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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Girldfriend's mum has banned Ds from seeing her.

107 replies

DieselSpillages · 26/04/2014 09:01

Ds 15 and his girlfriend have been very close for 4 months now.

Girlfriend's mum phoned me up last night to say that he can't see her any more. Apparently she found a text where they were talking about smoking a joint. She now thinks Ds is a drug dealer !

Obviously I am very concerned about the smoking of cannabis but am not so naive that I don't realise lots of kids try it out.

I think her reaction is harsh as they live in the same small village and it will be difficult to police keeping them apart. She has also threatened that her older sons will get involved if necessary.

I think at their age banning them from seeing each other for ever more is a sure fire way of driving them closer.

AIBU to feel she is over reacting and being a tad unfair to entirely blame my son for this. He is completely devestated.

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 26/04/2014 09:58

The police will probably talk to your son, but I doubt he'll get in any real trouble for it. I think the other mum is massively overreacting, and am not surprised her DD has run off.
I'm happy for your DS that you are being pragmatic and sensible, and that he isn't made to feel alienated by you.

Gennz · 26/04/2014 10:00

Report your DS for discussion going halves on a small amount of cannabis?? As far as I'm aware that's not actually a crime?

I can understand her being upset but she sounds like a loon.

Fairenuff · 26/04/2014 10:01

She is the girl's mother and makes the rules. I would tell my ds that he should respect that, not try to come between mother and daughter. Then I would give him some strategies.

Don't contact her or arrange to deliberately meet up with her. If they are together be polite and understanding but don't get involved in anything more.

If her mum sees that he is behaving responsibly and treating her daughter respectfully, then she may even change her mind.

pictish · 26/04/2014 10:01

I think she's totally overreacting and I do feel sorry for you.

From your OP, I was going to say that your lad would just have to suck it up, as it's up to his gfs mother how she raises her dd, and what rules she imposes...but her turning up in a state of agitation, and speeding off to the police station to report him demonstares that she is lacking perspective.

The good news is, your son isn't going to a borstal over this.

Ludways · 26/04/2014 10:02

You should've presenting a united front to them both, encouraging them to keep each other right, rather than making them sneak about to see each other.

If definitely be confronting her about the threat of her older sons, cheeky mare!

pictish · 26/04/2014 10:02

*demonstrates

OurMiracle1106 · 26/04/2014 10:03

So the daughter has now run away from home and the mums concern is going to the police about them sharing drugs rather than trying to find her? Has she ever wondered that there might be something else going on with her daughter to be considering using them?

I think you need to concentrate on your son.

SuburbanRhonda · 26/04/2014 10:03

She is now on way to police to report my DS

Report him for what? Her DD has run away, shouldn't she be reporting that to the police?

Not minimising the weed thing, just focusing on the more pressing issue.

HermioneWeasley · 26/04/2014 10:03

I can't believe the police will get worked up over a recreational amount of class C drugs, and it seems her daughter is as implicated as your DS

Original poster
DieselSpillages · 26/04/2014 10:04

I am not at all dismising her worries. Dh and Ds have gone off to try and find her daughter. I am very willing you listen to her empathically and help resolve this situation.
She has refused all attempts to talk about this, is very fixed in her viewpoint and has alienated her Dd to the extent that she has run off. Now the police are involved. I'm just thinking this could have been dealt with in a calmer way.

OP posts:
pictish · 26/04/2014 10:06

The dd has not 'run away from home' either - was that the mother's expression.
If it happened half an hour ago, she has stormed off. After a row with her overbearing, hysterical mother, who is going to the police about her boyfriend!
Fancy that.

Think this woman is a bit unhinged personally.

Suzannewithaplan · 26/04/2014 10:07

Don't tell her that you're keeping her texts as evidence!
Just keep all texts and make records of all events and communications just in case you do need them!

She sounds a bit hysterical so it's in your interests to be as calm rational and upfront as possible.

That way if she does involve the police it'll be obvious who is the decent, upright honest citizen.

Hope it all works out ok!

OurMiracle1106 · 26/04/2014 10:07

the police being involved is likely to scare her daughter further away. If she thinks Not only she can't see her boyfriend. Her mum is mad at her and the police are waiting I am sure she isn't going to want to come back anytime soon.

And the longer she stays away from home the harder it will be

pictish · 26/04/2014 10:07

Yes OP it could've...you're right.
If I were you actually, I'd be furious to have had all this fucking drama brought to my doorstep.

SuburbanRhonda · 26/04/2014 10:08

Hope she's found safe and sound, OP.

But when this incident blows over you and your DH will need to have a conversation with your DS about drugs.

Suzannewithaplan · 26/04/2014 10:10

Having already threatened to take the law into her own hands, ie vigilantism via her sons, this woman is on very thin ice if she wants to go to the police about the matter.

VeryStressedMum · 26/04/2014 10:11

It doesn't sound from the texts that her daughter was being pushed into using drugs, but that they were discussing it together. If the police were showed these texts I'm sure they would realise this.
No idea why she would be running to the police station to report your ds for drug dealing when her dd is missing, I'd be trying to find her first and actually talking to her to find out what the problem is. The mother sounds like she's gone off the deep end and the daughter had reacted to it.
Though I can understand the mothers worry, if I thought one of my dds was smoking drugs with a boyfriend I'd want her to stop seeing that boy.
I hope she's found safely.

Original poster
DieselSpillages · 26/04/2014 10:13

Dh has found the girl and taken her with Ds and his mate to mum's house and are waiting for her to presumably return from police station.

Could definitely have done without all the fucking drama pictish. It's a lovely day and I'd planned to cut the grass this morning.

OP posts:
OurMiracle1106 · 26/04/2014 10:15

In fact maybe ringing the 101 number and reporting the text from the mother would be a good thing right now. I would also ask them to ask her to stay away from my property until she can be rational. Her turning up being irrational is going to have an effect on the whole family and won't solve anything. If anything it will make it worse

OurMiracle1106 · 26/04/2014 10:17

Especially now as the girl has been found. They could ve using valuable police resources to find a teenager who is standing outside her home!

greenfolder · 26/04/2014 10:17

mucho drama. no doubt ds will have learnt all the relevant lessons. would suggest to ds that he is not allowed to bring said girlfriend to yours if this is the drama that follows. assume there are plenty of parks around (which is probably where the dope sellers hang out)

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 26/04/2014 10:19

OP i completely agree with your reactions. You haven't minimilised anything you've just reacted like a sane person. What exactly is the mother telling the police? I don't think discussing buying weed is even an offence. And her daughter would be in as much trouble if it were.

pictish · 26/04/2014 10:22

Absolutely buggerlumps - stupid bloody woman.

HavannaSlife · 26/04/2014 10:22

Ridiculous hysterical women. Sounds like her dd is as much to blame as your son re the weed.

shewhowines · 26/04/2014 10:23

You can convey to your son that you think drugs are a big mistake, whilst also communicating that you think this woman has completely overreacted.
Tell ds to keep his head down and that will give him a greater long term chance of seeing her again.

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