Very long story as short as I can make it, I have teenaged daughters and a toddler son. Im currently single, but my Girls were from my 17 year marriage, I got divorced (fairly amicably) and my subsequent relationship was a 3 year hell on earth with an abusive man.
He left me when I was 8 months pregnant with our son, which although I was devastated at the time as I was by this point at rock bottom with such low self esteem, I believed all he said that I was stupid and not able to cope alone. Fast forward to now, when baby was born SS got involved due to DV and he was allowed to see the baby in a contact center, I was sent on a Freedom programme (for ladies who've been in an abusive relationship) and a self esteem course. He has not seen our son since November and Im just, JUST starting to feel safe again, get on top of my anxiety and believe i/we have escaped this man who did so much damage to my family.
This is the background history, but the problem is this. Since last December my teenaged DD (18) has been gradually getting worse in her behaviour, just the usual teen stuff, skipping college, lying a lot, drinking, piercing, tattoos, throwing parties and trashing my home and a particularly un-desirable BF.
We were not seeing eye to eye as you'd expect, I put a few ground rules in place that she didn't appreciate, but no massive falling out or huge rows. 1 of them (and tbh, there were only 2/3) was that her BF couldn't stay over every night as I have younger children and didn't appreciate hearing them having sex or them coming and going all hours. Reasonable no? I said just 2 nights a week please, any of her choosing, Id say yes but please out of courtesy could she ask and not just rock up unannounced as she had been.
This led to her leaving home. I was upset, didn't want her to go but ok, shes 18, felt she could not live by my house rules so I would try and understand/support. BUT I just found out last night that she went running to the EX, abusive partner which frankly has left me reeling, heartbroken and totally shocked!! She has a Dad of her own to call, Aunty, Grandparents and me all of whom would have helped and/or supported her if shed wanted to leave and go about things in a different way.
I just cannot justify or excuse why she would choose HIM after all he did to me, She old enough to understand fully the consequences of mine and her baby brothers safety here, the hurt and betrayal I would feel and frankly I feel stabbed in the back by my own DD and highly betrayed. I feel violated to find shes been with him the past 6 weeks, Im imagining all sorts - the two of them having cosy chats, discussing all my business, and possibly sharing news and photo's of the child he has not seen or contacted since last year. I don't feel safe. I feel anxious that he now know all my movements and whereabouts. I moved in September from our joint home and as I said was only just starting to feel a bit more comfortable in my own home again.
At this point I cannot think of 1 good excuse for what she's done and no reason whatsoever to justify her even getting in touch with him, let alone asking for his help and moving into the same place alongside him (they are both in a caravan park) She's put me in jeopardy, and her siblings too, and with no good reason as she had all those other people to help her, other than her own selfishness.
Up until last Christmas when all this started we were close, have always had a fairly good relationship and she was witness to all HIS behaviour so knows all he did, so she must surely realise what her cosying up to him would do? I cant think straight, I feel so hurt and betrayed. AIBU?? Would particularly like to hear from any other survivors of DV how would YOU react if your child did this to you behind your back?