AIBU to have lied?

[Shatteredbaubles]

I told dh a few weeks ago that I was having yesterday and today off, but he forgot, yesterday I went shopping, when I came home he was also home and asked if I'd been at work (coz I was wearing casual clothes) so I said yes, I can only think I did this because he gets a bit twitchy if I go shopping (we are not skint and both work full time but he hates any unnecessary spending or 'blowing' diesel to get there) so thats why I said I'd been at work. I know this was stupid. He has found out and clearly feels disappointed in me and is not speaking to me. I feel really crap as I know he's right but I really don't know what to say?

No I don't need to escape, I can hold my own, but it does get tiring. I don't think he had the tracker put on for any other reason than making sure if the car was nicked that it could be found.
I just could use some advice of how to make things ok again?

OP, this sounds like a very abusive relationship.

There is a storyline in a soap at the minute that is similar (not the same issues, but the control)

This is quite worrying.

You lied, that's wrong, I wouldn't do that. I would just tell dh I need stuff and I work hard. If be said I was blowing diesel money I would tell him to no be ridiculous and that's the end of it.

However, the tracking device wouldn't be for me at all.

Look there's the lie "this ol thing? Had it ages" or "yup 50% discount hurrah" when actually 25% or "was so cheap I bought two!"

To be clear, nothing that you say resonates on that scale. The bunting is solely red. The phrase that did it?

I adjust my behaviour

No. You sound stock holm syndromed.

He tracks you? I bet he knew where you had been before he asked if you were at work as well didn't he?

FYI we have tracking too. Thing is, neither of us use it or refer to it as you are.

What's stock holm syndrome?

I think ywbu to lie but I'd be more worried about why you felt you had to. I think it's really sad and your DH has to take some responsibility for that!

Its where someone is kidnapped and held hostage but developes feelings for their abductor

Lucy, I've thought there are double standards between men and women plenty of times on here, and it drives me crazy, but I wouldn't ever tell a woman posting about her husband spending his own money that she was right to be annoyed unless they couldn't afford formula for their baby or something.

This guy does sound tight arsed and controlling.

Lucycoco - "He bought you a car, you flat out lied to him"

Sorry - but are you for real? In any partnership, the buying of a car is part of life - not a favour that needs to be repaid. What planet are you living on? Clearly not this one.

Do you know what, your right, sodding sod him,

Exactly what WooWooOwl said.

So if my dp buys me a car its okay for him to stalk me? Sod that

Shattered - don't panic - hope you're okay. If you need to, please come and stay at my house, you'd be more than welcome. Sounds like you just need a great big hug. I'll even come and pick you up if you need it - really! (Not a false promise)

Pies, thank you, I'm a big girl, I dare say ill deal with it, I know he doesn't want to be without me but won't let it go for a while either. I'll just ride the storm, it's my birthday tomorrow so a crap one will probably be my penance. Eventually he will move on, probably when he needs me for something. I feel much better for having read everyone's messages. Thanks.

That is not a happy relationship - expecting a crap birthday as penance? No no no. You deserve better. If you ever need any help, plse PM me - I will come and get you - really, and I don't care how far away you are!!
Happy Birthday for tomorrow - hope it's a nice one!

Seriously? You earn your money you dan spend how you like! My dh would never ever judge any purchase I made and nor would I on anything he spent.

He sounds rather controlling to me!

Don't let a crap birthday "be your penance". Go out and have some fun with your friends. If he moans about you lying you just say "you know what, I booked this day off ages ago to enjoy buying clothes for our holiday, but I knew you'd just be miserable about it so it was easier to lie." I would love to yell LTB (which is what I think you should do), but I know it's not that simple, so my advice is to at least hold your own. So he'll be miserable on your birthday, leave him to his misery and go out!

Happy birthday!

You need to have a serious talk with him. He is not your overlord. You are a grown woman who can go shopping without asking his permission.

He has to stop spying on you and treating you without any respect at all.

We have a tracker on the car because it saved us around £400 on insurance, the novelty of tracking each other in the car soon wore off.

Yes you were bu for lying in the first place but considering you're married to a controlling manipulater you were justified in doing so.
Agree with the poster that said the lying is the least of problems.

I hope you have a lovely birthday regardless of his behaviour or his fucking punishments. I find it sad that you're expecting him to ruin the day, that's so so horrible OP and you deserve better, much better.

I got to the part where you said"I had gone out without his knowledge" oh dear goodness. You have problems. Why would you even think in such terms?

lucycoo I have on several occasions told posters on here to stop whinging about how their partners spend their own money.

I wouldn't lie to my DH but I think we all need personal time, freedom and pin money for what we want.

I would feel very untrusted if he fitted a tracker to my car even if he had bought it and would find it an unacceptable curtailing of my freedom of movement. It sounds massively creepy and controlling to me OP and would really worry me - whatever excuse reason there might be for it.