To expect DH to lay off the hockey tournaments for JUST ONE YEAR

[Suebedo]

My DH plays at 3 weekend-long hockey tournaments per year. One in our town, one 30 miles away and one over an hour away on the August bank holiday weekend. I've always been fine with the first 2 and put up with the last one because I get the 'you know how important hockey is to me and I won't be able to do this forever' line.
Our DS is 6 months old and is going through a very demanding stage (will rarely play alone for long and has to do everything standing up. Which of course he can't do alone). DH wants to go to his cousin's stag do, which is fair enough, but still expects to go to both the away hockey things. AIBU to expect him to give the blasted things a miss for just this year? Or only do a day? Given that we now have a child. He's EBF and I don't want to leave him with anyone else overnight yet, so could not go with. DH works hard and needs his down time, I appreciate that, but it's likely next year we can all go together and him being away means no rest for me all week.

Having participated in many summer hockey 'tournaments over the years, I think YANBU. it is not about supporting his hobby, if he wqs in it for the sporting side he would join a club and play summer league, very different. Hockey tour is about how much beer you can drink before you throw up and start again (glamorous). I know very few people, if any, who attend for any other reason. Maybe he could pick just one for this year? Or you could compromise on he goes to the two near home but doesn't camp/stay over? Priorities have to change. He can always go another year when dc is a bit older. I have been on tour with a team which included 2 players in their 60s so the argument he might not have long left is null and void! Suggest a family weekend away somewhere instead?

Even if he did take sport seriously when OP met him, surely things change when children come along? Unless he's a really serious athlete who is making money out of the sport (and therefore wouldn't be drinking) or playing at national level then surely this is just a hobby.

I'm asking this genuinely as a naive 40 something woman with no kids, who does a lot of sport. I would expect to spend long weekends with my partner (if i had one) never mind what I was training for.

I never see any blokes on here saying that their partner keeps disappearing off on running weekends/triathlon training/hockey piss ups, leaving them holding the baby and family together, although i will rejoice on the day that I do.

I'll have to get my DH on here for you Kaizen , I also leave him holding the baby (although they are no longer babies) while I have to work abroad for a week or two once or twice a year.

The difference is, I guess, that he doesn't mind and in fact encourages me.

That's not a dig at the OP btw, and since thinking things over, I have decided that OP's DH is BU for going away for all 3 bank holiday weekends. Although, like I said in my first post, my DH goes away for 10 weekends a year for sport, so we have bought a campervan and now we all go. It's totally not my idea of brilliant fun but I do appreciate being away from the housework and getting a chance to chill out in the van.

But Xmas having to go away for work is a bit different. This is just a hobby, as Kaizen points out he's not in the National squad or anything (that we know of). And when DC is older you're right, it might be fun to all go. But when DC is 6 months and EBF, as most of us know, even leaving the house is bloody difficult at times! He needs to be way more supportive. I also agree with Kaizen that it's a pretty flipping sexist situation, that women seem to find themselves in a lot on these threads - for the man, the baby is a sort of 'dip in and out' type deal, they can carry on doing stuff they always did as as long as they don't bugger about too much, they're seen as a good Dad, whereas the woman is the one who has all the extra commitment. It should all be completely equal. You're both parents. You're both as responsible for the DC as the other. Sheesh.

The thing is too that we only know that the OP is finding this period very hard work.
She might feel isolated and have little adult contact during the day. Her DH going away isn't going to help that.

What I am about us the fact hat so many women think it's ok for the DH to go away as he pleases, leaving his DW behind even though she is asking for support AT THIS TIME in a period that she finds very hard work. What happens to mutual support of your partner?

Actually OP I think YANBU. I'm a hockey player (and captain). (And my club doesn't allow people just to play home games, though some play only occasionally due to work).

Presumably he also trains 1-3 nights a week too? Even home games take a while with warm ups and teas. My away games sometimes take upwards of 8 hours and I don't even play National League.

I have a 2 year old and have given up touring and summer league as the winter season is hard enough on family life. I also have to travel with work (and DH travels unpredictably and extensively with work), so that complicates life anyway.

I don't think you're unreasonable at all to ask him to miss some or all of the torus this year. He's probably anxious to prove to his squad that he is still the same fun guy who is free to tour. What it actually means is that he will miss three holiday weekends and will be suffering and probably hungover for days afterwards too.