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Original poster

Builders' sexual harassment?

228 replies

TrueToYou · 28/04/2014 13:11

I work for local council. My office base is in the library which is undergoing a massive facelift.
As I left the building, 3 Builders (private firm undertaking the work) were standing facing the entrance. As I passed, one said "three ways".
They all laughed long and hard. I didn't look up, just ignored and moved on, but the more I think about it, the angrier I am becoming.
I see the comment as them deciding how they would share me between them. I don't think there is any doubt about that, as the long hard raucous laughter confirmed it.
Now. What to do? I'm annoyed I reacted by fiddling with my id badge, head down, hurrying on, but I guess I knew immediately a confrontation would just lead to 3 against 1 denial and gas lighting.
I'm considering making a complaint, but do not have any idea what these guys look like, other than that they were the firm's hi vis jackets.
Wwyd?

OP posts:
LokiDokey · 28/04/2014 16:45

only at the end of the day she has two words which may or may not mean something.
She could go to their bosses, have them hauled up and they will deny it, hell they might even say they were splitting their lunch (sidenote, that was a joke keith & Amy, ok?) or, she could bide her time actually gather some evidence and go to them with a strong case.

I'm not saying brush this under the carpet at all, if they were talking about her then they need to be reprimanded for it, but she needs to be careful how she plays it.

LokiDokey · 28/04/2014 16:47

I'm guessing Loki thinks they were telling a joke telepathically.

I think you are being very silly
Wink

keithchegwinsface · 28/04/2014 16:49

I am being silly because I'm not sure what else to do in the face of such ridiculousness. It's so depressing that you are automatically making nebulous excuses for people who dole out this kind of shit, instead of believing the person who was actually there.

keithchegwinsface · 28/04/2014 16:50

(insert passive-aggressive winky emoticon)

crispyporkbelly · 28/04/2014 16:54

Pissed myself at 'sandwich splitting'

They were suggesting a foursome

LokiDokey · 28/04/2014 16:57

It's depressing that so many of you want the OP to run off to the bosses with so little evidence.

What do you think will happen on the basis of 2 words? Probably very little, and I suspect if the builders are sexist and misogynistic they will probably convince the bosses that OP is a little hysterical. OP already states confrontation then would have led to a 3 against 1 denial and gaslighting so why think bringing it up with management at this stage will be any different?

Now what do you think will happen if OP goes to the bosses in a few days time? With evidence written down? With times, dates, hell maybe even witnesses or other staff members who this has happened to? If these builders are that way inclined they aren't going to stop at OP are they? Do you think those builders will still be able to convince the boss they are dealing with an OTT hysterical woman? Probably not.

spatchcock · 28/04/2014 17:04

At my workplace I would be believed, definitely. No one would ever call me hysterical. And my bosses would hate to think that I had kept quiet and waited till other women were harassed. So I would still report.

Is the experience of other people that their own bosses would think their own employees are are 'hysterical' for making a claim like this? And would believe strangers over someone they know? I find that gobsmacking. I hope I never end up at a workplace like that.

LokiDokey · 28/04/2014 17:07

Spatch, I was talking about reporting it to their bosses, not hers.
By all means mention it to your own, but I wouldn't complain to theirs on that evidence alone.

Softly softly catchee monkey and all that.

spatchcock · 28/04/2014 17:10

I would definitely feel more comfortable reporting it to my bosses, after all, it would be my company that was employing them.

I think most people just know when they are the target of verbal/sexual harassment. I have been in plenty of situations where I could've misconstrued what was happening, but the context meant I didn't feel threatened. I really do think we should give the OP the benefit of the doubt here.

harriet247 · 28/04/2014 17:12

Its so so gross Angry report to the council, it not tolerated at all any more.
I had it today from some working across the road from thr soft play centre, whistling and ahouting fespite me pushing dd in her pram.
Ive emailed the company but not heard back yet.

Original poster
TrueToYou · 28/04/2014 17:13

LOKI
Had OP said "and they stared at me knowingly, said 'three way' and laughed" then I might have been inclined to agree, but the fact is she caught two words which may or may not have even been directed at her

I've no idea if they stared at me "knowingly".
I clocked them standing together, facing the entrance to the building I was leaving.
I didn't notice anything more about them as I had no interest in them.

I walked out and turned right, in front of them. Then one spoke, and they all laughed. REALLY LOUDLY, and for quite a while, like it was THE funniest joke it the WORLD.

