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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to have PIL to stay.

51 replies

LuluJakey1 · 02/05/2014 22:02

It's Bank Holiday weekend, looks like it's going to be sunny, we are knackered and had planned a quiet weekend around home-bit of gardening, a walk on the beach, wander round village market, just lazing around together. Now DH has announced he spoke to PIL today and they are coming up in the morning and staying until Tuesday morning. Just want to spend some time with us. He doesn't mind- very close to his parents. I am pissed off beyond belief. They are lovely but I am just tired and want a break, not to be making up beds, cooking meals, not having any privacy, having to entertain them. I just wanted a quiet, relaxing weekend with no pressure. I wouldn't mind betting they half- suggested it and he just said fine without even thinking about it. I am so tired I could cry. AIBU?

OP posts:

maddening · 02/05/2014 22:07

make him make the beds and tidy and go out for meals - pil would be probably happy to go to market and walk on the beach.

yanbu to want time to yourself and it's last minute to spring it on you - maybe suggest they leave after breakfast on Monday if they arrive tomorrow so you still get a full day together

Jelliebabe2 · 02/05/2014 22:07

No I'd be pissec off at having no warning! Cock

MrsWembley · 02/05/2014 22:07

Here's how you could view it - are they usable, that is, letting you have a lie-in with DH, or, indeed, on your own? And could they do the wandering around with DH and the DCs whilst you get on with sitting around in the sun sipping on g&ts and reading/snoozing important stuff?

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 02/05/2014 22:07

I'd whack my husband with a frying pan and decamp to a hotel if he did this to me.

But then my pils are extremely difficult and I need weeks of quiet meditation (and gin) to prepare for their visit.

Having guests is always hard work. So make him do it... He can prep the beds, shop and cook... You should still be able to put your feet up for some of the weekend.

AgentZigzag · 02/05/2014 22:12

YANBU, get him to ring them back saying they can't come.

Agree, he's a cock.

iwantsun · 02/05/2014 22:18

Let him bloody do everything, cook, beds and the entertaining if he won't ring them and tell them they can't come

Original poster

LuluJakey1 · 02/05/2014 22:28

And I feel guilty reading this back because they are so nice and don't expect to be waited on hand and foot and I know they will have brought us something really thoughtful as a thank you. They will be so pleased to see him - and me. But we won't be able to have a lie-in, eat breakfast in bed with the papers, lie on the sofa watching a film and not talking, just sleep. And that's all I wanted to do, all I felt capable of doing.Now I will go back to work on Tuesday feeling like it has been no break.

OP posts:

redexpat · 02/05/2014 22:31

Can you have a bout of sudden onset diaohrea? You wouldnt want to get them sick too would you?

catsofa · 02/05/2014 22:34

YANBU, it's not acceptable to make decisions that affect you without consulting you!

He'll have to tell his parents he's sorry, he made a mistake, you have something on and can't do this weekend could they make it next weekend (or time that you agree with him) instead as you would love to see them.

Original poster

LuluJakey1 · 02/05/2014 22:34

No DCs, just me and DH. They aren't demanding at all. They will do anything to help us. FIL will help do the garden. They'll love a walk on the beach and will happily wander round the flea market. DH will help with beds, we can eat out. You are right about all of that. I just didn't want company. I think I am just feeling sorry for myself for some reason- probably hormonal- sore boobs, tired, miserable. Need to pull myself together and stop being whingey.

OP posts:

Moonshine1 · 02/05/2014 22:35

How far are they coming from? Could they arrive tomorrow and leave on Sunday, say after lunch, so you'd still have the rest of Sunday plus Monday to yourselves?

Original poster

LuluJakey1 · 02/05/2014 22:37

Told him you had said he is a cock. He is horrified!

OP posts:

FunkyBoldRibena · 02/05/2014 22:38

Do you not live with your DH? Surely he should be asking you first, before inviting them over if you live there too?

