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AIBU?

dp, night out, pregnant

100 replies

alita7 · 03/05/2014 20:00

So dps friend is a dj whose doing a rock night in a pub tonight. dps parents are kindly having the kids for the night and we've planned to go along. It's his birthday on Monday so for him it's partly a birthday outing.
I assumed that as im 13 weeks pregnant that we'd come home when I wanted within reason so before 1... I mentioned this and he said no he'd walk me to the bus stop!
I don't feel this is particularly safe for me considering we live in a city!

I don't want to stay excessively long surrounded by those drinking when I can't drink, how much fun does he expect me to have?
I don't even know the people going very well I've met most of them in passing and never spent much time with them, this would be fine if I could drink and go and smoke.
I said that then maybe I shouldn't go so I don't ruin it for him (he doesn't really talk to me much when we go out anyway) but he said he wants to go together...

I haven't exactly been sociable since my bfp for obvious reasons so I wanted to try but now I don't know if I want to, should I go? I'm getting ready anyway so I get the choice but....

OP posts:

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eurochick · 03/05/2014 20:17

He's not being massively considerate (late nights and early pregnancy and not best friends in many cases), but I'm not sure why getting the bus is a problem. I live in London and frequently get the bus alone in the evening. It doesn't bother me.

Stay home. Or get a taxi/drive (if you have a car).

WorraLiberty · 03/05/2014 20:18

Definitely book a taxi and go home when you want.

HandragsNGladbags · 03/05/2014 20:18

Could you not drive?

I just wouldn't go

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 03/05/2014 20:18

could he at least put you in a taxi?

wheresthelight · 03/05/2014 20:19

Pourquoi were you born that nasty or did you train?!

Alita I think we need more info on why getting home alone is such an issue for you, I don't think it's unreasonable for him to want to stay out but if going home alone bothers you so much could he get you a taxi maybe? Or take you home and then go back? Hope you are ok

MrsDiesel · 03/05/2014 20:20

I am amazed by the amount of people that would happily get the bus on their own in the middle of the night. I wouldn't want to do that and dp wouldn't want me too either.

But since it is his birthday treat, why not go along and get a taxi home when you have had enough.

Coldlightofday · 03/05/2014 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

teaandthorazine · 03/05/2014 20:23

Either don't go, or book yourself a taxi for 10pm.

Am still not sure why it's dangerous for you to get on a bus but can see that it probably wouldn't be the most fun night out ever. But yabu to suggest that your dp has to come home when you do, especially if it's his birthday night out.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 03/05/2014 20:23

I don't know about nasty but I definitely learned to be independent.

The idea of being afraid to get on the bus at night, pregnant or not, and expecting my dp to leave his birthday night out early because of that baffles me.

LaQueenOfTheMay · 03/05/2014 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

teaandthorazine · 03/05/2014 20:24

MrsDiesel, I'm amazed by the number of grown women that apparently wouldnt.

magpiegin · 03/05/2014 20:25

If it's the coming home that's the problem could you drive? I went out for drinks with my husband this week and met him there, I am 21 weeks pregnant and forgot that I could drive and ended up getting the bus instead of driving! Doh.

Coldlightofday · 03/05/2014 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaQueenOfTheMay · 03/05/2014 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alita7 · 03/05/2014 20:35

Thanks for replies very mixed messages.

problems with bus include that I've had a bad incident before so he knows that going back alone is scary for me. And I can't afford a taxi, we can't afford to go out in all honestly, just as well I can't drink.

He also said he doesn't want to tell those people I'm pregnant yet as he doesn't want to discuss it all night, I get that side of it but I'm going to have to not drink and hide my belly (half bloat half mini bump) the two together will be obvious and I'm sick of hiding this...

He wants me to go as it's his birthday... he'll barely talk to me, most people who do will probably offer me a drink(that kind of culture) and I'll have to say no... not him.

I don't know what to do.

OP posts:

alita7 · 03/05/2014 20:36

oh and Maggie we don't have a car.

OP posts:

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 03/05/2014 20:37

I totally agree cold and laqueen

Only reason dh ever walked me to the bus stop was when we were teenagers so we could have an extra 15 minutes of snogging without any of our parents hanging around.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 03/05/2014 20:38

Op just don't go then. Doesn't sound like you'll have any fun anyway.

HaveYouTriedARewardChart · 03/05/2014 20:39

Explain all that to him! And don't go. Celebrate his birthday with him on your own at another time. This willbe a piss up with mates sort of celebration - nice for him if you're there in the background but would very unreasonable not to realise it will be very hard work for you.

Whenwillwe3meetagain · 03/05/2014 20:41

If you have had a scary incident before on the bus the he is being unreasonable to make you go alone on one at 1am.
I'd just stay home.

x2boys · 03/05/2014 20:42

When I was twenty weeks pregnant with ds1 myself and dh went to see guns and roses we had standing tickets in the mosh pit as when we booked it I had just found out in was pregnant and naievely underestimated just how difficult this would be for me I ended up being looked after by the first aiders and taken into the VIP lounge for a rest and water they thought I was drunk at first as I was exhausted until I stood up and they saw my belly so you are not being unreasonable!

redandchecker · 03/05/2014 20:43

It would be my worst nightmare to go out in this environment whilst pregnant, I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself and would worry about drunk people bashing into me in the dark. Eeveryone would be drunk and going out for fags whilst left on my own. I'd much rather take the oppurtunity to have a me night and enjoy a chick flick snuggled up with some ice cream!

I think if he doesn't go out often, its his birthday, then YABU.
I would imagine the night will only piss you off, and you may even start to feel a bit bitter about DP being drunk and having a good time so I'd probably say stay in! Have a warm bath and enjoy the evening to yourself, in 6 months, you wont get many of those any more!

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scottishmummy · 03/05/2014 20:46

Why dont you know what to do?its not insurmountable?book a minicab
Its his birthday,clearly he wants to go out.you dont seem keen?
either you go and travel home in cab or you don't go.its not hard

Snatchoo · 03/05/2014 20:47

Personally I think you're being totally wet.

Have a nice night out, go home when you want and leave DH out. Tell him to sleep on the sofa/in the kids room.

Get a cab if necessary. I'd get the last bus if I was getting the bus in.

scottishmummy · 03/05/2014 20:48

Why would adult need to sleep on sofa after night out?no way to that

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