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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Builders' sexual harassment?

228 replies

TrueToYou · 28/04/2014 13:11

I work for local council. My office base is in the library which is undergoing a massive facelift.
As I left the building, 3 Builders (private firm undertaking the work) were standing facing the entrance. As I passed, one said "three ways".
They all laughed long and hard. I didn't look up, just ignored and moved on, but the more I think about it, the angrier I am becoming.
I see the comment as them deciding how they would share me between them. I don't think there is any doubt about that, as the long hard raucous laughter confirmed it.
Now. What to do? I'm annoyed I reacted by fiddling with my id badge, head down, hurrying on, but I guess I knew immediately a confrontation would just lead to 3 against 1 denial and gas lighting.
I'm considering making a complaint, but do not have any idea what these guys look like, other than that they were the firm's hi vis jackets.
Wwyd?

OP posts:
LokiDokey · 28/04/2014 17:59

Spatch
I NEVER said OP could have imagined it at all. Please do quote where I said that. I believe I said she didn't know for certain it was directed at her, though it probably was.

I NEVER said nobody would believe her either, again please do quote where I said that. What I actually said (if perhaps you'd like to re read my posts rather than putting words into my mouth) was that if she went to the builders bosses at this stage they will probably deny it.

You really do have a knack for telling a tale though Wink

LokiDokey · 28/04/2014 18:00

Yes, I'm minimising, believe what you will dear.
[rolleyes]

Ronmione · 28/04/2014 18:05

It's a horrible thing to have said to you, the comment was meant to intimidate you.

Please report them

mrstigs · 28/04/2014 18:14

I would report them. Then it would be on record even if the worst happens and they bluster their way out of it. Which means that they will either keep their mouths shut from now on for fear of not getting away with it again or do it again and get sacked for sure - no manager will risk losing contracts to protect idiots like that.
Hope you are ok OP.

IceBeing · 28/04/2014 18:15

This isn't a court of law...the OP doesn't need 'evidence'. The preferred outcome here is that the contractors have a word will all their employees regarding the required level of respect and that noone else gets anything said to them.

Gwlondon · 28/04/2014 18:18

I also thought what Ronmione said. I think report them. They will probably say stuff to women all day long until they get pulled up on it.

Gwlondon · 28/04/2014 18:23

Also don't worry that you don't know what they look like. That is someone else's problem to figure out. They said something very nasty. I am very sorry.

limitedperiodonly · 28/04/2014 18:30

Two things spring to mind.

I was once walking down a street and heard such a hullabulloo I thought I'd find a road accident at the top of it.

As I got closer, I realised it was some scaffolders six storeys up who were yelling vile things at me. Just a person minding her own business.

Fucking animals.

I find scaffolders the worst because they're in and out in a matter of hours and therefore think they are untouchable. And being way up there while your victim is an ant on the pavement probably has a lot to do with it too.

Anyway, the site actually had a local authority Considerate Builders' Scheme and a phone line to call. So I took a note of it and called when I got to work.

The woman who took my call said she'd go down. She called me back later. She was catcalled as she approached. When she asked someone for the site foreman, the person she spoke to said he could handle her 'hur, hur'.

She then said: 'I'm from X Council and I think you'll be looking for another job tomorrow.'

The other one is someone contracted to a blue chip company spitting at my feet. It was a deliberate act of contempt that I had done absolutely nothing to deserve apart from being a woman who looked happy and in possession of nice things.

When I challenged him, he and his workmate laughed.

I committed a whole day to losing them their jobs.

I actually lost money because I'm self employed and I put work on the back burner because I am that determined/

I rose further and further up the chain as I dealt with people like loki who think it's a bit of fun or a misunderstanding or I was just being a bit precious and maybe he didn't understand it, not that you sound like the kind of lady who complains, but erm, you know, er, he's got rent to pay and er what do you want me to do, lady?

I want you to fucking sack him and take on someone else.

He spat at my feet because he's an inadequate wanker and thought I'd just take it.

Well, I'm not going to.

Ploppy16 · 28/04/2014 18:39

Report them but before you do ask around and see if anybody else has heard the builders say anything or felt like they've been intimidated by them. All evidence is good and can only serve to back you up. Thanks for you! it's a horrible feeling.
The last time it happened to me I was walking up to school past our local sports club. The builders working there were following women on their own a few feet and barking in their ears, then walking away laughing. One did it to me and I whipped out my phone. He asked me who I was going to call and I said 'the club secretary'.... Mr Secretary happened at the time to be my DH...
The company was off site permanently within an hour. This was a small firm, not a large contractor. It can be done x

EBearhug · 28/04/2014 18:39

I don't think Loki thought it was a bit of fun or a misunderstanding - I think she was checking if there were any other way it could be interpreted. If I were to report such things at work, that would probably be the first question asked.

