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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family are piling pressure on. AIBU and a shit mum or is DS's early rising just 'one of those things'?

85 replies

TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 10:15

My DM, DP and DGM all seem to think DS waking between 5-6 is ridiculous.

I tried:

Putting him to bed at 8-9 for a week(his usual bedtime is about 6), which just made him extra tired and he still woke at 6ish

Changing what food he ate for tea and making sure he wasn't hungry (he's 3 so could tell me but it was worth a try).

Cut his daytime nap, which he now doesn't have and hasn't for 6 months.

I've used controlled crying since he was a little toddler, which means he sleeps through most nights but doesn't stop the early waking.

Mixing up the bedtime routine in several ways over several weeks to see what happened (nothing changes usually, though the longer I spend putting him to bed the stroppier he gets so he just gets a 20 min 'warning' then it's quiet time during those 20 mins to wind him down a bit and bedtime is very quick or he plays up).

He still gets about 11 hrs so I don't think he's actually sleep deprived. He's well behaved in the day and shows no obvious signs of being tired (until after half 5).

AIBU to think this is just how some toddlers are and that my DM, DGM and DP just have unrealistic expectations? Or am I missing something/doing it wrong? Confused

OP posts:
Neena28 · 27/04/2014 10:32

Ds did this for about 12.5 years!! He's now 13yo and doesn't get out of bed at weekends until about 8.30am although he is up and about when his alarm goes off on school days. He is just a morning person, if I put him to bed earlier he still got up at the same time but was tired later on through the day. We did teach him to stay in his room and quietly do something til 6.15 ish tho.

Dd has never willingly got out of bed in the morning at anytime! She is a night owl tho naturally.

Their dad and I are both relatively good morning people tho.

I suggest you ignore the comments and stick to the fact you know your ds best, his patterns and quirks are what make him unique. Be grateful that you won't have to fight him out of bed in the morning for school!!

Whereisegg · 27/04/2014 10:33

I'm interested to know what exactly your dm and dgm suggest you do?

Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 10:33

Fair Grin

OP posts:
Neena28 · 27/04/2014 10:35

If he is a little older or fairly responsible could you leave things out for him to have his breakfast? Once ds was a little older he would get up and just add milk to the cereal we had left out and would happily give himself breakfast and play to give us an extra few mins in bed at weekends! We put a measure of milk into his own little jug in the fridge as he couldn't pour from the big milk.

Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 10:36

They just say 'well I didn't have that off your DM/You so you shouldn't either' Hmm Maybe it's because they were just bloody lucky/can't actually remember having kids that little!

Dm only very rarely looks after DS too (I am grateful she does at all of course) so I don't see why it's this big 'thing' tbh. I've tried everything and then stopped asking her as much, to which she got offended, so I explained and she said the above, about just being 'firm'...again.

It's painful.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 10:37

Thanks neena

I'll try that I think! Smile

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TeaMakesItAllPossible · 27/04/2014 10:40

YANBU. He is a lark. My DS2 is one, the other DSs are owls. We do no different with him than the others. It's genetic.

He's now 12 YO and reads in bed until the agreed rising time. Our bedtime routine still includes the words "See you in the morning, not too early" and we all joke about the time he slept in until 9am so I kept him off school because I just knew he was ill. Be thankful you're a lark. I still shudder at being in the park at 7am with him clutching two coffees.

Tis on the internet

Neena28 · 27/04/2014 10:42

You sound lovely by the way and so does your ds. It's good you're sticking up for who he naturally is

Rinkydinkypink · 27/04/2014 10:44

I had this op! Ds even slept in at grandparents houses till 7amShock

It was of course my incompetent parenting that was the problem!
We tried everything and even now at 6 nearly 7 he's still up early. Now he tells us its because he's misses usGrinGrin

Tell that to the in laws Wink

Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 10:44

I weirdly sort of enjoy being out with him early Blush

I can fit loads more into my day Grin

I am extra knackered by 9 though, which is fine by me anyway!

But DP won't feel tired at all til 10 onwards, so it's harder for him in a way. Though he starts work early anyway!

OP posts:
sashh · 27/04/2014 10:44

But my entire family & DP are night owls! He won't wake at 5:30 forever will he, so surely it's not an issue and isn't because I'm a soft touch, unlike my DM who 'wouldn't have any of that'

I'm 47 and I still wake up before 6am every morning, so, well yes it can be forever.

The only time I didn't wake up early was in my late teens.