Personally I'd tell them that I was shattered and not to expect too much faffing, as I needed some lie ins and some quiet time this weekend.

Original poster

LuluJakey1 · 02/05/2014 22:44

2 1/2 hr drive. It's only a fortnight since we went down there. They just love him and SIL to bits. I didn't grow up in this kind of family- only child, older parents, used to own space- and I do sometimes get a bit ratty about the closeness. But they are genuine, nice, funny people and I really like them. Just wish they were staying at home this weekend- theirs not ours.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 02/05/2014 22:44

He's being even more unreasonable if you haven't got DC!

All that down time and not a snotty nose to wipe in sight? You wouldn't spoil it with guests if you had children

But even if you opt out of doing all the shit that goes with having visitors (however lovely they are) you'd just look as though you're being arsey with them, so you don't have any choice but to interact/get up early/play hostess.

He owes you big time, at least a weekend away somewhere...

FunkyBoldRibena · 02/05/2014 22:51

It's your bank holiday too, it is not unreasonable to want to have a long weekend at home, without guests.

He needs to consult you before he makes plans for your time again, it really is fucking rude.

Original poster

LuluJakey1 · 02/05/2014 22:59

He has just confessed- very sheepishly- it was a joke. He said it to wind me up and had no idea I was so upset and had come on here and sounded off. He thought I was reading on my Kindle until I said people though he was a cock. So they are not coming up!!!! He said sorry, didn't mean to cause upset, just a joke. I am not falling about laughing but I do now have a mug of tea and my jaw is unclenched. However, his 'So, d'you fancy a shag then or what?' accompanied by what he thinks of as his winning smile, was met with short shrift.

OP posts:

Tvseemstobemyhobby · 02/05/2014 23:03

I'm coming at this as more of a realist

PIL; We were thinking of coming to see you this weekend
DH; Let me check with her indoors and get back to you

DH; So . Sorry Mum and Dad we've actually got something on every day this bank holiday weekend

MIL to FIL: It's her I'm telling you she doesn't like us, she's controlling hin, she's driving a wedge between them...

You would look awful and you know you'd never do it to them or your DH. So you're just going to have to get on with it.

Console yourself that the next Bank Holiday is nice and close and tell everyone who will listen that you will be doing nothing that weekend.

Glitterfeet · 02/05/2014 23:10

YaNbu for not wanting them to come & needing a relaxed time.

But. My husband doesn't tend to discuss it with me before he invites his parents over, I often don''t with my parents. This weekend I told him, my parents are coming over on xxx. I often impose all of us on my parents because they live somewhere nice. Or we turn up at the Inlaws for a cuppa. If anyone said it wasn't a good time, we'd change plans without another thought.

Often these arrangements happen as we're on the phone. If something is unreasonable, very irritating, or unworkable, we change plans. Otherwise we smile and live with it. I'm lucky because we all get along.

Make sure your dp does his share of the planning, thinking and doing. Lunch? Oh what did you get in? And what time are we eating?

Make use of the Inlaws. Time for that afternoon showing of movie wth at least a 12 rating.

Glitterfeet · 02/05/2014 23:13

Ah, posted this before I read the latest.

EmpressOfJurisfiction · 02/05/2014 23:13

This has now become one of those threads that gives meaning to the phrase RTFT.

AgentZigzag · 02/05/2014 23:14

Woohoo

I retract my cock

He should still suffer for it though, make sure you remember to bring it up endlessly in arguments won't you?

Lilaclily · 02/05/2014 23:16

A Joke???
He sounds a hoot

Isabeller · 02/05/2014 23:16

Cock and Bull...

Hope you have a really nice weekend being waited on hand and foot

littlegreengloworm · 02/05/2014 23:20

Well at least he knows the next time to check with you first so that will save future weekend.

Totally get you, my in laws are lovely but I need space too.

Do you think he was playing devils advocate and he wants them to stay more, but was testing?

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