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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want my MIL involved in my social media?

64 replies

dodgykeeper · 23/04/2014 20:24

We have made several big moves over the years as have many of my friends from uni so I now have friends all over the place in several different time zones so sites like Facebook are really important to me and my family. My MIL 'likes' and makes comments on EVERYTHING. It's embarrassing and I hate it so I post less and less. I had been using twitter and Instagram instead but she has found me on there now too. She does the same to our 14yr old dd. I did one of those review things and it showed that she commented 4x more than anyone else on my Facebook page last year. She's a nice person but I'm really startup to hate her, and then I feel guilty for feeling that way!

OP posts:
AMillionNameChangesLater · 23/04/2014 20:25

Limit what she can see?

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 23/04/2014 20:25

Oh cripes, same here, drives me mad... I'm watching for a solution!!

yellowdinosauragain · 23/04/2014 20:26

Set her to be an aquaintance. Then set most of your posts to go to close friends only and only family aid to everyone. Or just enough to everyone so she doesn't suspect

HecatePropylaea · 23/04/2014 20:27

You can set it so that she cant see anything.

Sunnydaysablazeinhope · 23/04/2014 20:30

I hate my mil on fb. It's spying. Fine if dh wants her on his but I padlocked the gates. She's been locked out so I have to include her or tag her for her to see. Just hate it.

Joylin · 23/04/2014 20:31

Very annoying, I put all the inlaws on restricted because they were taking over my page with excessive likes, unwanted comments and sharing my pictures, it's so creepy. They can't see anything that's not public.

HeartStarCircleSquare · 23/04/2014 20:32

Yes, do what yellow said. It'd not as obvious because you can let her occasionally see your posts (the suitable stuff) so it looks like she is on your normal page.

Or tell her you are taking a break from fb and closing your account.

Delete her/ block her and then change you FB name so she doesn't see you or know who you are and continue to post as normal

girlwhowearsglasses · 23/04/2014 20:33

Exactly as above, set groups for different things. My MIL and FIL haven't spoken for thirty years and I have to 'share out' pictures of their DGCs so that neither can see or post on same one or they get upset.....

Spotsondots · 23/04/2014 20:38

My MIL's friend request has been pending for 5 years for precisely this reason! There's no way I'm ever clicking 'accept' on that bad boy! You definitely need to filter what she can see!

Original poster
dodgykeeper · 23/04/2014 20:52

I have groups set up and restrict what she sees, even though that can be a hassle. She found out that I do this (I think my SIL told her but don't know if it was deliberate). Another problem is I really like Instagram for sharing photos and there is no way to limit someone once they are following you! Same with Twitter. Plus I hate that she feels entitled to comment on my neighbour choosing to pay for chemo for her dog or my dd's friends choice of prom dress.

OP posts:
WeeClype · 23/04/2014 21:44

My MIL is the same, always leaving comments on my photos or status but I just delete it as she doesn't actually know what she's doing.

sanityawol · 23/04/2014 21:51

My MIL friended me on FB. I had no choice but to accept her as a friend... but she just thinks that I don't post much on there.

I do, but I just have her on my restricted list - she can only see stuff I make 'public'.

Ideally I wouldn't have her as a friend, but this way avoids a major diplomatic incident. Grin

LadyMaryLikesCake · 23/04/2014 21:53

My mother's on FB. She also 'likes' everything and she'll post to random people but she posts it as a status update rather than on their wall, so it will be things like "grat buk Jon". It does feel as though she's snooping, she could just call Confused She also has a bit of a spelling issue so her posts can be very difficult to read.

sanityawol · 23/04/2014 21:55

Just read your last post.

my response to that would be to delete and block her (and anyone else who might let things slip), then tell her you are tired of the adverts / spamming so you have deactivated your account. But then I'm a miserable cow. Grin

napoleonsnose · 23/04/2014 21:55

I have both my DM and MIL as friends on FB. For things I don't want them to see, I just change the posting settings to custom and add them to the list of people who are excluded. I think you only need to do it once and it will stay with those settings until you decide to change them.

