To think that my parents have treated me unfairly?

[Roooobarb]

I have one sister, who is 3 years younger than me. We are both in our thirties now, and we each have 2 children. Dsis has always been my parents' favourite but in the past few years she has been favoured even more. I have broached the subject with my mother in the past few weeks and as a result she and my father aren't speaking to me. My mum said that I need to learn when to keep my mouth shut!

I will give a few examples of things that my parents have done that I consider to be unfair.

Provide childcare for my sister's children so that she can work when they won't even have mine for half an hour so that I can go to a dr's appointment. They also have her DCs on her days off work so that she gets time to herself, and sometimes have them overnight too at weekens. They will rarely babysit for my DC at weekends, and if they do they then lay down conditions when they arrive to babysit, such as say DH and I can only go out for an hour and a half (when we're seeing a 2 hour film, for example), as they want to get an early night.

They buy clothes, shoes and other items all the time for my sister's DCs, and rarely anything for mine.

They give my sister money regularly and buy her household items (appliances, sofa, bed) yet never buy us anything.

They aren't bothered if I'm ever unwell. I was very unwell last summer and they refused to help me in any way. My sister only has to have a cold and they are at her house, looking after her DCs and doing her housework.

When we all meet up they totally blank my children and fuss over my niece and nephew. What's more, they expect DH and I to fuss over them too, and get stroppy when we won't help my sister and her DH carry their bags, or won't take my niece to the loo as my sister is eating.

AIBU to think they treat me and my family unfairly?

If it were me...
I would sit them down and say don't speak, don't speak at all. I will talk and then I will leave. I cannot make you think about or consider what I have said, but I hope you do.
You are my parents. You are the parents of my sister but to me I feel like less of your daughter than her and these are the reasons why...
I would even get my sister to be there.

I think they have behaved awfully and I cannot comprehend how you could treat your children and grandchildren so differently.

So, sorry parents, I DO know when to keep my mouth shut and now is NOT one of those times.

Best wishes x

I know the op has flounced and gone off in a huff but Id love to hear both sides to this story, cos the one in my head isnt laying the blame 100% at her parents door.....

OP my parents are the same. My sister can afford to work and have two children because my parents do a lot of childcare for her. I live further away, it's true, but they markedly favour my sister and her children, to a point where others outside the family notice. I have one child, no childcare (DH and I share childcare as we can't afford paid childcare and have no break, not even the odd evening out) - I'm permanently exhausted and ill because of it and certainly can't afford another. I wouldn't mind as much if my parents acknowledged that my sister gets a lucky deal to have all get childcare done by them, to be driven about by them, made meals several times a week, bought stuff all the time - but they refuse to acknowledge it :( Ignore the snipy posters, yes it is annoying if you can't afford paid childcare but one sibling gets GP help and the other doesn't.

TBH it's not even the childcare etc that upsets me, it's that they are completely wrapped up in my sister's family life and her DC, and only make the effort to see my little girl a coupl of times a year. They are constantly texting and phoning my sister and dropping round to see her/drive her places - I mean every day, several times a day - but my dad, for example, will go months without replying to one of my texts or a phoyo of my DD, or asking how my DD is. :(

DD is only little and not yet aware, but soon she is going to start noticing the differential treatment and it upsets me. My parents refuse to acknowledge that DSis is treated very differently and gt shouty and defensive when I raise this. But it is really obvious, even if they are unable to recognise it - to the extent that when we were last there they made a point of making my DD, who is the youngest of all, always wait to be served meals until after DSis's children :(

I think the childcare thing is a red herring too. It sounds like it's to do with unequal treatment and favourites/scapegoating. This sort of thing is deeply hurtful.

However as this is AIBU people have picked up on the childcare thing and run with it, making all sorts of unpleasant assumptions. If I posted about something very personal that upset me and got sneered at I wouldn't hang around for a character assassination either.

Wow there are some real bitches out on this thread!!

Op in case you return if only to read;

Your parents sound evil!! I have issues with mine and treating my dsis and I differently but no where near this extent.

Childcare is costly and out strips my earnings so I will not be able to work til dd starts school/free nursery and inhale no family help for childcare. I suspect this may also be the issue for you (not sure why people are asking about you having a degree as it's irrelevant) so maybe your could go back once your kids are older or find something you could do from home maybe?

I would cut contact with your parents, let them come to you as and when they decide to be fair on you both!

Do those out there whose.parents,favour siblings, ever wonder why they do? (beyond blaming parents?)

There could be a variety of reasons. Becoming a parent doesn't automatically make someone a 'good' person if they weren't before.

I don't know how it feels (for which I'm eternally grateful) as my mum never behaved like this but I know of situations where it has happened and it causes so much hurt, you can't imagine.

Inferring that there must be something wrong with the child who is on the wrong side of blatant favouritism is really nasty and I don't understand why people do it.

Sorry op, thats really hurtful. Cut ties. I did and dont regret it. Vile

Some of these pists are just twisting what op said. Kick a person while their down.

arethereany wow you are a real charmer aren't you!

That's interesting Precious, mine hates me because I look like her! She adored my sister who was always compared to my dad, and loathed me as she hated me be ause I reminded her of her at the same time as being weirdly jealous of me and stopping me have a relationship with my father - she is a nasty piece of work.

Well, I wouldn't feel obliged to care for them in their old age if I were you. Keep a journal of it.