to feel screwed over by our society, can't afford a home, can't afford children, can't afford car

[Lauranda]

I'm in my early 30s, had a great up bringing, do a job I like and got married last year. I do feel very lucky.

However where we live in the south east, all we can afford to rent is a badly converted 1 bed flat with a damp problem. Can't really save much and are very economical with our money so can't see ever affording anything bigger and could never bring up a child here.

My parents managed to get a large 4 bed Edwardian house on one sallery when I was growing up and dads job level was about the same as dh. No way could with double sallarys afford anything near that lifestyle.

Parents keep saying my time will come, but looking at the statistics that seams very wishful thinking. Parents have kindly offered 15k to help get a house but to be any use would need much more than that and to pray interest rates never rose much.

Am I alone in just being unable to afford children even though we both work full time?

[MelonadeAgain]

It seams you define "taking a risk" as buying a house in what looks like an over inflated bubble

Maybe your real problem is procrastination, rather than being screwed over by society? I would tend towards not paying too much attention to other people's definitions of risk and making sound decisions for myself.

If you are "investing" joint money in your DP's business, I hope you have a formal partnership agreement drawn up, to protect you in any of the eventualities that might happen. I also hope its a worthwhile business venture - bricks and mortar has a lower perception of risk borne out by history than business start-ups.

I wonder if your real problem is lack of mortgage eligibility because of your DP's business, and very little to do with society at all. Its hardly breaking news that lenders are very traditional and reserved in their lending conditions. Your DP could actually run down his business a little to take a salaried job for a while in order to meet mortgage criteria, before returning to it.

[rabbitrisen]

I have lost the point of why you are moaning.

You think that you are being the clever one. We all come at life from different angles. No one size fits all.

We all have to deal our own hand.

Personally I feel sorriest for the ones whose health is rubbish. Or who have had early bereavement. Stuff like that.

I dont blame you for being wary of buying a house at this time. I too think it is a bit risky. But there are ups and downs to all parts of life. No one has it perfect.

[YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime]

I think the OP is just having a moan not looking for a solution and we all do that sometimes.

well except me

[janey68]

Another one here struggling to understand exactly what it is you're moaning about.

You say you feel your generation specifically has been screwed over. The reality is that you both have jobs, you have been given £15000 towards your first home... But you don't want to move anywhere else and actually you don't really want to buy at all in case the value of your house doesn't go up and up!!

You need a reality check. Look, each generation has its own particular bugbears. I lived through the times of interest rates in double figures for aeons, and then that horrendous day when the bank raised them 3 times in the course of one day! We, and many of our friends, found our mortgage payments doubled in the space of a matter of weeks. Oh and if you really want to hear a gripe, try living through the time when you got 3 months paid maternity leave and NO help towards childcare, no tax Credits, no 15 hours early years care for free at age 3... Just full childcare fees payable from 12 weeks until the child started school.

See- we can all play competitive hardship. It won't change anything though. You are living through this particular time and you just need to get on with it- and to be frank you are luckier than most.

You've had sound advice on here about taking a salaried job if getting a mortgage is your priority, moving to a cheaper area... Or you could stay where you are and rent... There are options to be had. There's an upside and downside to any choice though, you just need to accept that life isn't perfect and you'll need to compromise somewhere

[MelonadeAgain]

I think the OP is possibly losing sympathy on admitting that she has the offer of a 15k deposit and doesn't want to make use of it.

I've borrowed deposits in the form of bank loans (e.g. "car loans") to buy. I weighed up the risks and ended up making profits out of it! I expect a few people struggled to get together both deposits and get a mortgage, but managed.

[ScarlettlovesRhett]

Youare, I am always looking for solutions - my mind is on the go constantly on a hundred different things.

I should probably just have a really good whinge for the sake of it about something I have no intention of trying to 'fix'.
....but then I would start to think about how to fix it, even though it wasn't on my radar before, and so my mind goes on and on and on.....

[ChocolateWombat]

So OP, are you going to stay where you are? Are you going to change anything at all.....reduce expenditure, increase income, look at other areas, gather some savings........or will you be in the same position in 5 years time, but late 30s not early 30s?
If you want change to happen for you, you need an action plan and despite loads of fantastic suggestions on this thread,mI'm not sure if you are prepared to change anything at all, to improve your long term position. I'd be interested to know, after all these people have put lots of time into giving you suggestions.

[janey68]

Hear hear. You need to sit down with your partner and list all the possible changes you could make and then rank them in preferred order.

These are the adjustments we made... Other people will have different things according to their particular circumstances:

• moved away from the south east where we were both raised
  
• went back to work when dc were 12 weeks old so that my long term employability remained good.
  
• took out a loan to tide us through when we had 2 children in nursery and it cost the same as my salary
  
• did weekend bar work on top of regular jobs when interest rates were really high
  

On the plus side, because I've stayed in work and had promotions, our children are now teenagers and not needing childcare, and interest rates are so unbelievably low, we have been overpaying our mortgage for the last few years which is great.

It goes in cycles, and you'll get the advantages to whatever decisions you make; you just need to accept that everything has pros and cons

[YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime]

you also need to review where your money goes each month. after you have paid your basic utility bills and accommodation how much is left?

I expect there are lots of areas you can and need to cut costs if you want to buy a SE house.

[rabbitrisen]

The op has been starting several threads recently.

[22honey]

'The OP is 10 years older than you. What do you think you might do so you are in a different position to her in 10 years time? Things may be hard and maybe even harder then, but there are chances to succeed.'

The only thing thats wrong with the position she is in from my point of view is the fact she lives in an area where two people on a good wage cannot afford anymore than a 1 bedroom flat.

Yes I am 22, I am already living in a 2 bedroom house with a garden, I'd say my living arrangements are better than the OP's at the moment who despite working when I don't, she still cannot afford more than 1 bed flat. What different position do you mean? The OP said she has a good job that she enjoys and her DH has his own business...is this a position people universally don't want to be in?

I can avoid this scenario by not moving to the South East. Other than that, theres sod all wrong with the position she is in.

[ScarlettlovesRhett]

rabbit, I just read the diabetes one - all becomes clear now.

[rabbitrisen]

Quite.

[davi3]

My story is this.
Ten yrs ago I was single and desperate for my own place so.....I thought hard and came to one unpleasant conclusion. I was going to have to suffer to get what I wanted.
I found a cheap dirty room in a house with a crummy family down below and rented it for a few quid each week.
I didnt spend any money. I didnt go out, in fact to be truthful I suffered quite a bit, almost became a recluse..but I saved nearly £20,000 over two years.
I now have my own place.
I dont understand young peeps who want everything, hols, cars, pressies and all the rest of the BS that goes with youth. The most important thing in life is the security of ur own home...nothing else matters!. Renting leads to the total destruction of ur well being. And its in middle to old age when you need comfort and fun which Iam now enjoying.