MistressDeeCee · 23/04/2014 21:56

Shockat MIL on FB. Almost everyone on my FB is of my own generation. & people I've chosen to be FB friends with, I might add. Why is it so many can't seem to say a gentle 'No' to MILs (or even a jokey excuse then 'oh Im not on there much' etc..) then land on here complaining about them? This one has surprised me tho...

littledrummergirl · 23/04/2014 22:07

I think I am lucky at the moment, although I set mil up( she wants to be part of it) she only uses it when I am with her.
My dm has had to be taken to task though, she liked a friend confirmation of ds1 (13). I had to tell her that it wasnt the done thing. Ds1 has also been good at telling her if she has made mistakes like that. They use chat.
We have a very good relationship though.

weneedtotalkaboutshriver · 23/04/2014 22:16

Speaking as a DMiL I can honestly say I would rather DIE than have my DDiL as a FB friend, though she a lovely little thing. She just wouldn't get the half of what me and my FB friends are in stitches about.

Having said that, and I am not saying this is the case with you OP or anyone else on here, but it seems a bit weird that loads of people have FB 'friends' in their hundreds but worry about letting close family get too close!

magimedi · 23/04/2014 22:21

I am a MIl - and am not on FB, as have always thought I should leave it to DS & DIL - it's their thing, not mine.

marshmallowpies · 23/04/2014 22:27

DH told MIL not to add me on FB - this was before we even had children - as I wasn't friends with any of my own family on there, he said 'please don't add marshmallow on there, her family don't do FB, it's just her friends and she'd like to keep it that way'.

She still added me anyway, and I felt duty bound to accept. Hmm

Most of the pics of DD I put up there I only share with 'close friends', and MIL isn't in my 'close friends'. I feel a bit bad about it but if I didn't do that she'd like and comment on every single photo and share them with all her friends, most of whom I don't know from Adam. It has made me massively reduce the amount I put on FB now, though - I don't use it for sharing innermost thoughts now, just for stalking people.

I do find the same with DH's best friend and his wife, though, who I don't know very well (they live abroad) - I put them in my 'close friends' group because, well, they are his closest friends...but they 'like' every single photo I put up, and also any photo I am tagged in...it feels like they're watching my every move and it's a bit creepy! I think they think they're just being super-friendly and nice, though.

WyrdByrd · 23/04/2014 22:59

YANBU.

Thankfully my MIL has no interest in FB, but I've certainly had some fun and games with my own mum since she joined just over a year ago.

We've had a couple of major rows over inappropriate comments she's made, and I've temporarily restricted her on a couple of occasions. I also had to show her how to sorry our her privacy settings after she posted a pic of DD which was commented on by various randoms (friend of friend of my lovely but distant cousin who we hadn't seen for years).

Tbf I think a lot of the issues we've had are down to a lack of understanding exactly how public FB is, even if it's just within your own circle of friends. Combine that with a 74 year old Daily Mail reading, UKIP supporter with a slight lack of filters and it's bound to get interesting Hmm Grin.

She's not so bad these days - occasionally gives me reason to cringe, but she's learning!

Original poster
dodgykeeper · 23/04/2014 23:01

I was ok with having her on Facebook as I could control it to certain extent and I could still share/vent on twitter and Instagram. Now she's following me on those too I feel she has crossed the line. It took her less than 3 minutes from joining Instagram to start commenting on photos! I have deleted my account and same on twitter. You would think that would send a message but apparently not! I wish I could speak to her about it but she would get upset and their upcoming visit would be awkward (they came for a surprise visit last year and stayed almost 7 wks; husband at work, kids at school, just me and them, every day)
I may go search Pintrest (where I am desperately trying to hide with a false name and a picture of a potato) for a DIY straight jacket pattern!!

OP posts:
marshmallowpies · 24/04/2014 07:54

Oh and it drives me mad how MIL has never got the hang of tagging people or writing on their walls - she is always wishing people happy birthday by writing on her OWN wall and not tagging the person so they won't see it! She has been told they probably won't see the post if she doesn't tag them but she just doesn't listen!

My DM on the other hand is on FB now but in an official capacity for a charity she's involved with, so she doesn't want many RL friends on there, just colleagues. I had to show her how to unfriend people who had added her and hide people who post too often and were getting on her nerves.

ConfusedPixie · 24/04/2014 07:58

My aunt is the same. Comments more if you ignore her and would comment something completely irrelevant. I set all of my posts to "friends only except aunty x". Solved the issue!

MiaowTheCat · 24/04/2014 08:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.