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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Builders' sexual harassment?

228 replies

TrueToYou · 28/04/2014 13:11

I work for local council. My office base is in the library which is undergoing a massive facelift.
As I left the building, 3 Builders (private firm undertaking the work) were standing facing the entrance. As I passed, one said "three ways".
They all laughed long and hard. I didn't look up, just ignored and moved on, but the more I think about it, the angrier I am becoming.
I see the comment as them deciding how they would share me between them. I don't think there is any doubt about that, as the long hard raucous laughter confirmed it.
Now. What to do? I'm annoyed I reacted by fiddling with my id badge, head down, hurrying on, but I guess I knew immediately a confrontation would just lead to 3 against 1 denial and gas lighting.
I'm considering making a complaint, but do not have any idea what these guys look like, other than that they were the firm's hi vis jackets.
Wwyd?

OP posts:
Goodadvice1980 · 28/04/2014 14:44

Sorry to hear you were intimidated by these workers.

I had an incident recently, which I would appreciate MNetters thoughts on. Visited a well known chain restaurant and had the chef/kitchen staff wolf whistle at me (it was loud as well!) as I walked to the table. Would you have said anything or complained about this??

Nomama · 28/04/2014 14:46

Spatchcock, no one has said it was OK.

We are all certain it is not, not in the slightest bit!

Nor has anyone suggested OP is unreasonable to have felt uneasy. She isn't. Not in the slightest.

I, personally, wouldn't report unless I was 100% certain. Not because I am afraid to, but because I would not want to give such misogynistic bastards the opportunity to call my very sanity into doubt.

I would be more than happy to wait until they had nailed their own coffin shut.... In fact I would demand that every woman treated like this made diary entries and collected incontrovertible evidence and then nailed the bastards - fiercely!

Fortunately the construction industry is working hard to get rid of such idiots. But it wouldn't hurt if we were all a little more confident and only ever shouted wolf when we could absolutely prove it.... it leaves them absolutely no wriggle room. And I take great satisfaction from that thought!

Nomama · 28/04/2014 14:47

And goodadvice... I would have stopped, remonstrated with them and the duty manager and then walked out. Email to head office to follow.

Wolf whistles are absolutely zero tolerance incidents Smile

MeadowHeartshimmertheFairy · 28/04/2014 14:50

I work in construction too and would also second reporting to the site manager. No place for this sort of behaviour.

Also, check if the site is registered with the considerate constructors scheme (will have posters up if so). Can also phone them if the SM doesn't seem to interested.

spatchcock · 28/04/2014 14:57

OK sorry, I misread. But it sounds like you're minimising it. The OP felt uncomfortable and intimidated. She said the builders silently watched her approach. Sounds pretty clear cut to me? I think one instance is one too many and she shouldn't have to wait for other women to be harassed.

And not everyone feels confident enough to remonstrate with three builders on their own.

neiljames77 · 28/04/2014 15:00

I spent a lot of time in the building trade and it has changed dramatically in recent years. Some of our contracts were on universities and colleges. Everyone was briefed before starting work that any inappropriate remarks would spell instant dismissal.
If it's, as you say, a small private company, then they won't take it as seriously as the large contractors. It'll be their word against yours so it might be worth trying to find out if anyone else has been on the receiving end. If you can, the company will be off the council's contractors list.

LokiDokey · 28/04/2014 15:37

I'm also with Nomama it could have been anything. They could have been discussing how they were going to split their sandwiches.
I'd also make a note and leave it to see if anything else happens.

Amethyst24 · 28/04/2014 15:43

If they're doing it to the OP they'll be doing it to other women too. I would absolutely report - if it's an isolated incident/you were mistaken, chances are no action will be taken. But I think that's unlikely.

OnlyLovers · 28/04/2014 15:46

The OP says they were 'silently watching' her approach, which makes me doubt that she just happened to hear the end of a joke/conversation.

