Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Family are piling pressure on. AIBU and a shit mum or is DS's early rising just 'one of those things'?

85 replies

TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 10:15

My DM, DP and DGM all seem to think DS waking between 5-6 is ridiculous.

I tried:

Putting him to bed at 8-9 for a week(his usual bedtime is about 6), which just made him extra tired and he still woke at 6ish

Changing what food he ate for tea and making sure he wasn't hungry (he's 3 so could tell me but it was worth a try).

Cut his daytime nap, which he now doesn't have and hasn't for 6 months.

I've used controlled crying since he was a little toddler, which means he sleeps through most nights but doesn't stop the early waking.

Mixing up the bedtime routine in several ways over several weeks to see what happened (nothing changes usually, though the longer I spend putting him to bed the stroppier he gets so he just gets a 20 min 'warning' then it's quiet time during those 20 mins to wind him down a bit and bedtime is very quick or he plays up).

He still gets about 11 hrs so I don't think he's actually sleep deprived. He's well behaved in the day and shows no obvious signs of being tired (until after half 5).

AIBU to think this is just how some toddlers are and that my DM, DGM and DP just have unrealistic expectations? Or am I missing something/doing it wrong?

OP posts:

Nocomet · 27/04/2014 11:18

I still BF DD2 at three so I just snuggled up in bed with her and she fed and dozed. It was the only possible way to stay sane.

She carried on believing the day started at least an hour before anyone else until she started secondary school when of course she needed to be up early.

She was just allowed to watch TV or mess about in her lap top when she was a bit older.

EvaBeaversProtege · 27/04/2014 11:18

Does dp live with you?

dustarr73 · 27/04/2014 11:21

Op i was just going to say that about early to bed ,at least you get some couple time in the evening.Id leave it well alone and let him go to bed himself.Also stop telling your dm things ,it has nothing to do with her.After all you are the one getting up its not like it impacts her anyway.

Cyclebump · 27/04/2014 11:21

DS is exactly the same. We've tried everything too. Listen to the advice and complaints then ignore it. He's your child, you know him best.

Original poster

TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 11:21

Thanks for the reassurance.

My DB is a night owl and a lark since adulthood. I have no idea how he manages

DP lives 10 mins away. We're saving for a place together. he stays 3 nights a week so not too bad. It's the weekend mornings that he's usually here. Kids don't really 'get' what a weekend is for quite some time

OP posts:

pointyshoes · 27/04/2014 11:22

My son was just the same. We tried everything to change his early rising. Didn't matter what time he went to bed, if he stayed up late he still woke early but then got extra grumpy during the day because he hadn't had enough sleep. Nothing could change him from this habit and some days seemed very long. I was given a lot of "helpful" advice from people who had a more flexible child who "knew" that if I just kept him up later it would all be fine (as if I hadn't already tried this), but you need to just get through it the best way you can. Keep reminding yourself that everything is just a phase and it won't be for ever even it seems like it at the time. DS gradually improved and got better at sleeping in longer or entertaining himself till a more reasonable hour. He's now 19 and we have the reverse problem - home from uni for the holidays and no sign till midday!

PrimalLass · 27/04/2014 11:23

Is the room as dark as it can possibly be? I ended up having to put a draught excluder along the bottom of DD's door as the light from that was telling her it was time to get up.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 27/04/2014 11:26

Our DS2 is a lark, and an owl. He is very rarely asleep after 6am.

I'm an owl and it kills me, but we have tired everything.

PoundingTheStreets · 27/04/2014 11:34

Mine were always early risers, too. Unless you can safely confine him to his room, it's just one of those things you have to suck up. You can't force him to sleep beyond a time he wants to, although you can try to train him - but it sounds as if you've already been doing that and it's not made much difference.

You might want to consider the fact that sometimes children need more sleep and earlier bedtimes to sleep in later the following morning. I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but sleep deprivation can result in an impaired ability to get to and stay asleep.

Other than that, just hang on to the fact that it will pass. As DS gets older he'll either sleep in later or become mature enough that you don't need to supervise immediately. FWIW both mine needed much more sleep once they started school - life became so much easier after that.

whatever5 · 27/04/2014 11:44

It's not really surprising that he gets up at 5 or 6 a.m. if he goes to sleep at 6 p.m. as that is a very early bedtime. You may have tried putting him to bed later for a week but that obviously wasn't long enough to change his routine. If you're the one getting up with him and you're happy though it's nobody else's business.

PunchHouse · 27/04/2014 11:52

As will all kinds of child rearing issues, if it's not a problem for you, it's not a problem.

If it is a problem, you have to change your whole routine, not just put him to bed later for a week. He needs 11 hours sleep. So if you want him to wake at 7.30 (say), put him to bed at 8.30. This means a later meal, or he'll be woken early by hunger. So dinner at 7 ish. A mid afternoon snack at 4 to tide him over.

This would be a lot of change for a 3 year old, so only worth doing if YOU really want things to change.

EatDessertFirst · 27/04/2014 12:02

Ignore your family. Sounds completely normal to me. My two DC (3&5) are early risers but they are in bed by 7.15pm and sleep straight through so they get plenty of sleep. No amount of putting them to bed later will make them get up later, they just wake up grumpy.

I'd much prefer my evenings to myself and get up early than have to drag them out of bed for school/nursery. Echoing PP, if its not a problem to you, then there is no problem.

Hissy · 27/04/2014 12:04

I'd suggest that DM and DGM keep their opinions to themselves!
No 2 kids are the same and they have no right at all to make you feel inferior or a shit mum.

You're in your 20's so sadly an easy target for bullying by people like them, put your foot down and tell them that 90% of the stuff they did 'in their day' is either proved wrong, harmful or illegal.