Whereisegg · 27/04/2014 10:45

Yes, clearly you need to be more firm.
Let us know how that works out Grin

Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 10:45

Thanks Neena Blush

He's so sweet in the mornings once I'm properlly up. All 'I love you mummy' and 'can I have a cuddle pleeeeeease' Grin Makes it hard to be annoyed even when I am tired.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 10:48

Where I might try a straight jacket instead of PJs and a bolt on the toybox Grin

And I don't mind if he does wake like that til he's older sash I'm not about to suddenly become a night owl so it's ok really. Just seems to really shock some people. A few women from the local kiddy group/centre were surprised last week and asked if i'd tried B'blinds/gro clocks etc.

OP posts:
Neena28 · 27/04/2014 10:49

My ds was like that too...Make the most of it my ds now mostly grunts and tells me about the unfairness of his life! I miss my cute little boy!!

DeWee · 27/04/2014 10:53

I have 3 dc whom bedtimes were (as a baby) done exactly the same.
Dd1 slept 12+ hours at night from 8 weeks. She rarely woke before 8, and could be much later.
Dd2 woke about 2-3x a night until she was about 15 months. She usually woke between 7 and 9 for the day.
Ds usually woke about 1x a night until he had grommets in, but his natural rising time was between 6 and 7. He also was impossible to keep awake later than 8pm, he would have rather gone to sleep at 6pm.

hackmum · 27/04/2014 10:53

"My DM, DP and DGM all seem to think DS waking between 5-6 is ridiculous."

This would infuriate me. What exactly are you supposed to do? Put Temezepam in his bedtime drink?

11 hours seems like a reasonable amount of sleep for a three-year old. I think 6pm is quite an early bedtime, but if putting him to bed a bit later doesn't make any difference, you might as well stick with it.

Or perhaps you could go on holiday for a week, leave your DP/DM/DGM in charge and see how they get on with it.

Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 10:53

I know! I'm only early 20s myself so I can still clearly remember how grumpy me and my DB were at the peak of our 'teens'. I am cherishing it whilst I can Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 10:58

I've moved his bedtime to half 6 the past fortnight, which means he wake up at 6 instead between %:30 and 6 (wahey, what a difference Hmm Grin ). Any later and he gets overtired/a nightmare/then seems to sleep poorly anyway and isn't well refreshed because he woke up normalish time anyway but had less sleep. It seems to be a very routine waking time for him. Rarely varies.

The one time I woke up at 7 and realized he was still in bed I crapped myself and went to check on him because I thought something was really wrong. Turned out he'd developed a million chicken pox overnight!

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Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 10:59

Oo that first sentence went a bit weird on this phone, but YKWIM...

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bochead · 27/04/2014 11:05

I wouldn't be killing myself to disrupt what is obviously his natural body clock, not after watching various friends get into trouble with schools for tardiness. Punctuality, like good attendance is so important to schools nowadays. Having a naturally early riser in these circumstances is SO much better than a kid who constantly wants to sleep in when they start reception.

"Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise"

I'm an owl, so now he's 9 some mornings DS will very sweetly, without being asked bring me a coffee if I can't keep up with his conversation to his satisfaction at that hour lol!

Tell em at least you know already he'll be able to get out of bed in the morning for work when he's older and won't be joining the Jeremy Kyle mob and let the child get on with it. In the meantime you get a couple of hours adult time every evening to spend with your partner - which I'd bet he'd miss if it were suddenly curtailed.

Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 11:06

I do often feel like telling Dm that if she thinks she can make him stay in bed purely through the power of 'being firm' (and I am firm, thank you very much) then she's welcome to try for a week. My guess is she'd turn it down...

But she's nice about my parenting in other ways so it's not like she's always picking holes. It's just a subject that comes up all the bloody time for some reason. Most convos involve a 'is he sleeping through yet' question. Err yes actually. Waking at 5:30 isn't like waking throughout the night!

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Original poster
TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 11:09

Thanks. I did mention that to DP. We get a few hours more than we would if it was the other way around which has worked out well for the relationship. I wouldn't make DS go to bed early if he wasn't shattered enough but it's sort of lucky he is wired that way in that regard. He did quit mentioning it after that at least. It's mostly just DM and DGM. Nevermind! I'm glad to know it's not just DS Smile

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attheendoftheday · 27/04/2014 11:17

It's one of those things imo.

Dd1 (2.11) wakes naturally around 5-5.30. We have a gro clock, she gets up to play in her room and doesn't come through to us until the sun comes up at 6.30. It works for us (just need to get dd2 to understand the concept now).

AvoidingEasterDIY · 27/04/2014 11:18

It could be worse - he could be a lark and a nightowl like me Grin

I am rarely still asleep at 6.30am - I'm usually awake about 5.30am and I struggle to go to bed/go to sleep. I've always been like this... but, of course, my parents should have just been more strict HmmGrin