to feel screwed over by our society, can't afford a home, can't afford children, can't afford car

[Lauranda]

I'm in my early 30s, had a great up bringing, do a job I like and got married last year. I do feel very lucky.

However where we live in the south east, all we can afford to rent is a badly converted 1 bed flat with a damp problem. Can't really save much and are very economical with our money so can't see ever affording anything bigger and could never bring up a child here.

My parents managed to get a large 4 bed Edwardian house on one sallery when I was growing up and dads job level was about the same as dh. No way could with double sallarys afford anything near that lifestyle.

Parents keep saying my time will come, but looking at the statistics that seams very wishful thinking. Parents have kindly offered 15k to help get a house but to be any use would need much more than that and to pray interest rates never rose much.

Am I alone in just being unable to afford children even though we both work full time?

[davi3]

My story is this.
Ten yrs ago I was single and desperate for my own place so.....I thought hard and came to one unpleasant conclusion. I was going to have to suffer to get what I wanted.
I found a cheap dirty room in a house with a crummy family down below and rented it for a few quid each week.
I didnt spend any money. I didnt go out, in fact to be truthful I suffered quite a bit, almost became a recluse..but I saved nearly £20,000 over two years.
I now have my own place.
I dont understand young peeps who want everything, hols, cars, pressies and all the rest of the BS that goes with youth. The most important thing in life is the security of ur own home...nothing else matters!. Renting leads to the total destruction of ur well being. And its in middle to old age when you need comfort and fun which Iam now enjoying.

[rabbitrisen]

Quite.

[ScarlettlovesRhett]

rabbit, I just read the diabetes one - all becomes clear now.

[22honey]

'The OP is 10 years older than you. What do you think you might do so you are in a different position to her in 10 years time? Things may be hard and maybe even harder then, but there are chances to succeed.'

The only thing thats wrong with the position she is in from my point of view is the fact she lives in an area where two people on a good wage cannot afford anymore than a 1 bedroom flat.

Yes I am 22, I am already living in a 2 bedroom house with a garden, I'd say my living arrangements are better than the OP's at the moment who despite working when I don't, she still cannot afford more than 1 bed flat. What different position do you mean? The OP said she has a good job that she enjoys and her DH has his own business...is this a position people universally don't want to be in?

I can avoid this scenario by not moving to the South East. Other than that, theres sod all wrong with the position she is in.

[rabbitrisen]

The op has been starting several threads recently.

[YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime]

you also need to review where your money goes each month. after you have paid your basic utility bills and accommodation how much is left?

I expect there are lots of areas you can and need to cut costs if you want to buy a SE house.

[janey68]

Hear hear. You need to sit down with your partner and list all the possible changes you could make and then rank them in preferred order.

These are the adjustments we made... Other people will have different things according to their particular circumstances:

• moved away from the south east where we were both raised
  
• went back to work when dc were 12 weeks old so that my long term employability remained good.
  
• took out a loan to tide us through when we had 2 children in nursery and it cost the same as my salary
  
• did weekend bar work on top of regular jobs when interest rates were really high
  

On the plus side, because I've stayed in work and had promotions, our children are now teenagers and not needing childcare, and interest rates are so unbelievably low, we have been overpaying our mortgage for the last few years which is great.

It goes in cycles, and you'll get the advantages to whatever decisions you make; you just need to accept that everything has pros and cons

[ChocolateWombat]

So OP, are you going to stay where you are? Are you going to change anything at all.....reduce expenditure, increase income, look at other areas, gather some savings........or will you be in the same position in 5 years time, but late 30s not early 30s?
If you want change to happen for you, you need an action plan and despite loads of fantastic suggestions on this thread,mI'm not sure if you are prepared to change anything at all, to improve your long term position. I'd be interested to know, after all these people have put lots of time into giving you suggestions.

[ScarlettlovesRhett]

Youare, I am always looking for solutions - my mind is on the go constantly on a hundred different things.

I should probably just have a really good whinge for the sake of it about something I have no intention of trying to 'fix'.
....but then I would start to think about how to fix it, even though it wasn't on my radar before, and so my mind goes on and on and on.....

[MelonadeAgain]

I think the OP is possibly losing sympathy on admitting that she has the offer of a 15k deposit and doesn't want to make use of it.

I've borrowed deposits in the form of bank loans (e.g. "car loans") to buy. I weighed up the risks and ended up making profits out of it! I expect a few people struggled to get together both deposits and get a mortgage, but managed.

[janey68]

Another one here struggling to understand exactly what it is you're moaning about.

You say you feel your generation specifically has been screwed over. The reality is that you both have jobs, you have been given £15000 towards your first home... But you don't want to move anywhere else and actually you don't really want to buy at all in case the value of your house doesn't go up and up!!

You need a reality check. Look, each generation has its own particular bugbears. I lived through the times of interest rates in double figures for aeons, and then that horrendous day when the bank raised them 3 times in the course of one day! We, and many of our friends, found our mortgage payments doubled in the space of a matter of weeks. Oh and if you really want to hear a gripe, try living through the time when you got 3 months paid maternity leave and NO help towards childcare, no tax Credits, no 15 hours early years care for free at age 3... Just full childcare fees payable from 12 weeks until the child started school.

See- we can all play competitive hardship. It won't change anything though. You are living through this particular time and you just need to get on with it- and to be frank you are luckier than most.

