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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Family are piling pressure on. AIBU and a shit mum or is DS's early rising just 'one of those things'?

85 replies

TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 10:15

My DM, DP and DGM all seem to think DS waking between 5-6 is ridiculous.

I tried:

Putting him to bed at 8-9 for a week(his usual bedtime is about 6), which just made him extra tired and he still woke at 6ish

Changing what food he ate for tea and making sure he wasn't hungry (he's 3 so could tell me but it was worth a try).

Cut his daytime nap, which he now doesn't have and hasn't for 6 months.

I've used controlled crying since he was a little toddler, which means he sleeps through most nights but doesn't stop the early waking.

Mixing up the bedtime routine in several ways over several weeks to see what happened (nothing changes usually, though the longer I spend putting him to bed the stroppier he gets so he just gets a 20 min 'warning' then it's quiet time during those 20 mins to wind him down a bit and bedtime is very quick or he plays up).

He still gets about 11 hrs so I don't think he's actually sleep deprived. He's well behaved in the day and shows no obvious signs of being tired (until after half 5).

AIBU to think this is just how some toddlers are and that my DM, DGM and DP just have unrealistic expectations? Or am I missing something/doing it wrong?

OP posts:

Original poster

TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 10:17

(DP is very supportive but DS isn't his, so he never witnessed the horror or newborn-sleep or lack thereof and hasn't had any experience of other toddler's sleeping patterns etc/doesn't have any friends with kids to 'compare'. I remember thinking kids turned 1 then must magically start sleeping through before i had my own. The shock! )

OP posts:

CuntyBunty · 27/04/2014 10:18

You are not a shit mum. Early waking is one of the most intractable (is that the right word?) sleep things. If you are not tired and are happy, it's a non-problem no matter what anyone else says. You're doing great.

BigArea · 27/04/2014 10:20

How do you feel about him waking so early? I am not good in the morning so I found wakeups beginning with a 5 soul destroying. But if you're happy to get up with him at that time then I don't think you need to worry about anyone else's opinion - unless they are having him overnight on a regular basis I suppose.

I can't suggest anything else for you to try as I think you've tried everything (I'm assuming you have blackout blinds?)

FWIW I think we lose sight if the fact that babies/toddlers are actual people and we all have different sleep patterns. Perhaps DS is simply a morning person.

riskit4abiskit · 27/04/2014 10:20

You mean they don't?! Aaargh!

Seriously though I think he just must not be tired.

Some adults need a lot of sleep (me) and some dont (dh). It just is.

thebodydoestricks · 27/04/2014 10:20

Sounds completely normal to me.

You shouldn't be getting up with him though unless you want to.

With mine I told them to play quietly in their room or look at books in bed.

Sometimes would put a DVD on for them.

He's 3 so should understand this.

Not sure why your dm and dgm are interfering! Not really their business is it.

MrTumbleForPM · 27/04/2014 10:21

Is your DS quite happy when he wakes up or cries to come out of his room?

Original poster

TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 10:21

Thanks.

I get a bit run down if I don't go to bed early but usually make sure i'm asleep between 9-10 so I don't really mind. I was an early waker myself before DS and am only up an hour earlier than I would've been pre DC.

But my entire family & DP are night owls! He won't wake at 5:30 forever will he, so surely it's not an issue and isn't because I'm a soft touch, unlike my DM who 'wouldn't have any of that'

I do make him play in his room until 6 if he wakes before then. And I tried making him stay in bed before 6:30 for about a week but he'd just get out of bed and play anyway. You can't strap them in can you!

OP posts:

edwinbear · 27/04/2014 10:22

dd and ds are also up at 6am every morning. They are both good sleepers with no night time wakings, it's just how mine seem to be programmed. I just got to bed a bit earlier myself so I'm not tired.

shushpenfold · 27/04/2014 10:24

My DS woke at 5.45 everyday of his life until 2yrs and only then went a little longer than his 2 little DSis.......he's 13 now and is still the first one down, sometimes before me! They need to chill and realise that 6am is normal wake up time for many LO's and, sadly, for many of us working adults too!

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 27/04/2014 10:24

My DS was exactly the same, in fact he probably woke a bit earlier. Absolutely nothing I did could change it. He's 12 now and still gets tired early and wakes early. Most nights he's yawning by half 8 and wakes at the weekend about 7 or half 7.