I think there's very good advice on here about reporting to HR and the building/contracting company themselves. If it was a misunderstanding they'll get to the bottom of it and everyone will move on. If it wasn't then it's one more small step towards eradicating unacceptable behaviour.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 28/04/2014 15:49

They were probably saying "How would you do her?"

I think a phone is a very useful tool in these circumstances; you don't need a name if you have a photo, and at the very least taking their photo will put the wind up them a bit.

fubbsy · 28/04/2014 15:52

I would not have confronted the builders either. I would report to my manager and HR department and raise it as a grievance that way.

Definitely worth reporting IMO. A public sector employer should have a bullying and harassment policy to deal with this kind of thing. Mine does.

icanmakeyouicecream · 28/04/2014 15:55

Please report this unacceptable behaviour. My OH would throw any employee off the job if they behaved like this. Shameful!

raffle · 28/04/2014 15:56

Gosh, that is really gross. Horrid language, poor you. Report them, the company should know who was working on which jobs and when. Fingers crossed you don't need to be near them again.

AmysTiara · 28/04/2014 15:57

They could have been discussing how they were going to split their sandwiches.

Seriously? Jesus wept Shock

Waltermittythesequel · 28/04/2014 16:02

Report.

And punch in the face anyone who minimises it as 'just a joke' or 'lads being lads'.

ICanSeeTheSun · 28/04/2014 16:04

I come from a family of builders, not once has my father or brothers done this.

My father in the past have laid off men because of this. I can remember before my brother started the night before telling him not to do it.

Waltermittythesequel · 28/04/2014 16:07

I can remember before my brother started the night before telling him not to do it

Isn't it awful that your dad even had to do that?!

We need more people like him in the trade!

spatchcock · 28/04/2014 16:09

AmysTiara I was also agog at that one!

keithchegwinsface · 28/04/2014 16:14

They could have been discussing how they were going to split their sandwiches.

Are you serious? Three grown men discussing how they were going to split their sandwiches and then laughing uproariously as the OP walked by? And this was prefaced by silence.

If this is your best example of what they could've been talking about LokiDokey I would like to see the others you can think of just for the comedy value.

OP report report report. Totally unacceptable.

LokiDokey · 28/04/2014 16:20

Oh dear keith it went right over your head didn't it?

They could have been discussing anything the sandwich comment was lighthearted. Three ways could have been referring to the job they were doing for all anyone knows and how materials were to be split. And yes, they could have been laughing at the 'three way' comment but you can't be certain it was directed at OP.

keithchegwinsface · 28/04/2014 16:26

I think you are being very silly.

keithchegwinsface · 28/04/2014 16:28

Oops, posted accidentally. Do you think the OP is imagining this? Most of us don't go around waiting for men to harass us and misconstruing every situation. The OP was there and felt intimidated. If the builders really were discussing something else (highly unlikely) don't you think nice, sensible men would've finished the conversation after the OP passed instead of saying 'three ways' and laughing very loudly?

LokiDokey · 28/04/2014 16:35

Well keith you think what you like, it's an open forum Wink

Did I say the OP was imagining it? Nope, don't think I did. I said they could have been discussing something entirely different, said 'Three Way' realised its connotation and laughed. For all any of us know they may not have even realised the OP was there until it was too late.

Had OP said "and they stared at me knowingly, said 'three way' and laughed" then I might have been inclined to agree, but the fact is she caught two words which may or may not have even been directed at her.

As Nomama says, by all means make a note of it, build evidence. If it happens again write it down and then take it to their bosses. But at present she has nothing to go on and it will be denied.

OnlyLovers · 28/04/2014 16:38

Loki, I've already said this, but the OP says they were 'silently watching' her approach and then said 'Three ways' as she passed.

Doesn't sound much like she just happened to hear the end of a joke/conversation.

keithchegwinsface · 28/04/2014 16:43

OnlyLovers that has been repeated several times, I'm guessing Loki thinks they were telling a joke telepathically.