to be disappointed at the attitude of our playgroup attendees?

[playgroupwoes]

Regular post NC as this makes me identifiable.

When I moved here 2 and a half years ago as a SAHM I needed a way to meet friends and to get out with my DS so I started going to a playgroup which was run voluntarily by a group of local mums. I loved it and ended up going to both sessions every week. The way I saw it, the fact that I attended so often meant I was pretty much duty bound to at least help with the setting up/tidying away. As it happened I ended up joining the committee and now run the group with two other mums.

The group is very popular and we often get compliments on how well it's run etc. I really enjoy running it and meeting new people but lately the whole thing is being soured by how lazy and entitled our attendees seem to be - is this the norm or are we just unlucky?

The sessions start at 10 but a few mums regularly turn up early and then stand around chatting while we run around putting out toys. We know these mums well and they know how hard we work and yet they seem to have no qualms about simply not helping us. I sometimes ask for them to do things and here and there but tbh it's easier to get on with it than to constantly direct them when they know exactly what to do but are just too lazy to do it.

Equally there are a number of parents/grandparents who watch everyone else tidying up at the end and then just wander out without lifting a finger to help. We actually had to ask for people to tidy up their children's snack stuff - practically everyone was just leaving the mess all over the table for the skivvies to clear away.

Our numbers have increased a lot in the last year or so and that has made the attitude even worse for some reason - a couple of times recently I've had mums (it always seems to be mums, we have plenty of dads and grandparents too) snippily ask me where such and such is as though the service isn't up to scratch. It is infuriating.

The youngest children of the two other mums are starting fulltime nursery in September so we are looking for people to replace them so that the group can continue. I just cannot run it on my own so without volunteers the group will close.

Out of nearly 50 parents one solitary person has stepped up and as it happens she genuinely can't commit the time needed. Still, she and only she has done her best to help in any way she can and is a godsend. It's a shame she can't do more as she is great, but she has a genuine excuse for not being able to so.

Everyone else seems perfectly happy to watch volunteers run around after them and seem to see nothing wrong with not helping out.

AIBU to be really disappointed at the whole thing? I helped from the very first day I attended and never once sat down and expected my fellow parents to run around after me. I was hugely grateful these mums had started such a great group and was only too happy to help.

Is this apathy and unwillingness to step up a symptom of the society we live in, that people will happily just take and take and not contribute? Or are we, as I say, just unlucky? Can anyone explain this attitude and perhaps restore my positivity?

I would announce at the end of the next playgroup that you need people to arrive early to help set up.

Then, the following week when people arrive early, say "thanks so much for coming early, please set up xyz!".

Have a formal tidy up time, and make it clear what needs to be done. Pick on regulars - "ok everyone, all the plates need to go back to the tray - Becky, can you sort that? Everyone take your plates to Becky! Sue's standing by the cars box, children take all the toy cars over to Finn's mummy!".

thing is, no one needs to do everything
if you need to leave early because of nap or whatever, make sure you help out earlier. When you have a tiny baby, people won't expect so much of you- but then you do a bit more when DCs are older
if everyone helps it's not a big deal - you do the teas every 6-8 weeks, you tidy away 1 box of toys most weeks, you tidy up your own mess- it's really very simple

YANBU
Out toddlers was small enough it ran very well with everyone taking turns to get the key and make sure it was tidy.

PTA however, has to get to the edge of folding every sodding time the committee want to retire or their DCs are all at secondary.

People, of course, are happy to come to events, send DCs to discos, use the swimming pool, have their DCs enjoy the climbing equipment and get cheap panto tickets. It's just helping that's a problem

This happened 20 years ago when mine were at the playgroup stage.

Lock the doors until the start time and get the tidying up done before singing/end activity.

As for folding if no-one steps forward, IME it's invariably taken to the wire and someone steps in at the last minute. I don't think I have ever seen anything threatened with closure actually do it.