In this case, I don't think there was an innocent explanation, but it's not unreasonable to ask the question.

DocDaneeka · 28/04/2014 18:50

I was going to mention calling considerate contractors too.

Those of us working in the industry hate this sort of casual sexism. It tarnishes us all and contributes to the woefully low numbers of young women entering the profession. Young women we desperately need because there is a serious skills shortage.

I have worked on construction sites for most of my career in both labouring and professional roles and would have no hesitation in reporting any unacceptable behaviour. (I'm female but not that it matters)

If those chaps were on one of my sites the MD of their company would be having a very uncomfortable chat by now. And the chaps themselves would be off site permanently.

crispyporkbelly · 28/04/2014 19:26

Well done, limited. arseholes

DownstairsMixUp · 28/04/2014 19:39

I find it depressing that someone on this thread wants more evidence. What evidence do you want? Should she go back and walk past slowly and have her phone on standby to record? The OP felt uncomfortable and has said she feels the comment was aimed at her. That's enough to report for. I have had comments from builders and wish I'd reported. The worst was when I was pushing my 4 month old ds and buildes started calling out milf and whistling at me. I hurried along with the pram and ignored but wish I'd reported it now.

limitedperiodonly · 28/04/2014 19:54

eBearHug How can what the OP described be misinterpreted?

And Loki, I have family in the construction industry too.

He takes a very dim view of workers doing this. He might have done it in the '80s. He wouldn't do it any more.

Mainly it's because he doesn't want to lose a contract. But also because he accepts now that intimidating people is a bit fucking shitty.

We live and learn, don't we? But apparently you and your friends haven't.

Never mind. You will.

specialsubject · 28/04/2014 20:05

I think most females know what it used to be like to have to pass a building site. It has got better (and let's face it, I'm now older and so am invisible, not that I care) but the fact that this is still a problem in 2014 is staggering.

report to the firm, OP. Time that this was stamped out for good.

smellysammy · 28/04/2014 20:20

elfycat

you were verbally assaulted on work premises

please tell me you're joking

TrueToYou · 28/04/2014 20:23

I'm at a gig tonight so will read responses later.
To those who think I should report them, can you help me word my complaint?
Tia

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 28/04/2014 20:34

Just call the switchboard at the council and say you have a complaint about a construction site and take it from there.

In my area it is as easy as that.

elfycat · 28/04/2014 23:18

How was I joking?

Maybe verbal sexual harassment might be better but the definition of verbal assault hinges around causing apprehension. OK maybe the OP didn't feel physically threatened but I bet it caused apprehension.

Nomama · 29/04/2014 14:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/04/2014 14:41

Well the majority of responses on this thread says that you're WRONG Nomama. I didn't have witnesses on any occasion and managed to get action. Your assertion that this is the wrong way about it doesn't make anybody's decision to act immediately any less valid.

I'm personally a bit queasy at the suggestion that you think a woman needs a witness. There used to be such suggestions about rape too. Thank goodness there are more enlightened men and women now. I'm not exactly sure who the Neanderthals are here either.

Please stop telling the OP that they need evidence, they don't.

neiljames77 · 29/04/2014 15:03

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe - Legally though, Nomana does have a point. If these builders were dismissed on the strength of what the op says, they'd be able to take their employer for unfair dismissal and also sue for defamation of character. And they'd win.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/04/2014 15:10

That's for their employer to sort out, not the complainant. OP has the right to make a complaint whether there are witnesses or not.

neiljames77 · 29/04/2014 15:18

I agree. She should tell her employer. I doubt their employer would take any action though because of the legal ramifications if they did. The whole point is surely, to get the perpetrators disciplined/dismissed.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/04/2014 15:25

I can only speak of my own experiences, neiljames (and there are many related to this). Each time it's happened I've gone to the foreman. Sometimes that was enough. When it wasn't, I've contacted the contractor directly. It seems quite common practice to replace individuals or even teams and maybe that's as a result of other complaints I didn't know about. Anyway, I've never had witnesses except to one actual assault, which was witnessed by a passing police officer in a car.

Tolerance for this is zero so it would behove those working on sites to remember that. I've never had a complaint ignored and whatever action the contractor takes, they do take this seriously now and even as long as ten/fifteen years ago.

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