AIBU to have lied?

[Shatteredbaubles]

I told dh a few weeks ago that I was having yesterday and today off, but he forgot, yesterday I went shopping, when I came home he was also home and asked if I'd been at work (coz I was wearing casual clothes) so I said yes, I can only think I did this because he gets a bit twitchy if I go shopping (we are not skint and both work full time but he hates any unnecessary spending or 'blowing' diesel to get there) so thats why I said I'd been at work. I know this was stupid. He has found out and clearly feels disappointed in me and is not speaking to me. I feel really crap as I know he's right but I really don't know what to say?

I'm sure I know the same person ilovesooty!

Was her birthday in November!?

You didn't lie to him OP. You told him ages ago you were taking two days leave. He forgot. How is that your fault?

Shattered, it is worrying, though.

In the case of the girl I know, her husband can be lovely but essentially he has broken her down. He controls her so much she can't even see she's being controlled, if that makes sense. She claims quite openly she can handle him because in her eyes, she can - if she asks him permission to stay out with me (like he's her bloody Dad!) and he says yes, she will smile triumphantly and say "there, I can handle him!" But what she misses is that she shouldn't be asking permission in the first place.

This was a bright, sparkly girl a few years ago but she had their DS and that was the beginning of the end. She just gave birth to their daughter this month and awful as it sounds I wish she hadn't. I think she may have left if she hadn't had the DS but she had terrible post natal depression and it fed her reliance on him.

Seriously, please be careful: my friend can't call her life her own and in return as with ilovesootys friend, in return she has her physical needs met: lovely home and private school for the kids, she doesn't work because according to him "she can't handle it" (throwback to her depression) but is that worth it for the lack of freedom? I don't think so but she does, I suppose.

Hope you had a good birthday Shattered and that your dh didn't deliberately make it a miserable one...

I would have turned the tables on dh and said that I hadn't lied to deceive him, I wanted to see if he remembered where I was to see if he had bothered to remember that I had taken the day as leave. Maybe a bit late to do it now but worth keeping in mind if this sort of thing happens again as an approach to counteract it. Even answering his questions with a question or a simple 'hang on a sec, who made you the boss of me exactly? We're married. We're partners, equals. And it's not on that you think you have the right to dictate how I live my life'.

Just out of interest, how did/does his dad treat his mum - is his dad definitely head of the household who expects to be obeyed and his mum did?

Also I'm guessing that if you have a nice car then he has one that is equally as nice? I hope it has a tracker in it too and that you have access to the tracker app for both cars? If you do then great. If not - then might be worth asking for access on the basis that it's silly just him having access, what if a car was stolen and you couldn't get hold of him ASAP for whatever reason. If he genuinely does have them to help if they were stolen, he should have no issue with you having the same access he does. If he is using it as a way of spying on you or to be controlling or 'in charge' then chances are he wont want you to have access which should be ringing alarm bells about his unreasonableness and controlling nature. I'd also be asking him if there's something he has to hide - maybe he is suspicious of you as his own bad behaviour makes him assume you are doing the same as him iyswim.