I ended up in a similar situation with a playground last year. In the end I was opening it up every week which involved getting the keys from miles away, setting up everything pretty much on my own, getting the biscuits and coffee cos everyone else was too busy etc.

At the same time my DS was the oldest there and hated being there for 2 whole hours and would regularly start kicking off and being a pain. In the end neither of us were getting anything out of it and it was such a bind. I stopped going altogether, a couple of the other people stepped up for a bit but eventually it closed because not enough of the people who wanted to use it could be bothered to volunteer their time.

It seems to be a very common problem.

i have been to lots of play groups and there has never been this issue tell people to tidy up, walk u pto them this is when we tidy up

Introduce a Rota. It's the only way to get lazy people to do their bit, in any environment. It worked at a playgroup I used to attend.

Yes this sounds exactly like the playgroup I used to go to on my precious one non-working day with DS.

When the previous lady resigned (dammit I'm sure she only got pregnant with that third child to get out of it) I stupidly stuck my hand up, thinking how hard could it be to arrange a bunch of mums and children to drink coffee and play games once a week.

We did have a rota for doing the coffee which involved switching on the urn and setting it up, but people were often away on their week so muggins here did it as too embarrassed to ask anyone else to do it twice. Oh and if you volunteered for the rota you're meant to bring along tea towels which was written on the sheet - people never did it so I always ended up with two stinky tea towels.
It was just at the stage that DS decided to become a bolter so I'd try and load up the urn and stack up the cups whilst sneaking looks outside the kitchen as often as I could.

And yes we got the entitled lady who arrived one day as we were getting out toys on a snowy day - no rota, should have been whoever arrived early just did it - and stood there tapping her feet and saying that her little Johnny liked a lot of toys to be out. I did point out that she was free to put as many toys out as she wished, but strangely she didn't take me up on that.

Oh and lots of Mums disappearing conveniently a few minutes before tidy up because they had to get to the school to pick up older children ( despite the fact that the group was in the morning and school didn't finish for another half hour). Never thought that as they didn't do tidy up perhaps they should help a bit more actively with getting the toys out or doing a bit more on the coffee rota.

The final nail in the coffin for me was one Monday when playgroup wasn't on ( it was summer term so a lot of bank holiday) I got a long vituperative call from a woman who I actually quite liked and thought was nice, who had walked with her children( all of five minutes) to the hall to find out that the group wasn't on. All clearly visible on the date sheet that was put up every week, but apparently not good enough. The following week I distributed a written sheet of the dates to everyone and resigned.

I don't know whether to be pleased or sad that my experience appears to be exactly the same as all other playgroup organisers.

I'm thinking a system where you can pay or choose to do a particular job? So either put your money in or put your name down for coffee/craft/wash up etc. Would that work?

I work with under 5s and th people who are willing to help is about zero sigh you need to be bossy assertive to get them to move their mums if some child drops a grape on the floor say loudly OH little X has dropped that, or WHOS HIGH CHAIRS WAS this soon gets them motivated

Bums not mums

I mentioned upthread that the people setting up at ours (volunteer rota) don't pay that week. It's more of a thank-you than a bribe.

I am sure when mine were at playgroup years ago the rota week you didnt pay that day but they also did a pay for not doing Rota i missed a trick i think I could have done it every day and not paid a penny

Tell me about MrsJayy. The dirty looks I got when I asked people to put their child's snack plate on the tray! They did it for a couple of weeks, then just left all the plates on the table and walked away again. It is so incredibly rude - it would literally take them 10 seconds to do it, but instead they let muggins spend a good ten minutes gathering up all the plates and rubbish from the floor.

Some people go to toddler groups on their one day off from work, and want not to have to make smalltalk with strangers or wipe up other people's children's crumbs.

Which is fine. There are groups where the leader sets up and puts away and leads singing and makes the brews and puts out chocolate biscuits and raisins and breadsticks.

Only you'll pay £5 a session instead of £1.

It drove me mad. I offered to help with our local playgroup when the organisers child was moving on to school along with another mum. She unexpectedly got pregnant so instead of helping her I ended up doing it mostly by myself for a term.