Even if I complained that they DID look "knowingly" at me, I doubt it would make doubters think I had more of a case! I think I'd be asked to define "knowingly"!!
I'd STILL have "very little to go on and it could all be denied"

I've felt shit about this all afternoon, and am really happy to have support here. Thanks to all who have posted Thanks

I disagree that I "may be being a little bit OTT" about it by asking here "WWYD?"

OP posts:
Original poster
TrueToYou · 28/04/2014 17:14

Oooh, x-posted loads!

OP posts:
LokiDokey · 28/04/2014 17:15

The general consensus above was to report to the bosses of the workmen. I really do think at this stage thats poor advice for the reasons I noted above.

It probably was aimed at OP, sandwich joke aside, but at present she has nothing really to go on other than two words which could be (and will be) easily denied.

She'd be best going into work tomorrow saying to her boss 'look, I think they were talking about me but lets see how it plays out'. Perhaps have a quiet word with her colleagues and wait until they dig their own graves.

spatchcock · 28/04/2014 17:16

harriet that is horrible. I had this the other day while pushing DD in her pram, with baby DD in her sling. I am slow moving with the two of them and felt so vulnerable.

True glad you feel a bit better. I believe you, even if you didn't catch them 'staring knowingly'!

LokiDokey · 28/04/2014 17:18

true you misunderstand me. I personally am not saying you are at all OTT. I am saying that should you go to the builders bosses that may be how they will perceive you because its your word against the builders.

Please do have a word with your bosses and make them aware for now that there may be an issue but bide your time on it with making more formal complaints to their bosses.
Flowers

crispyporkbelly · 28/04/2014 17:24

When I was 15 pushing my nephew once, a builder said 'I wish you were my mummy' wtf Confused

Defo report.

Ronmione · 28/04/2014 17:26

In my opinion when he said three way he meant vaginal, anal and oral sex. They are scum, please complain of they are innocent and the comment was the tail end if a conversation ( which I don't) they will be able to communicate that.

If not then at least they have had their cards marked

Ronmione · 28/04/2014 17:27

*if

Original poster
TrueToYou · 28/04/2014 17:31

ron that's exactly how I interpreted it, and I am NOT twisted or dirty minded.
It's really made me feel sick today, thinking about them imagining using me like that.
Filthy fucking dogs.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/04/2014 17:41

Loki.. you're generalising. Not all building contractors are as disreputable as not to believe a complainant. I had experience of this at 19, went directly to the site foreman - it happened again and I contacted the company. I also went to my boss who contacted the company and there was silence when I walked past from then on. It was bliss. It shouldn't even have to be said.

You're negating what the OP is saying and cajoling her to 'play it safe'. Go away with your 'softly softly', it' quite sickening. Hmm

ICanSeeTheSun · 28/04/2014 17:42

I think I painted my brother in a bad light there.

He wouldn't have done it any way.

LokiDokey · 28/04/2014 17:45

lying You are just as entitled to your opinion as I am mine and I will not 'Go away'.

I know builders, I have family who work in the industry. Whilst it's massively improving there are still people like OP describes. It might well be that they react like your contractors did, in which case, brilliant. Or it might well be they they react as I said.

I'd much rather gather the evidence and be sure of something being done than go in there with two words and hope for the best. Hmm

limitedperiodonly · 28/04/2014 17:48

I cannot believe people are saying the OP ought to give them a second chance because she might have been mistaken.

She wasn't mistaken.

Report, OP to the contractor and to the company awarding the contract, who presumably is your own employer.

They will get chucked off that site so fast their feet won't touch. Their places will be taken by people who can behave themselves.

I'm amazed these idiots did it. But it'll be a valuable lesson to them.

As people in the industry on this thread have said, construction employers take a very dim view of this, especially on large contracts, such as the one that they're working on.

And that goes for: 'All right, darlin'' and wolf whistling too.

A 'Good morning' or 'hello' is about as much as I want to take from anyone in the street. I don't understand anyone who claims being measured brightens their day and I can't see why any man would want to do it on an indiscriminate basis.

spatchcock · 28/04/2014 17:51

Loki first you said the OP could've imagined the scenario and the builders could've been talking about a sandwich. Now you're saying that ok, it probably happened but no one will believe her - unless it happens again and again. This is why women often find it so difficult to report abuse. Once is enough. Other women do not need to go through this too. As I and others have said, companies DO take this seriously - yes, even one instance like this.

Right, I've got to tear myself away from MN now. Hope you're ok, OP.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/04/2014 17:55

Exactly spatchcock

Stay and argue, Loki but if you minimise what the OP has posted with tales of sandwiches and other improbable scenarios, you'll get called on it.