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AIBU?

dp, night out, pregnant

100 replies

alita7 · 03/05/2014 20:00

So dps friend is a dj whose doing a rock night in a pub tonight. dps parents are kindly having the kids for the night and we've planned to go along. It's his birthday on Monday so for him it's partly a birthday outing.
I assumed that as im 13 weeks pregnant that we'd come home when I wanted within reason so before 1... I mentioned this and he said no he'd walk me to the bus stop!
I don't feel this is particularly safe for me considering we live in a city!

I don't want to stay excessively long surrounded by those drinking when I can't drink, how much fun does he expect me to have?
I don't even know the people going very well I've met most of them in passing and never spent much time with them, this would be fine if I could drink and go and smoke.
I said that then maybe I shouldn't go so I don't ruin it for him (he doesn't really talk to me much when we go out anyway) but he said he wants to go together...

I haven't exactly been sociable since my bfp for obvious reasons so I wanted to try but now I don't know if I want to, should I go? I'm getting ready anyway so I get the choice but....

OP posts:

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specialsubject · 03/05/2014 20:49

are the friends concerned interesting if you are sober, or do they just swill and thus are very boring?

not drinking shouldn't mean a night out isn't fun. But if you are with people who just guzzle then it will be very dull indeed.

go if they are the right people. If not - find some new friends!

ImAThrillseekerBunny · 03/05/2014 20:49

Don't go, or rebudget for a taxi (maybe you could share with someone?) I think HIBU to not let you tell people about the baby though - that is really not on. If you tell people then you won't have to make up crap excuses for not drinking and they'll make a fuss of you so you'll probably have a lot more fun. Not wanting to talk about it at his birthday bash is a bit feeble, I'm sure he can change the subject to something else.

But HINBU to want to have a big night out for his birthday - there's not going to be a lot of them on the horizon for the next few years.

LaQueenOfTheMay · 03/05/2014 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigdeal · 03/05/2014 20:54

another vote for the taxi if you feel unsafe on the bus.

alita7 · 03/05/2014 20:59

Well it's just turned into a big argument cos I've said to him if I can't tell, I don't want to go (like I said so much effort hiding it especially when I've been out with a similar group (not sure if it's all the same people )and I couldn't drink due to antibiotics and almost everyone asked if I was pregnant... I wasn't. he's told me I have to wear a hoodie to cover my belly the whole time... I was obviously unimpressed by this.

OP posts:

alita7 · 03/05/2014 21:00

He thinks I'm trying to be manipulative and I'm not... I just can't see how I can go in the circumstances

OP posts:

CoffeeTea103 · 03/05/2014 21:01

Op I think the bigger issue is him expecting you to keep the pregnancy a secret that's totally not on.

Cluffyflump · 03/05/2014 21:02

Why is he being so weird about his friends knowing about your pregnancy?
He does NOT get to tell you to hide your body like that!

scottishmummy · 03/05/2014 21:03

Why is this so fraught?go,return in cab.or dont go

redandchecker · 03/05/2014 21:03

He's being very unreasonable about hiding.

But you don't need the stress right now. Tell him, you really don't feel comfortable going, your not up for it, you don't want loads of drunk smoking people around you when pregnant, it's not the right environment for you and you can do something separately together like a nice meal.

AveryJessup · 03/05/2014 21:13

Just don't bother going. Doesn't sound like you'll enjoy it and you're getting stressed about it so just stay home. Have a nice night in on his actual birthday e.g. cook a nice dinner together, watch a favorite film etc on his actual birthday so you can still celebrate.

I wouldn't turn it into a big issue, to be honest. It doesn't sound worth it.

everlong · 03/05/2014 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 03/05/2014 21:16

Stay home then, if you're not going to enjoy it.

MollyHooper · 03/05/2014 21:28

Why is he trying to guilt you into going, you're not stopping him?

Tell him you want a relaxing, quiet and child free night and he can do what he wants.

alita7 · 03/05/2014 21:31

Well I've ended up getting on the bus with him... when he snapped and said don't go then, I suddenly felt like I wanted to even though I still didn't want to??? I've been getting these sorts of emotions a lot since pregnancy.

