behaviour, pregnant or not. Just sounds weird to me. However, I don't drink and still have a great time when I'm out. Booze not compulsory!

everlong · 03/05/2014 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 03/05/2014 20:10

Can you not get a taxi home instead?

LittleBearPad · 03/05/2014 20:11

Get a cab if the bus worries you. You'll be fine either way.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 03/05/2014 20:11

Is getting on the bus dangerous for pregnant women then?

I'll have to tell dh I need an escort to and from work from now on if that's the case.

CSIJanner · 03/05/2014 20:12

How likely is he to walk you to the bus if its 1am and he's possibly hammered?

pebblyshit · 03/05/2014 20:12

It sounds like a shit night out. A DP who doesn't talk to you and some people you don't really know whose company you don't enjoy unless you're drinking. I wouldn't go, but if I was going I would come home alone when I wanted (possibly by cab).

LaQueenOfTheMay · 03/05/2014 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

magpiegin · 03/05/2014 20:13

I think YABU, it's his birthday night out so don't see why he needs to go home early. If getting the bus it that bad (unsure why it would be) then you should get a cab. Just because you want to go home doesn't mean he needs to.

TheNewSchmoo · 03/05/2014 20:13

I do think you're being unreasonable, it's his birthday treat. You're 13 weeks not 38. There is no reason why a bus in a City would be unsafe.

But if you're tired and want to go home, get a cab.

ThePigOfHappiness · 03/05/2014 20:14

Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean he has to leave with you. Can't you get a taxi home when you want to leave?

Kikibee · 03/05/2014 20:15

Easy, stay at home and then him go out or if you must go out, get a cab

scottishmummy · 03/05/2014 20:15

You can come home when you wish,but he's adult he doesn't need to trot home early after you
If you don't think bus ok,prebook a minicab
But you being pg isnt reason to inhibit his time out.its too controlling

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