To think cats are not pets, more fluffy forms of torture.

[Tiggywinklespinny]

4.15am every bloody morning for the last week..she's taking the piss. It's survival of the fittest, who can crack first. She repeatedly paws at the things on my bedside table until they fall on the floor, pulls the lamp cord and walks all over you purring.

I have made the mistake of opening one eye to find myself being eyeballed and it's game over. Tiggy 0 bastard cat 1

Cats are jerks.

Mine insists on climbing over my head when I am sleeping to sit on the windowsill above.

There are many many windowsills in my house. But no. It has to be that one.

But tiggy you should be honoured that she treats you so.

I love kitties. I've since learned they need lots and lots of exercise (playing) and they will let you sleep at night .

My three wake me by purring in my ear from about 5.30 onwards.
A cat either side of me and one on my hip eyeballing me. Love em

This is why mine are shut in the kitchen at night!

The few times I've relented and let them roam ended up with them playing chase up and down the stairs at an ungodly hour.

OP Show some respect to your boss.

You might enjoy [http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/cattery-didnt-know-you-were-meant-to-keep-them-alive-2014042585986 this]]

Or this

Ah well OP, you have obviously stepped out of line somewhere. This is a recognised form of re-training by sending you slightly insane to remind you who is in control. Now get grovelling, learn from your silly mistakes and don't make your poor cat have to teach you these lessons again- it is very inconvenient for them you know.

Much as I treasure memories of my childhood DCat taking the centre of my bed and duvet and leaving me to sleep around the edge, this is precisely why our cats are shut in the kitchen at night (well, that and definite tendency to present people with "gifts" in the middle of the night)

Come to think of it, my parents were not dumb. Our cats were shut out! it was just that I had a flat roof outside my room, so the cats came in and out of my window, if I was insubordinate enough to close the window and try to ignore them! then DCat2 would 'twang' the lead on the window with her claw until I gave in.

My DC sleep in the attics - I would be seriously impressed if our cats can get up to their windows .

My cat hits me if I nap. She is a little fluffy ball of malevolence.

Oh dear, OP - you seem to be under the impression that your DCat should be concerned about your convenience!

As Nowthen said, it is a recognised form of retraining. I think you need to learn that your behaviour is unacceptable as far as your feline overlord is concerned and seek to modify it!

YoutheCat

Mine are banished to the utility room and outdoors at night. This morning DH was presented with a small but perfectly formed cat shit on the doormat.

My cat when I was a teenager used to sit next to me and very gently open my eye with her paw (one claw out just a tiny bit, for emphasis).

You know that thing you do at 10/11 o'clock at night? Come on in poorfluffycat, you don't want to be out in the cold all night do you it might rain daddy's going to bed...?
Don't, leave it outside.
That'll learn it

Haha OP, love it.

Recently I stayed in my DD's bedroom (she lives away now) because I had a bad cold and wanted to give my DH a chance to get some sleep from me coughing and sneezing .

What I didn't realise was that she would let her baby (Oscar) in through the bedroom window for cuddles at about 3am. When the little bugger realised that I was in his bedroom he started scratching at the window and yowling. He kept it up for AGES, boy has he got stamina. After a couple of nights of this I cracked and let him in. Then, after he'd purred and dribbled in my ear he scampered around room looking for bobbles to kill and plastic bags to lick. I kicked him out again and decided to return to my own bed, cold or no cold.

Later that day I chatted to DD on phone and mentioned how comfy her bed was but that there was a big problem. "Oh yes, OskeyPosky's little visits" she laughed. Grrrr.

My cat is nice enough to let sleeping humans lie and never deliberately wakes me up... though he has sometimes woken me 'accidentally' by stepping heavily on me as he tramples over me in an effort to slurp from the water glass on my bedside table. The water in his own bowl being totally inferior stuff of course.

Mostly I just wake up with this feeling of being watched, and there he is looming over me with a vaguely malignant look on his face. Quite disconcerting really, and difficult to go back to sleep again with him sat there staring.

Dear, dear, some humans are so slow on the uptake! Almost as if we think we have some say in the matter.

I ignore this. DH doesn't.

I get far more sleep...

Mine aren't bad - I close my door and they wake the kids up instead

My 2 are a nightmare.

If I shut the bedroom door, they scratch up the carpet instead.

One of mine has realised that my bedroom door is really creaky - he sits opening and closing the door from around 5am until one of us cracks and feeds him.

If you manage to sleep through that racket he moves on to licking your eyelids and biting the ends of your fingers.

Mine sticks his wet nose against my face and then prods me with his paw repeatedly until I get up. This is at 4:30am. I do prefer to shut him up in the kitchen/living room at night but sometimes I don't.

Oh I remember sleeping round the cat! I got a double bed at the age of 11 because of her (and a few tears!)

We keep ours out of the bedrooms at night, but he'll often wake us in the wee small hours, singing the song of his people.

Cats would totally eat your brains and face if you died in the night.