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AIBU?

dp, night out, pregnant

100 replies

alita7 · 03/05/2014 20:00

So dps friend is a dj whose doing a rock night in a pub tonight. dps parents are kindly having the kids for the night and we've planned to go along. It's his birthday on Monday so for him it's partly a birthday outing.
I assumed that as im 13 weeks pregnant that we'd come home when I wanted within reason so before 1... I mentioned this and he said no he'd walk me to the bus stop!
I don't feel this is particularly safe for me considering we live in a city!

I don't want to stay excessively long surrounded by those drinking when I can't drink, how much fun does he expect me to have?
I don't even know the people going very well I've met most of them in passing and never spent much time with them, this would be fine if I could drink and go and smoke.
I said that then maybe I shouldn't go so I don't ruin it for him (he doesn't really talk to me much when we go out anyway) but he said he wants to go together...

I haven't exactly been sociable since my bfp for obvious reasons so I wanted to try but now I don't know if I want to, should I go? I'm getting ready anyway so I get the choice but....

OP posts:

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whois · 03/05/2014 23:25

You are a couple, and you really think it's a reasonable thing to do for him to put her on the bus home at midnight / one in the morning, then carry on partying ????

Yes, actually I do think it's ok generally. Just because I am in a relationship doesn't automatically mean that DP and I are up for a big night at the same time! Sometimes I want to stay later, sometimes he does. Sometimes we leave together. But I hate hate hate having to stay at a party when I'm tired and feeling like I'm being a killjoy sitting not chatting! I dislike feeling like DP wants to go and is just waiting for me also.

In this case there are wider issues than the bus thing though.

scottishmummy · 03/05/2014 23:35

There are other significant issues at olay here,this isnt just birthday drink

MeAuldSegotia · 03/05/2014 23:41

I think it's weird he wants u there if a he won't talk to u all nite and b he doesn't want to tell ur pregnant. Surely he knows how hard it is to explain not drinking on a nite like that. I personally wouldn't mind getting the last bus home on my own but don't know ur circumstances or where u live. But if I was using up a babysitting favour for a birthday night out I'd be wanting us to spend nite together having a meal/drink/cinema(what every floats ur boat) & having a rare chance to spend some grown up time and going home together for some cuddles. I wouldn't waste a babysitter or my time on a nite where I was ignored, subject to interrogation about drinking followed by a bus home alone. I would also have to question a partner who treats their partner like this. Sounds like a lot of drama.

Littleen · 03/05/2014 23:43

I don't actually think your OH is unreasonable, nor do I particularly think it matters that you're pregnant and can't drink or smoke either. Get a taxi home if you don't want to take the bus, go home early if you want to but don't make him come too unless he decides he is ready to go, that's not fair :) It's just a night out :)

pebblyshit · 04/05/2014 00:05

I think leaving a night out at a different time to your DP because you want to go home and they want to stay out or vice versa is perfectly acceptable.

The rest of it sounds fucked up to me.

MorrisZapp · 04/05/2014 00:13

This is a huge barney waiting to happen isn't it? You know how the night will pan out, you will probably have a crap time and end up arguing.

I don't know why you have gone out in these circumstances. Is it to prove a point?

TalisaMaegyr · 04/05/2014 00:21

How's it going OP?

beezlebop · 04/05/2014 01:00

Welcome to the world of women, ultimately the bloke sows his seed and the woman gets stuck with the field,!

Yambabe · 04/05/2014 01:25

you are 13 weeks, your baby is the size of an orange, no matter how you feel you are unlikely to be showing a bump.

My biggest concern for your baby isn't a night out, it's that you are still smoking.

MollyHooper · 04/05/2014 01:39

She didn't say she was smoking while pregnant Yam.

Remove the wedgie least you get thrush.

Yambabe · 04/05/2014 01:42

"this would be fine if I could drink and go smoke"

Oh yes she does......

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 04/05/2014 01:44

I must have missed where the OP said she is still smoking...

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 04/05/2014 01:44

That says IF ffs not that she is

MollyHooper · 04/05/2014 01:46

Yes, it would be fine if she could drink and smoke but she can't...

Because she's pregnant?

MollyHooper · 04/05/2014 01:51

I think Yam had an 'Oh!' moment.

Well I hope.

Yambabe · 04/05/2014 01:57

I did

Judgypants retired to the Big Drawer for now.........

MollyHooper · 04/05/2014 02:03

:o

Awh, don't worry. I have has so many 'Oh!' moments on MN I should probably be banned.

Keep those judgypants at hand, they will no doubt come in useful soon.

GarlicMaybeNot · 04/05/2014 02:15

So did you have a good time?

GarlicMaybeNot · 04/05/2014 02:20

By the way, my pants were on the fence about the whole issue until I read this:

he's told me I have to wear a hoodie to cover my belly the whole time

It made me very very cross indeed!

I'm hoping everything eased up, you took the hoodie off and danced, and you're both feeling happily tired now.

Chances are it didn't work out like that. I hope you'll update.

alita7 · 04/05/2014 03:30

thanks for replies.

just to clarify I don't smoke :p when I wasn't pregnant I only smoked on the rare occasions I drank anyway.

It was ok in the end. There was only 1 couple I knew there in the end and a few I'd met occasionally. DP asked me what I wanted to drink in front of the lady of the couple who I was talking to so she ended up directly asking so I said yes and he was happily drunk and didn't complain.
It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and in the end we compromised and came home together a bit later than I wanted as there weren't as many people there as he'd thought so he was ready to come home.
We made up and he was quite sweet on the way home.

I didn't have an amazing time but It could have gone worse and if I'd stayed home I think I'd have been grumpy all night but at least he and I got to make up :)

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 04/05/2014 03:37

We made up and he was quite sweet on the way home

Of course he was, he had got his own way without having to give you or your feelings a seconds thought! You have bigger issues here than a night out....

BOFster · 04/05/2014 03:50

I don't think you were being at all unreasonable- how ungallant/ungentlemanly is it for your partner to fuck you off while he stays out to party? Birthday? He's a grown adult- not some nesh 18 year-old, FGS. And it wasn't even a party for him!

Ignore the "cool girls", and don't let them make you feel like some controlling harridan - it's ridiculous to even be in a position to have this be an argument. If he he were a reasonably thoughtful and decent bloke who had his priorities straight, it wouldn't even be an issue.

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Catsize · 04/05/2014 04:42

Sorry OP, but per my earlier post, he sounds like a childish plank. What were you doing on the bus? Both on your phones incessantly? Confused as to how/why you did your massive post from earlier from the bus. Maybe I am just old fashioned when I think couples should want to be with each other when out rather than texting/Facebooking etc. He doesn't want to tell the news so it's not a topic of conversation all night?! Oh dear... Good luck when the baby comes OP. I fear you may need it.

Snatchoo · 04/05/2014 09:19

I know the thread has moved on since I posted, but I only meant get him to sleep on the sofa so she has an uninterrupted nights sleep. Obviously he doesn't have to but it sounds like he's intent on having a large one.

BackforGood · 04/05/2014 09:28

Thank goodness BOFster - I was beginning to think I'd arrived from some different planet or something.

The fact that anyone can actually believe this

Welcome to the world of women, ultimately the bloke sows his seed and the woman gets stuck with the field

is I think a very sad reflection of where some people are stuck in life. This is not my experience, nor the experience of people I know - it's shocking that people think this is a "normal" place to be and not an exceptional, sad, sad place to end up

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