to want to accept amazing job opportunity without being judged for "deserting" my three children.

[Shreddiez]

I have three children aged 8, 5 and 1. I have always worked a 3 or 4 day week since having them. DH works full time and travels quite a bit. We have no family help but we do have a live-in nanny.

I have been offered an amazing job. An opportunity like this will never come-up again: fascinating work, good money, chance to make a real difference.

The new job would mean a lot of travel and when home I'd hardly see the kids Mon-Thurs, by hardly I mean maybe 20 mins in the morn. But I'd usually be home all day Fridays and I would get nine whole weeks leave a year that I could take over school holidays.

I intend to accept the job but am shocked by people's reactions. A friend referred to me deserting my kids, my MiL (who NEVER helps with the kids) keeps making veiled references to how sad it all is, even the nanny keeps joking how the one year old will think she is the mother.

Is it normal to suffer such passive aggression for wanting to work? Is it so bad to be out of the house 4 days out of 7 if you know you can be fully present and involved for the other three days? Doesn't nine weeks leave actual mean I will see the kids as much as someone who works three days if averaged over a year? And why do I have to justify this? Why can't people celebrate my efforts to do well at work and at motherhood? I feel so judged and its making me second guess myself and my choices.

Also as previous posters have said, if you hate it, leave. Much better than never giving it a go

Take the job the kids will be proud to have a happy mum no brainer.
Congratulations! !!!!

I have a k

Jaded Angel, you do realise that a huge amount of families from separated parents live like this quite happily? (Either with mum or dad) Or is that different somehow?

I have a job that is demanding both in terms of hours and travel. I love it - I don't earn enough to find a nanny and get lots of help from my mum and husband. My friends all think I am mad and are never done telling me I look tired. I was away last week for 5 days which coincided with my elder daughter having a bit of a naughty patch - nursery told me it was because I was away(!) but, I love my job, my husband is supportive and it is my life. I am mum, but I am also a woman with career. Go for it - if you don't you will always wonder. And, I would never dream of commenting on my friends career decisions to stay at home or work part-time, but if you choose to work full-time you are public property (grrrr)

When I get caught up in guilt about work, I always ask myself "would I even be debating this if I was a man?"

If the answer is no, there is no discussion for me.

Op, congratulations on the opportunity, don't let it pass you buy because of guilt created by societal constructs.

I wouldn't count 1 night a month as a lot of the time, I know my DSS are left with grandparents at least that much, (although that's more to do with social events rather than work).

Not very professional of the nanny to say that to you.

Go for it. Keep those 9 weeks to enjoy with them.

Personally I'm very proud of my career girl mum. I don't remember thinking anyone else was my mum.

It's not passive aggressive to have an opinion on an unusual situation. I doubt that you know anyone else working this type of role with children ofsimilar ages?

You have chosen your dream job over your family, you haven't mentioned once that you need the money? 20 minutes in the morning? For a baby? First steps? Speech? 3/4 days away? I hope that you try this out and decide that it's not for you.

This amazing job, or similar will never ever ever come up again? Really?

JadedAngel

I agree with you too, but unfortunately its not how people think today.
They have the kids and continue with life much as it was because they have the chance to. It doesn't make it right, just because others live like this. They don't see it as wrong, obviously or they wouldn't do it.
We all have to do what we think is right at the end of the day.

Guilt serves a purpose sometimes.

Never ceases to amaze me how people stick their oar in.

OP do what is right for you and your family, stuff anyone else's opinion.

Congratulations. This sounds like a brilliant opportunity and you've thought it through. Go for it and ignore the negativity.

Sylvanian

I'm going to pinch that one.

financialwizard

Internet forum, asking for comments?
Are we only allowed to post if we agree?

As long as you and your family are happy and all agree, as long as you have a nanny you trust who is being recompensed for the extra responsibility, mostly as long as your children are happy, then try it, go for it. No one knows your family but you, no one should judge you.

I personally could not leave a one year old as every day with them is such a precious new experience. I am in the incredibly happy position to look after my year old grandson for a couple of days each week. Every day we have together he does something new, learns something different, every day we have different new experiences together that are so precious. If I don't see him for a couple of days myself then when I see him again he has grown and learnt some more. So I just don't think, as a mother, I could regularly go for a few days without spending time with my child, not at that age. The child may well be completely happy without me, but it is probably my failings (and insecurities) that I could not bare to be away from them!

Good luck with your new job and all those wonderful long holidays you will have together.

Go for it! Live your own life.

Keep the nanny or replace with another. Sod the kids, they'll manage somehow and who cares if they regard the nanny as their person of trust, mum, whatever. Don't let the kids rule your life, men are not put off by these considerations so why should you? Put yourself first and let the rest sort themselves. Plus you will probably have to work really hard so don't feel obliged to spend the full nine weeks holidays with your kids, give yourself a break.

Wow, that's so...hilarious. And cutting.

Jaded, who on earth is accepting a job "just because a man would"? That is definitely not my motivation.

I am accepting the job because it is interesting, because it will make a difference, because I will enjoy it, because it's well paid, because it will set a good example for my children, because it will allow me to spend 42% of the days of the year at home with the children (good stat hey?), it will allow me to feel I have a balanced life and thus be more present for the children on those 42% of days and finally because I think they will be happy and secure with DH or the nanny when I am away - just like I was when my mother worked full time.

Gosh, the professional SAHMs seem very upset.

Are they so very worried that a woman might work and raise DC every bit as happy and stable as their own?

The reality is people can have wonderful and interesting careers and raise fab DC.

My DC travels with work. Yet he is a wonderful father, and we have fabulous kids (he's out tonight at the match with DS. Directors box, doncha know)...

You just need to use your imagination to see that every familyt doesn't need to operate in exactly the same way to be happy. I know hundreds of families, living all manner of different ways, and for the most part the DC are thriving. The ones that aren't, come from a mixture of backgroynds including some with SAHMs.

do it OP and good luck

people will always find something to judge - learn to block them out x