You've had sound advice on here about taking a salaried job if getting a mortgage is your priority, moving to a cheaper area... Or you could stay where you are and rent... There are options to be had. There's an upside and downside to any choice though, you just need to accept that life isn't perfect and you'll need to compromise somewhere

[YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime]

I think the OP is just having a moan not looking for a solution and we all do that sometimes.

well except me

[rabbitrisen]

I have lost the point of why you are moaning.

You think that you are being the clever one. We all come at life from different angles. No one size fits all.

We all have to deal our own hand.

Personally I feel sorriest for the ones whose health is rubbish. Or who have had early bereavement. Stuff like that.

I dont blame you for being wary of buying a house at this time. I too think it is a bit risky. But there are ups and downs to all parts of life. No one has it perfect.

[MelonadeAgain]

It seams you define "taking a risk" as buying a house in what looks like an over inflated bubble

Maybe your real problem is procrastination, rather than being screwed over by society? I would tend towards not paying too much attention to other people's definitions of risk and making sound decisions for myself.

If you are "investing" joint money in your DP's business, I hope you have a formal partnership agreement drawn up, to protect you in any of the eventualities that might happen. I also hope its a worthwhile business venture - bricks and mortar has a lower perception of risk borne out by history than business start-ups.

I wonder if your real problem is lack of mortgage eligibility because of your DP's business, and very little to do with society at all. Its hardly breaking news that lenders are very traditional and reserved in their lending conditions. Your DP could actually run down his business a little to take a salaried job for a while in order to meet mortgage criteria, before returning to it.

[ScarlettlovesRhett]

But you were originally bemoaning the fact that you couldn't afford kids, mortgage or car - even with a 15k hand out.

What is it you actually want?

How are you actually screwed over?

[YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime]

so now is not the right time for you to buy- which is sensible but I am having trouble understanding what you are unhappy with?

[Lauranda]

It seams you define "taking a risk" as buying a house in what looks like an over inflated bubble.

I'm happier risking our money by ploughing it into dh biz.

Its Franky ridiculous that so many people feel themselves as savy investors just by buying a house and wanting to Make money for doing nothing. Never been a fan of pyramid schemes.

[YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime]

Could move to a cheaper areas that is quite rough, sign up for a lifetime of debt with government handouts while interest rates are at a historic level but seams too risky.

but if you don't want to take a risk then, renting is a better option as you don't end up owning something with a large debt attached to it.

most people who have bought a house, have taken a risk. and it did not work out for everyone. you are in the same situation as the rest of us are/have been in.

[ScarlettlovesRhett]

Do you actually want to improve your situation, or do you just want to moan about it?

Either is fine, your choice obviously, but if you do nothing to help yourself you will find that people around you quickly tire of listening to how it is everything else to blame for your situation.

[GooseyLoosey]

OP - I feel for you.

Nearly 20 years ago, I bought a flat quite like this one: www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-45628193.html for 74,000.

At the time it represented around 3 times my salary. The flat is now in excess of 475,000 which is around 8 times the salary of someone in an equivalent position today.

I sold the flat after 5 years for 145,000 and bought a house for 210,00 which I again sold after 5 years for 410,000. I bought a house 7 years ago for 460,00 which I spent 100,000 on and it is now worth 800k+ (and is only a 4 bedroomed house).

I don't see how my children will ever be able to afford to buy a house like the one they have grown up in and it depresses me. dh and I have already concluded that we will need to sell our house and give the dcs a significant amount of money to enable them to buy anything at all.

[Lauranda]

This isn't a woe is me, was being melodramatic in the title.

Could move to a cheaper areas that is quite rough, sign up for a lifetime of debt with government handouts while interest rates are at a historic level but seams too risky.


The worst recession since the 1920s is pretty much agreed by economists. Maybe the full affects havbent been felt yet due to the printing money and artificial ly keeping house prices high.

[fanoftheinvisibleman]

I have sympathy up to a point but it is the woe is me 'worst recession in most peoples lifetime' where I lose interests. It is okay to feel sorry for your own situation but seriously, it is this idea that we are the most hard done by generation that is getting me.

I know I have referred a lot to how things have changed since our grandparents generation but seriously things have never been equal for all in any generation.

The previous generation didn't all have it easy. I am in my 30's like you but my memory of childhood is clearly not the same as yours. Try growing up in 1980'sNoerthern mining towns and this is seriously not the worst resession I have every seen. Ypu cannot imagine, buying a property wasn't peoples concern it was having a roof over your head at all. I remember sitting repossesions and women collecting food in the town centre to feed the hungry. I am in my 30's too! I am not playing a violin here, I am bloody lucky, we have jobs and have never been unemployed. Have a house that needs doing up but I don't care about that, it's home and we are happy.

Instead of look how easy it was for 'our' parents, have you considered that maybe you were lucky and your parents did well? I can promise you there are many others of your generation that remember economics through childhood differently. This is by no means the worst I have seen my community by a long stretch.

[NCISaddict]

Whereabouts in the South east do you live? It's a big area, I live in the south east but having moved 10 miles in the past 5 years have a much cheaper house.
Also what sort of business does your DH do and what sort of job do you do? Answers to these sorts of questions may make it easier for people to give targeted advice.

[ScarlettlovesRhett]

Why lol?

Why at 30+, with no children and a 15k monetary gift can you and your partner not move to a slightly cheaper area?

[Lauranda]

Lol at all these people saying that someone that wants to live relatively close to their parents is someone brought up to be scared of moving and is working class and wants to live in the same street as their family. Haven't got a clue.

To the person that said why did my dh set up biz here, because we dont have a crystal ball and were not expecting house prices to rise 30%+ in the worst recession in most peoples lifetime!