to feel screwed over by our society, can't afford a home, can't afford children, can't afford car

[Lauranda]

I'm in my early 30s, had a great up bringing, do a job I like and got married last year. I do feel very lucky.

However where we live in the south east, all we can afford to rent is a badly converted 1 bed flat with a damp problem. Can't really save much and are very economical with our money so can't see ever affording anything bigger and could never bring up a child here.

My parents managed to get a large 4 bed Edwardian house on one sallery when I was growing up and dads job level was about the same as dh. No way could with double sallarys afford anything near that lifestyle.

Parents keep saying my time will come, but looking at the statistics that seams very wishful thinking. Parents have kindly offered 15k to help get a house but to be any use would need much more than that and to pray interest rates never rose much.

Am I alone in just being unable to afford children even though we both work full time?

[ThingsThatShine]

You are really lucky to have the 15k help for a start.

I agree just move a little bit further to a slightly cheaper area but not "away" as such if your DP business is based in the south east and parents, especially if your parents are keen to help with child care when the time comes as that will be a big saving.

What is your income between you if not too nosy? You need to put aside whatever you can and build up the deposit further. Can you do shared ownership part rent part buy type thing if full mortgage is out of reach? Eligible for any help to buy?

[HenriettaTurkey]

My family are from the SE with my parents, DSis, aunts, uncles & cousins all living in the same town. My DSis has just bought a 2 bed flat for £250k. I live 3h away and my best friend here has just bought a 2bed house for £27k. It's a fixer upper for sure, but still!

I miss the fact that DS doesn't see his grandparents that much (dh's parents died before DS was born) but Skype is a wonderful thing. Also it's great to visit and really feels like a holiday. We have a lovely 3 bed with a big garden in a lovely village with good schools, links to a great city & amazing countryside.

It's so much better than a damp 1 bed & we get around childcare issues other ways.

Good luck with what you decide.

[sebsmummy1]

You are not wrong, the baby boomers certainly enjoyed a great lifestyle that their children and grandchildren will not, in the main, be able to emulate. However it's very easy to get sucked into victim-mode, and whilst it pretty cozy feeling sorry for yourself, it won't get you the lifestyle you want.

I think you are either going to have to focus on affording your life as it is and accept it won't be the four bedroom exec house with SAHM you desire. Or you are going to have to see if it's possible to earn more so you can afford more.

If having children is very important to you please don't put this off for too long xx

[specialsubject]

notice landlord to tenant is 2 months, not two weeks.
you can set up a tenancy for as long as you can agree. That can be years. That is NOW, not waiting for Milliband's promises.

boring old facts again..

but I agree - if you can't afford where you live now, move.

[janey68]

No one is suggesting you emigrate to the other side of the world!! ( though nothing wrong with that if you want to)
You will be able to travel to visit both sets of gps if you do have children in the future... They can travel to visit you. There are many far cheaper areas that are within a days travel. Ime there are many advantages to visiting the gps being a special experience rather than having them live round the corner. My own gps lived a long way away, and I saw them maybe 3 times a year but I had a hugely loving relationship and wonderful memories of holidays spent with them

Like others say- its priorities. Decide what is most important... Do you want to remain in your area for now and put off having kids for a few years? Move now? Re train. For a more lucrative career? Buy a car?

We can't have everything we want, when we want is, life is all about compromise.

You already have a huge gift from your parents in the form of a hefty amount of house deposit

As for childcare... Well if and when you have children, that's your and your dhs reap

[turgiday]

There are cheaper places to live in the SE. You don't have to move 100's of miles away.

[janey68]

Oops!
Your responsibility to arrange. Gps aren't there to provide a free childminding service! Let them enjoy the pleasures without the pressures

[HappyMummyOfOne]

If its housing costs, then if you want to have a family, nice cars etc then you'll have to move. Its not suddenly going to be handed to you on a plate.

Children are expensive though, love posts that say they are not full time childcare is hundreds a month not to mention food, clothes, school trips etc. No wonder so many people end up in a mess if they thinks its just a few outfits.

[Mintyy]

Yanbu. My generation (50s) have mostly been incredibly fortunate. However, we've got no pensions to look forward to! I don't know what the answer is but I find I get the rage when I think of the gap between rich and then middle class and then poor in this country.

The truth is that someone on an above average salary should not need tax credits to be able to afford to live here.

[FraidyCat]

I'm a bit surprised by how many people are lecturing OP.

Those who've achieved what she aspires (as a result of their superior earning / budgeting / scrimping abilities) probably didn't buy their first home this year. My flat is worth three times what I paid for it in 1998, I would not be able to buy it today. How many of these people would be able to buy their current home with the income and savings they had when they did buy it?

15K is nice, but people are deluded calling it a deposit on a home, it won't even cover what I loosely term moving costs. When I bought my flat, by the time I'd paid legal fees, stamp duty, and for inexpensive carpets, curtains and a minimal amount of Ikea furniture, I'd spent 20K.

[TheBogQueen]

OP

It's so sad. DP and I saw the writing on the wall 10 years ago. We knew there was no way we could raise a family in south London, we just didn't earn enough.

My family have lived in London for generations. But no more. It is not for us. If you are on an average income the only solution is to move away. We moved 400 miles away.

My advice is to look at where you can move to. And with grandchildren - well I know my mother doesn't see as much of her grandchildren as she would like but I really work hard at getting down to Lopndon 3/4 tiomes a year and she comes up.

It isn't perfect but people cope, life throws this sort of crap at you all the time and you have to just do your best.