You aren't asking for them to get up with him, and you won't from now on.

They want you to 'get firm'. So get firm! But with the right people to get firm with; the ones being utter arses.

I'm glad to hear that your DP is back on side.

RubyReins · 27/04/2014 12:10

I haven't read the whole thread but this is normal as far as I am concerned. My wee boy gets up at that time, goes to bed at 9pm and doesn't nap during the day. It's just how he is. He usually goes for DH rather than me so it doesn't really affect me that much but DH needs his kip and I often find him passed out on the sofa with DS playing with lego or something at 8am.

My friends and family all have the same issue and one was going to write to the BBC asking CBeebies to start at 5am rather than 6am :)

You're doing brilliantly - ignore them.

paulapantsdown · 27/04/2014 12:10

You are doing fine, it's totally normal and your family need to butt out.

VodkaJelly · 27/04/2014 12:14

My DD is 15 months old and is a night owl, she takes after me. She doesnt go to sleep till about 10 or 11pm at night, we have tried everything, stopping her naps (that didnt go well), bathing her, story time, leaving her in her cot, self soothing, everything and nothing works, she just doesnt want to go to sleep early.

But the bonus side is that she rarely gets up before 8.30am. On the days she is in nursery we have to crow bar her out of bed.

I know it sounds great that she sleeps in but on the down side I dont get any time to do anything. As I am at work all day i have the housework to do in the evening (cooking tea/tidying up/washing up) and i have a whingey toddler attached to my leg wanting her milk or a story read. I dont get time to do any housework, as fast as i clean up she is destroying it behind me.

I would love for her to be asleep at 6 or 7pm, I would get so much done. And i wouldnt care about her getting up at 6am as DP is a lark and is always up between 5.30 and 6am so he can look after her!

Original poster

TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 12:24

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I was given a lot of "helpful" advice from people who had a more flexible child who "knew" that if I just kept him up later it would all be fine...as if I hadn't already tried this... This does my head in

And I know what you mean Pounding
When I tried keeping him up in the christmas holidays he got over tired, dragging putting him to bed was much harder and he actually slept worse because he woke up in the night more, which stopped once we reverted again.

I think I'll say something diplomatic but firm next time it comes up. Despite being 'young' I'm not a total moron. I have friends with older kids that have given good advice, read up on the issue and have been as firm as I can be without restraining him in the mornings.

Like we don't get enough stick about the 'wrongs/rights' of parenting from the media etc!

OP posts:

Original poster

TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 12:25

I also feel anytime past 8 for bed is too late, as I don't really get any time to myself otherwise. I was happy to push the bedtime to between 7-8 to see what happened but as mentioned before, it had the opposite effect, which I wasn't expecting!

OP posts:

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 27/04/2014 12:30

Sounds great , if your lo is asleep st 6 pm ish you get plenty of time in the evening to unwind. It won't be forever and my ds now wakes at 10 am at weekends (7). When he was a baby I found the early rising very tiring but it was clearly suiting his body clock. He was a ray of sunshine with his best moods before 9:30am when he has his first nap.

I had loads of sticky beaks suggesting all kinds of nonsense about moving this nap. not one of whom ever helped me get one extra minutes sleep so I found this type of thing easy to ignore.

I always got up with ds and dh took him out / entertained him when I got tired so I could catch up at the weekend.

If your dh is so disapproving, maybe he could take your dc to his parents and sort this out .

Fairylea · 27/04/2014 12:32

I'm just popping out so haven't read the entire thread but I have two dc 11 years apart and they have both been early risers. Even now aged 11 dds idea of a lie in is 7.30!

Like you I've tried everything. And then I just gave up and stopped worrying about it. I have adjusted routines accordingly so ds 22 months has his 2 hour nap at 11 and goes to bed at 6. Works for us as we have the evenings free! I can make dinner and sit down and relax once he's in bed...

And then he's up with the lark at 5.30 or even 5 again.

Not worth worrying about to be honest. Lots of dc do wake early. I think it's more pointless to get angry about it and stress yourself and the child out trying to get them to sleep later. I'd be annoyed if someone insisted I lay in bed later than I wanted to go to bed later than I wanted to so not sure why people seem to be surprised that children get annoyed when we try and screw with their natural routines.

Gradually they do start to sleep later.

If it doesn't bother you just go with it and tell everyone else to sod off.

PunchHouse · 27/04/2014 12:41

It's a peculiarly British thing, the early bedtime for young DC, and it causes so much unnecessary exhaustion in parents who don't want or need to be up before dawn.

I'm not a morning person and would rather have DC up later than be woken constantly before daybreak. And it means I can go to bed at 11 and still get the sleep I need, as well as some time to myself. So it works for me.

But as with everything - go with whatever works for you!

whatever5 · 27/04/2014 12:45

I'm not really surprised that it had the opposite effect if you suddenly started putting him to made at 8 or 9 though. He would be less likely to sleep well if he is overtired. If you gradually started moving his bedtime a little bit later though he probably would wake up a bit later especially if you have good blackout curtains in his room. If the early wake up times don't bother you though, there is no problem.

maddening · 27/04/2014 12:45

when you do push the bedtime later do you do it gradually or in one go?

Waltermittythesequel · 27/04/2014 12:54

Blackout curtains were a godsend for me with my early riser!

But I have three and can categorically state, as everyone else has, each child is different and he is just an early riser!

The only thing I would say is 6 sound very early. But each to their own!

Original poster

TheOrchardKeeper · 27/04/2014 12:59

I spent 4 days adding on half an hour each day, so from 6, to 6:30, to 7, to 7:30 to about 8. Was a bit fast I guess.

There isn't any light in his room at all unlike the bloody birdsong from right outside

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4