It's just the way he is. Although I have my fingers crossed for the teenage years.

I genuinely don't think there's anything you can do.

MrTumbleForPM · 27/04/2014 10:24

Pressed post too soon!!
DD1 went through a stage of this. Ended up putting a DVD on for her and also got one of these Gro clocks that worked well for her. Though I know these don't work for all kiddies!

You're not doing anything wrong, my lovely.

Original poster

TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 10:24

Thanks. He's happy as anything. He'll often walk in, I'll put him in pants and make sure he's not leaked in the night (wears a nappy at night still) then tell him to play for a bit while I properlly wake up/have another few mins 'catnap' with one eye/ear open IYSWIM?

OP posts:

HypodeemicNerdle · 27/04/2014 10:24

Some kids are just early risers. I have 3 DC, 2 of them are not early risers and the other 1 is. I've not done anything different with their routines. We taught my early rising DS pretty early how to turn on the tv when he got up and to make himself breakfast. He is now 7 and happily gets up before 6 (I don't know exactly how early as I am not an early riser!) and quietly starts his day.

shushpenfold · 27/04/2014 10:24

little DD's I meant.....can't find a twit emoticon!

OurMiracle1106 · 27/04/2014 10:25

Isnt it sort of nature we wake around dawn? I find I tend to wake earlier in the Sumner naturally than in the winter.
Have you tried a blackout blind?

The body though has it's own clock.

Swex · 27/04/2014 10:26

I haven't read through all the answers but somebody posted this website yesterday and I really liked it.

www.babysleepsite.com/Guides/BabySleepSite_5WaysToSTTN.pdf

Original poster

TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 10:26

He does have a gro-clock

That helps him now it's spring and he can hear birds in the 'morning'!

I've always been pretty knackered by 8-9 ever since I was a young teen and up between 6-8 naturally. I think I passed it on to him, if that's possible

OP posts:

shitatusernames · 27/04/2014 10:27

Isn't it all part of having children? I'm yet to have one that likes to sleep in, my 8 year old was up at 5.15 this morning, so he came down and played on the xbox, makes no difference either what time they go bed.
I think the problem is once they are awake at that time then as far as they are concerned it's time to get up.

AuntySib · 27/04/2014 10:27

Isn't that what small children do? All mine woke that early for years, I hated those early wake ups , tried everything including blackout blinds but they all woke early until they were about 5 or 6 I think. And every single one of my mummy friends would moan about the same thing - I can remember waiting for sesame street to start at 6 am, and we'd all seen it( this is a very long time ago!).
Your child is perfectly normal and you are not a shit Mum! And it does eventually get better.

Mim78 · 27/04/2014 10:27

Sounds like you are doing brilliantly. Many toddlers are like this. Ignore them.

AuntySib · 27/04/2014 10:28

Original poster

TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 10:30

He did wake about half an hour/45 mins later in deep winter, but the birds are fairly loud where we are. His room is very dark though so it's not the light.

I live in a 1 bed so it's a bit of a faff because i'm on a sofa bed in the front room but there's enough room for him to play/watch the TV/eat breakfast and he often plays in his room first thing anyway as all his toys are in there (it's also a bungalow so not enough space for the toys in the front room)!

Thans for the replies. I feel like I'm missing 'the big deal' when my family talk about it

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TeWiSavesTheDay · 27/04/2014 10:31

I think some kids just have this stage tbh. MY 2yo got a bit better when the clocks changed but is still up at 6.10 and the 5yo not long after!

They'll grow out of it. You aren't shit, at all. (and if they actually want things to change moaning at you isn't going to do much is it?)

fairnotfair · 27/04/2014 10:31

He sounds lovely. And you are definitely not BU.

(My DS1 woke every morning by 5.30 until he was 4 years old. It was soul-destroying. I felt like the only person on earth sometimes in the dark early morning. And the TV was shite. Once he started school, it changed to 6.30, which was fine. Now he's 12, I have to use a crowbar to get him out of bed. )

Original poster

TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 10:32

Thank you.

I realized it was likely to be this way for some time once he was still waking this early on his 3rd birthday!

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