I could not believe the laziness and selfishness of many of the mums. Several could not be bothered to supervise their children or clean up the snacks they gave them to eat while wandering around crumbling them all over the floor. We did a tidy up time before snack and songs (to avoid the convenient leaving before the boring tidying up) but some parents just let their children take a snacks from the table before anything had been tidied and get the toys back out as we tidied. They talked through the singing. They "accidentally" took toys home.

My theory is that because they have paid they think someone is earning money from it. Although we pointed out in the welcome letter that the fee only covered the rent, snack and (barely) new toys, there was no profit in it.

The thing that really upset me was that a lot of them were "friends" who were at that playgroup every single week but could not be bothered to help out, not only just because they should but because they could see how hard it was for me to try and do it while looking after my two children.

In the end I completely lost my temper because my very reliable 3 year wet himself because I was too busy trying to sort out a hundred things at once for the benefit of other peoples children with a screaming baby in a sling and not one of the people who had known him for years could be bothered to help him. I didn't go back again.

I really wish I had given up earlier, it wouldn't have left such a bitter taste in my mouth.

Oh that sounds awful. How can people be so lazy?

I will stop moaning about being on the Toddlers committee and having mums in the baby corner glaring when I had to put the mats away, It pales compared to some of the stories here. We must be very lucky.

If there is insufficient support then the group closes.you inform parents why

I have found that these sort of problems get worse as the group size increases. People mind their manners more with a smaller group.

Is there anyway you could reduce numbers?

Put up fees, stop advertising for new members, introduce rotas, find a smaller venue, introduce age limits?

You're not alone, or being unreasonable. I ran a toddler group in a village when dcs were small. Saw the same mums run out week after week just before tidy up time, then they'd still be outside chatting with their friends when the rest of us left, after tidying up. We had a system where a couple of the childminders would sing on the mats so mums were free to help clear up. Incidentally the dads, grandparents and cms were amazing at helping. When I handed over the reigns everyone moaned at meet cos the new committee had delusions of grandeur and they expected me to 'have a word' I ended up taking over again the following year. Glutton for punishment. I truly believed it was an important service in the village though. Also our tea ladies were there every week without fail, even though their children were a long way past toddler stage, having their own babies. However the odd occasion they couldn't make it I heard excuses that would make Del Boy blush!

I used to run round helping but then realised I was paying to attend and almost running the damned group.

I think if you pay a reasonable amount, you can't be expected to set up, make snacks/drinks and tidy away too.

I was in your position and gave up after 10 months of doing it by myself, when my youngest was screaming for me whilst I was in the kitchen washing up all the plates / bowls etc. no one bothered to pick her up and comfort her or bring her to me and not for the first time. I had attended this group for 4 years and helped out each time i had been (except when I had a tiny newborn)
I flounced out and picked her up.
I handed the keys to the nearest person sat chatting and said "I'm off, I'm sure you can sort this out"
Never set foot in the place again.
I got an email from another mum a few weeks later saying there was to be a rota and if we all did our bit, it could continue. I replied saying i had done my bit and wouldn't be going on the rota but i would definitely attend.
It closed.

Actually re reading your op- you have 50 members! do they all regularly attend?

I would start looking for a smaller venue or if that is not possible explain that the group is too large and it needs reducing for the benefit of the children.

Then explain that numbers will need limiting and places will be offered to those who have assisted with the running of the group initially (made a active contribution in the past for eg set up/tidy up), followed by a 'random' allocation of invitations with the rest on the 'waiting list'.

Once you have a a smaller number get them all onto a rota to help with the running of the group. Making it a smaller group should help with cohesion and hopefully they will naturally take on a more active role.

Crikey, you all really do know a shower of shites. I may moan about our village but the toddler group was not like that.

"I think if you pay a reasonable amount, you can't be expected to set up, make snacks/drinks and tidy away too."

But... Most payments just cover hall hire, toys and a few biscuits.