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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to have lied?

79 replies

Shatteredbaubles · 25/04/2014 21:02

I told dh a few weeks ago that I was having yesterday and today off, but he forgot, yesterday I went shopping, when I came home he was also home and asked if I'd been at work (coz I was wearing casual clothes) so I said yes, I can only think I did this because he gets a bit twitchy if I go shopping (we are not skint and both work full time but he hates any unnecessary spending or 'blowing' diesel to get there) so thats why I said I'd been at work. I know this was stupid. He has found out and clearly feels disappointed in me and is not speaking to me. I feel really crap as I know he's right but I really don't know what to say?

OP posts:

Misfitless · 25/04/2014 21:07

YABU for lying, but then, he's BU if everytime you use some diesel to go shopping, he is all disapproving and disappointed in you, he can hardly blame you. Unless it's something you do all the time, and it causes a financial strain.

I take it it's window/clothes shopping, rather than food shopping, surely?

Original poster

Shatteredbaubles · 25/04/2014 21:12

Yes, clothes shopping, we are going on holiday in a few weeks and I'm trying to get sorted for this as I have no A/L between now and then, I can't go on a weekend as there's too much to do at home, also it's my birthday tomorrow so I just wanted to go out and treat myself.

OP posts:

WooWooOwl · 25/04/2014 21:16

He is not right, but then neither were you when you lied. You shouldn't need to lie, of you earn your own money and paid for your own petrol and bought your own stuff without expecting him to pay all the bills out of his salary, then you are perfectly entitled to go shopping.

Your DH sounds like a tight arsed stroppy teenager. He has no right to be disappointed in you for doing a perfectly normal thing.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 25/04/2014 21:19

How did he find out?
You need to work on your cover stories in the future
Have a great holiday.

Jinty64 · 25/04/2014 21:21

That you were afraid to tell the truth because you feared his reaction is quite worrying. You really need to discuss this whole issue with him. It is very unreasonable to lie as you did and I am not surprised he is disappointed but it sounds as if there is more to it than meets the eye.

Do you have children?

Original poster

Shatteredbaubles · 25/04/2014 21:23

He bought me a new car and as it is valuable had a tracker fitted, today (he knew I was off) and I had gone out with his knowledge, my phone was flat so he 'tracked' me coz he said as I was near his work he wanted to meet me but couldn't contact me due to my phone being off, this is when he looked at the tracker via his phone and saw yesterday's whereabouts. Sod all I can do

OP posts:

Groovee · 25/04/2014 21:27

I think you were wrong to lie but he sounds a bit strange using a tracker to check up on you.

FunkyBoldRibena · 25/04/2014 21:27

He fitted a tracker to your car? And is tracing you?

You got more issues than shopping love.

Janethegirl · 25/04/2014 21:28

So in future take the car to work as normal, then use public transport to go shopping. It might be worth telling your work colleagues your plan so they don't inadvertently grass you up. Or just tell dh to butt out :)

MrsPnut · 25/04/2014 21:28

Fuck that, why did he need to track you today? I would tell him to back off and that I would go where I wanted, when I wanted.

He isn't the boss of you, and whilst you should consider his wishes, he doesn't get the final say.
Would you question him about what he's doing during the day?

WooWooOwl · 25/04/2014 21:29

He can track what you do and where you go in the car? Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

Does he have control over every aspect of your life, or just where you go and what you buy?

Seriously OP, this does not sound healthy.

GoldfishCrackers · 25/04/2014 21:31

I don't like the sound of that tracker.

Original poster

Shatteredbaubles · 25/04/2014 21:34

I don't think he tracks me as a matter of course, (at first I think he thought every time he logged on to the tracker app it would cost him money! ) I'm usually pretty strong and stand up to him but today I know I'm wrong, he is a perfectionist and has really high standards and finds some of my approaches irritating that's why I think I've been secretive, not because I'm doing anything wrong but because I know I'll irritate him. :(

OP posts:

FunkyBoldRibena · 25/04/2014 21:37

Why has being a perfectionist mean you have to lie about going shopping?

hopelesspennydelusion · 25/04/2014 21:39

Don't know why you lied - you'd already told him you were off those days (even if he then forgot) seems pointless to me, no wonder he's disappointed.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 25/04/2014 21:42

A tracker?? Now I've heard it all, unbelievable.

I would take that tracker and shove it somewhere
As Funkyboldribena says - you've got more issues than shopping to deal with.

The fact that you feel you need to lie about what you've been doing during the day should set off alarm bells - have you considered this?

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 25/04/2014 21:47

You know you'll irritate him so you feel the need to lie?

He sounds like a completely controlling and irrational freak, on the face of what you have said. You need help to escape - really. That sounds so bizarre

WooWooOwl · 25/04/2014 21:54

He has high standards so that automatically makes you the irritating one?

What makes either of you so sure that his way is right? What makes his approach superior to yours?

Again this really doesn't sound healthy, or in any way normal.

Icimoi · 25/04/2014 21:54

I don't buy that excuse for tracking you. If he wanted to meet you, he'd still have to make contact with you somehow and knowing where the car was wouldn't help him. And why did wanting to find you today mean that he had to have a look at where the car was yesterday?

Original poster

Shatteredbaubles · 25/04/2014 21:57

Dunno? I just assumed it gives a list or something,

OP posts:

Original poster

Shatteredbaubles · 25/04/2014 22:02

I know he's a bit controlling, he does it by the questions he asks and his response to the answers, I just adjust to it, I don't really do anything dreadfully wrong, when I know he'd disapprove I just lie I guess, so I know this is wrong and I'm still doing it anyway but just trying to get away without disturbing the equilibrium? I either have to conform or be truthful and put up with the consequences,

OP posts:

FunkyBoldRibena · 25/04/2014 22:03

What sort of consequences?

Original poster

Shatteredbaubles · 25/04/2014 22:05

Coldness, silences, distance, he keeps his distance from me and only speaks to me in a polite distant type manner

OP posts:

lucycoco · 25/04/2014 22:06

He bought you a car. You flat out lied to him. He's cross with you because you lied.

People have tracking devices on their phones and things all the time, it's convenient, especially if someone let's their phone run flat - not sinister.

This is a great example of a thread where if it was a woman who was being lied to by her partner when he was off spending money, would be given completely contrary advice. But here you are, being told he's controlling, irrational, tight arsed, stroppy. And that you "need to escape"! Ridiculous.

Original poster

Shatteredbaubles · 25/04/2014 22:07

I usually get really challenging with him when he does it so it doesn't have quite such an effect but I hate it when he does it

OP posts:

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