If you want children then you have to make it happen. And no you don't need a house, many, many children live happily in flats, share bedrooms, in every city in the world this is the norm.

[Artandco]

I agree

We live in London. Moved here 8 years ago for work. Our jobs basically only exist in London ( or another capital ie Paris/ New York etc)

We have two children, work around 120 hrs a week between us on fairly good income, yet still can only afford a 1 bed flat rented. Our flat we Currnwlty live in is valued at £580,000. So we need at least £60k as a deposit.

Not sure how/when we will save that after paying high rent/ high childcare/ commuting fees/ as well as daily food/ stuff/ bills

[TheBogQueen]

Oh and donj't listen to al the self righteous, 'I worked hard...emtitled..blah blah' the truth is the situation is really tough for your generation, all my sympathy, but don't be a martyr to it.

If you want children then think about the best way of achieving this and go for it. Yu will have to make sacrifices, life isn't fair, but there it is.

[ThePriory]

This reminds me of the other thread,
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a2058664-To-wonder-how-the-next-generation-will-afford-a-house

OP, have a read through, a lot of people agree with you.

It's hard to see how this generation have not been screwed over, (or how it looks for the next) but the solution to most, so it seems, is just not live in the South East....

[whois]

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted said it better than I could.

Rather than complaining about society screwing you over focus in improving your career and earning potential or focus on achieving what you want (nice house?) by making plans on how to get that - move someone else in the country, a less desirable area near you, further out so longer commute, or a do-er-up-er?

[juneau]

If your parents are comfortably off, which you seem to suggest they are, could they help you out? My parents helped my sister to buy her house, by giving her an 'advance' on her inheritance. She was stuck at home with my DM and step-dad until she was 31, but as a single person earning around £20k a year she had no hope of buying anything on her own

There seem to be a lot of suggestions that you move to a cheaper part of the country, but what about a cheaper town? The town I live in, for instance, is extremely expensive (London commuter belt, historic town centre), but the town about 15 mins away, which doesn't have the same connections to London and isn't known for its aesthetic qualities, is masses cheaper. Sometimes you don't have to move very far to get a much better deal on housing, so could you perhaps do that?

[HermioneWeasley]

DP and I grew up in the south. Can't afford the quality of life we want there so we moved out, and (shock) take care of our kids or pay for Childcare. It's not heartbreaking. You sound a but silly and spoiled. A £15k gift is an amazing start and it's completely unrealistic to think the first place you buy woukd be a lovely 4 bed house.

By the way, how much did you spend on your wedding?

[LuisSuarezTeeth]

YANBU it does feel like you have been screwed over sometimes. I'm with Hecate * on this, think about what can have. Make a plan - it's better than feeling helpless.

*When is the revolution? I'll put it on the calendar

[juneau]

Oh and don't count on your family being ultra-helpful when any GC come along. Some are and some aren't, but there are always plenty of posts on MN along the lines of 'my parents are so busy enjoying their retirement that they don't want to know'. Plan on managing by yourselves, then any help is a bonus. And if you need to move to a cheaper area to have the home and the lifestyle you want, don't let proximity to family put you off. When I see what lovely family homes go for up north my eyes nearly fall out of my head. Seriously - go on rightmove and have a look.

[GrassIsSinging]

It is definitely a climate of having to make difficult choices about how you live and what your priorities are, that's for sure.

Unfortunately, it isnt as easy as saying 'well leave the SE, then'. A sixth of our population live in or near to London for a reason. It is where the work is. Yes, we could all go and buy a nice house for tuppence if we moved up north...but could we all find jobs? Not to mention that many people living in the SE are public sector workers. We need them here.

In response to the OP, though - not many people are going to be buying a nice big family home as their first home in London/the SE. If you have gt £15k from your parents and can save a little more, you're in a better positin than many to be able to afford a mortgage on a 2 bed flat, and that is adequate for starting a family.

[TheBogQueen]

I see alot of rhetoric in the south east about immigration, but no one seems bothered about how people are forced to be economic migrants within their country. Families are scattered, community links broken, all because of the housing boom.

I suppose complaining about the loss of these simple life-enhancing things is a symptom of my sense of entitlement in the age of austerity. But it is very sad that normal people are made to feel guilty for the simple desire to raise their children near their grandparents.

[traininthedistance]

YANBU OP. But don't listen to lots of the posters on this thread, who haven't a clue about how things have changed for this generation but like to pop up lecturing others about not saving enough (I know a bunch of people in their thirties, all Oxbridge educated in professional jobs and none of them under 35 can afford to save much/buy a house or have a family in the south unless they've had substantial inheritance/help from parents). Rent alone takes up around a half of most young people's income for years.

It's fantastically annoying when the same posters pop up to hector others. NeartheWindymill, for example, you've said over and over again on many threads that you earned a lot of money in the city in the eighties and that your husband is a barrister now turning over close to half a million a year. You are completely insulated from the expenses and living costs young people in their twenties and thirties face today. Please give it up with the lecturing!

[TiredFeet]

I think the thing is we have been somewhat screwed over, but people like the op should still appreciate how bloody lucky they are to get offers of help. We had to find a way to save up the entire deposit (and yes, bought this year).

And I don't think we have any 'right' to the same type of house that our parents had, however hard that is to come to terms with

[RabbitSaysWoof]

Sorry didnt have time to rft someone may have already suggested, but have you looked at any shared ownership schemes?
Some of them you have the option to gradually buy a higher proportion as your finances improve.