I think it's been difficult because I want to go and socialise because I locked myself up almost for most of this pregnancy but on the other hand I don't want to go and I feel I can't satisfy these mutually exclusive issues.

I think if he'd been happy to go home at a reasonable hour (the other problem with him not coming home is last time he came home drunk I had to sleep on the sofa in the end because the smell was making me feel awful) and if I was allowed to say why I wasn't drinking if asked (I have no problem with not announcing it or telling people randomly) I'd be much more positive about trying to have a good time, I was before the two issues came up.

Anyway I'm going now, there is no reason not to tell as I've had a brilliant scan, so quite frankly I think if someone asks me directly if I am then I will say yes. He's in a huff with me now anyway...

now I'm talking about it I can't see why I've left the house... Urgh I must seem like the most indecisive idiot ever! I'm sorry to moan at you guys (there is background to this, he hasn't been very understanding about my pregnancy for the whole thing!)

OP posts:

MrsDiesel · 03/05/2014 21:32

I would definitely stay home it doesn't sound very enjoyable.

Tea I would feel intimidated getting the bus on my own at night in a city especially if it was a rowdy drunken bus. Just going off my limited experience of getting the night bus hone from our nearest city. What would worry me more would be walking from the bus stop home alone. Anyone could follow you home.

It would probably be fine but I wouldn't want to put myself in any potential danger. Dp just said he wouldn't want to travel alone in a city at night either. Maybe our nearest city is just really rough.

redandchecker · 03/05/2014 21:36

I completely understand OP why those two things would annoy you, you're on your way now so just make the most of it and I would think telling people would make your night better, they'd be more sensitive towards you and try to include you and you'd feel less on edge. If it does become too much of a topic of conversation you can just laugh it off and say anyway, we're here for DPs birthday, enough about baby!

I hope the night turns out better than you expect

everlong · 03/05/2014 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doubtfuldaphne · 03/05/2014 21:43

All I could do at 13 weeks is puke and sleep
Well done for even considering going.
Dh should be a little more caring and at least get you home.
Men don't really change until the baby has arrived - it takes a lot for it to sink in that your lives are changing!

PeaceLillyDoge · 03/05/2014 21:50

YABU get a taxi if you're that bothered.

whitepuddingsupper · 03/05/2014 22:15

I was going to say YABU about getting the bus alone later as I used to do that often when DH wanted to stay out with friends and I had work (in retail) on the sunday but reading your later posts your DH is coming across as a bit of an arse, he wants you to come but hide the fact you are pregnant? Is he afraid his friends will judge him for not taking you home himself and "ruin" his night out?

BackforGood · 03/05/2014 22:46

Am STUNNED at the number of posters saying that her dp is being reasonable.
Really ???

You are a couple, and you really think it's a reasonable thing to do for him to put her on the bus home at midnight / one in the morning, then carry on partying ????

Am very glad I know nicer people than you.
Oddly, my dh would actually want to spend time with me, come home with me after a night out - is that so abnormal these days ?

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scottishmummy · 03/05/2014 22:55

So book a cab?theyre couple mot joined at hip.she can return home in cab

MistressDeeCee · 03/05/2014 23:01

Unless your DH hits the tiles every week and leaves you behind then I don't see why he has to limit a night out he is very probably looking forward to, and is partly to celebrate his birthday, just because you are 13 weeks pregnant. Unless of course, you are ill. Youre going with him to celebrate his birthday, aren't you? He isn't going without you. Is it worth being a killjoy and aiming to restrict the night?

I wouldn't be happy with 'walk you to the bus-stop' at all. I would be happy to get a cab home, though. Perhaps think about whether you really want to go or not, from what you've said it doesn't sound as if you will find it enjoyable anyway.

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/05/2014 23:24

I don't see the problem?

I often walk home alone in the city I live in. But dp and I have quite independent social lives and I'm often out after work.

I do think it is really weird he doesn't want these friends to know you're pregnant. What a massive pain in the arse for you. You can't drink like everybody and you can't even share your pregnancy news to make it that little less boring for 5 minutes.

Honestly, I'd have stayed at home and enjoyed some peace and quiet if I were you.

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