To expect DH to lay off the hockey tournaments for JUST ONE YEAR

[Suebedo]

My DH plays at 3 weekend-long hockey tournaments per year. One in our town, one 30 miles away and one over an hour away on the August bank holiday weekend. I've always been fine with the first 2 and put up with the last one because I get the 'you know how important hockey is to me and I won't be able to do this forever' line.
Our DS is 6 months old and is going through a very demanding stage (will rarely play alone for long and has to do everything standing up. Which of course he can't do alone). DH wants to go to his cousin's stag do, which is fair enough, but still expects to go to both the away hockey things. AIBU to expect him to give the blasted things a miss for just this year? Or only do a day? Given that we now have a child. He's EBF and I don't want to leave him with anyone else overnight yet, so could not go with. DH works hard and needs his down time, I appreciate that, but it's likely next year we can all go together and him being away means no rest for me all week.

If it's only 3 weekends a year YABU sorry. If it was every weekend I would agree with you but it's like what, once every 4 months? Your DS will be on solids soon and it will be much easier to leave him. I'm sorry but your post makes you sound a bit martyr-ish with the whole "I don't wanna leave him" thing. If you don't want to leave him then fine, but don't force your partner to do the same.

3 weekends in the whole year.
YABU.

YANBU. It's one year.

3 weekends a year, sorry YABU.

YANBU to ask him - he may not have considered how much this will impact on you - but YABU to insist. I always go and stay with my parents when my husband is away as I find a weekend of my son being doted on gives me a break and means that we both come back feeling a bit more refreshed.

YABU. Come August you might be able to leave the baby a bit more so you could book yourself a day "off" to do something you enjoy.

Does he have to stay overnight for all of them? Is there not an option to come home, 30 miles isn't that far.

YABU. I think, if it really means a lot to him, he should go, 3 weekends out of 52 isn't much. Maybe he could take a day or two off work the week before or after to givey you a break for a day? Or maybe some family could? Also, your DS will be able to stand up (holding on to things) by himself before too long which might (haha) make things a little easier. Maybe your DH could do 3 weekends worth of looking after your DS single handedly over the year (even if that means you pop back to to BF at various times and stay with them overnight) - you could still go to the cinema, read, chill, spa day or something, long walks... I think I'd look into the compromise route so you can both be happy rather than risk him feeling resentful for the sake of what is a relatively small amount of time.

I think he should go. It's only 3 weekends a year - I opened your post thinking it was every weekend or something. I get that you can't leave your child at the moment because he's EBF and so it feels unfair that he can, but it will be a relatively short time that things are that way. Why don't you plan ahead for some lovely weekends away with friends next summer whilst he looks after your little one.

YABU.

From the fact you were reluctant about the August one even before you had a child, you sound needy and clingy.

sorry - another YABU 3 weekends a year is nothing really - that's 49 where he is home with you both

I can't understand why you can't go with your DH ,also August is way off and your DS will be very different by then .

Yabvu. Family free time & having your own hobbies are so important, moreso when you have kids. 'Let' him go an dont hold it against him.

I also think three weekends in a year isn't much. And they are actually all quite near your home. Even an hour away.

I'd let him go happily. It won't be very long until you will be able to have some weekends off yourself.

Yabu it's 3 out of a whole year.

YABU.

3 weekends a year isn't much.

Sorry YABU. It's three weekends out of 52!

My DH works weekends so I do understand wanting a break but really, even if it was 6 weekends it would only work out to one every other month which is not excessive. You could plan to take baby away to stay with a friend, visit grandparents etc that weekend. It's important to be kind to each other - we have struggled with that a lot in the baby years.

Thank you for the different perspective everyone. Duly noted. I wouldn't want to go with him as hockey and drinking games are not my thing. He does contract jobs, so time off means no pay.
Famzilla- I don't think I'm being martyr-ish by not wanting to leave DS. I'll probably move heaven and earth to have a free night if we have another DC but currently I'd just worry too much.
Parakeet- not needy and clingy; wanting to use the long weekend for going walking together. You can do so much more with 3 days.

Not an issue for me either as long as you can also have 3 weekends away on your own whilst he looks after your ds. Mate be nit now as he is EBF but in a few months when he is on solids and more able to cope wo you.

Why not arrange to go walking with someone else, or schedule it on any of the other bank holiday weekends?

And YY to the fact that your baby will be come telly different in 3~4 months time.

Hockey wife here. You have my sympathies. Is it just the 3 tournaments or is it (as it was for us) a match every Saturday lasting anywhere from 3 to 7 hrs when you include travel time plus practices, socials etc. He now coaches on a Sunday too but the DCs are older so it's much more manageable and even occasionally enjoyable.

If it's just the tournaments then yab a bit u. If it's all the other stuff then I've been there with small children and it's really hard. We had a discussion argument at the beginning of every season to work out a compromise but it was a real struggle for us both.

If it helps our eldest is now old enough to go to coaching with DH and it's lovely to see them sharing sport together. Something I never did growing up. And the hockey community is (in my limited experience) full of really good people. Several of our closest friends are hockey players so in the long run it is worth it!

This wouldn't be a problem for me either so long as I got the chance for a few weekends away as well.

I am a hockey player, although there are no weekend tournaments for me. However, my DH is involved with a sport that involves 10 weekends away a year. We all go with him now though.

Hairylittlegoblin- it's Saturday matches too. Although he has been playing home games only since DS was born. Means he drops down a level and/but gets to play every week.