To not want my MIL involved in my social media?

[dodgykeeper]

We have made several big moves over the years as have many of my friends from uni so I now have friends all over the place in several different time zones so sites like Facebook are really important to me and my family. My MIL 'likes' and makes comments on EVERYTHING. It's embarrassing and I hate it so I post less and less. I had been using twitter and Instagram instead but she has found me on there now too. She does the same to our 14yr old dd. I did one of those review things and it showed that she commented 4x more than anyone else on my Facebook page last year. She's a nice person but I'm really startup to hate her, and then I feel guilty for feeling that way!

This makes me sad, I have two DSs....and a DD. I love having a glass of wine with my lovely intelligent, interesting MIL, she's an only child like me, we live far away but DH will ring her to chat on his commute.....she is in our lives.

Maybe I should pin all my hopes on DD [hmmm]

Luckily my DM and Dmil are way to old to know how to switch on a computer, let alone use Fb or Instagram! However I am old enough to be a DMil myself though I had my DC late so it wont be an issue for a decade or so, and like Kurri said, I would hope to be treated like any other FB friend by any future DIL (if she agreed to being FB friends). I thought it was generally seen as a good thing when 'friends' like or comment on your posts, but I guess this doesn't apply to MILs!

But MILs/parents who are treated like a normal person and a friend are presumably treated that way because they are nice and have a clue about how to behave! Of course there will be lovely MIL/DIL relationships and DILs who are happy to have their MILs on FB.

This thread isn't saying that all MILs should be banished off FB for being MILs. It's their intrusive and inappropriate behaviour. We would all love to have lovely, humane, kind mums and MILs, but not everyone has that. To those of who who are that kind of MIL, that is great and I really hope I can be like you one day.

But I'm not going to let my mum off the hook, for example, for making racist, vacuous and nasty comments, just because she's my mum or just because she's the older generation who somehow should automatically be respected and included. No.

If you want to be respected by the younger generation when you're old, maybe you have to be nice, have some sense of boundaries and respect other people too.

Yes I agree Rose that ANYONE who embarrasses you on FM should be deleted, including DMs and DMils.

FM??? FB

My DSs partner of 3 years has me on FB. Lovely, lovely young woman and she is one of my most frequent commenters. That's nice.

I also still have his previous girlfriend, her mum, dad and sister. I "liked" the photos of her growing baby bump, I'm very happy for her, her mum "likes" lots of my photos. People may find that weird but she was very much in our family for almost 4 years and I don't see why I should cut her out just because she isn't with my son anymore. Both DS and current partner are completely fine with it. I hope I am a good MIL and MIL to be. I'm going to have to stop the drunken selfies though, it could be embarrassing now I'm a grandma

I changed my settings after my MIL put a comment on a photo saying "3 of my beautiful grandchildren" even tho there was 5 of her grandchildren in the album I had just uploaded......instead of commenting on the actual photo she left it on the album, making it look like she was leaving out 2 of the grandchildren.

You need to be more forceful with her, especially over things like telling her how long she can stay for not being passive and leaving the decision up to her.
Agree re changing privacy settings and I'd use facebook less and not be worried about upsetting people if you don't friend them.

I guess it does depend very much on your existing relationship with your parents or other relatives...I adore my parents and I would say we are pretty close, but I don't share all my life with them and I'm sure they don't with me. They don't know much about my close friends post-university, for instance, and only met some of my closest friends for the first time at my wedding.

I appreciate the fact that they respect my privacy and don't demand to know about all aspects of my life. My MIL is very different from my DM and adjusting to that has been challenging. (DH is also quite a private person but of course he is used to his mum and just rolls his eyes & laughs when something she says annoys him). We are also both aware that in our case there is more to it than this: MIL is sadly estranged from one of her other children, and so DH and I are very aware that we and her grandchildren are filling a very large gap in her life left by someone else being absent, which feels overwhelming at times: again, DH has had years of dealing with this issue, for me it's still quite a new thing.

And yes, I'm aware there is a cognitive dissonance between me 'valuing my privacy' and 'being on Facebook'. It's definitely a contradiction - but that's the benefit of the privacy controls, I can choose who sees what.

It would appear that the MILs think I am wrong. I do understand why which was why I asked if I was being unreasonable. I know liking things isn't that bad but it's been 5years on Facebook and now spreading to other medias. It's like the slight rubbing that eventually causes a blister.
FYI my MIL would tell you we have a great relationship because I work hard to give her that for my dh and dcs. I skype her twice a week so she always feels part of our lives and knows what were up to. Also my mum is on Facebook and doesn't behave in that way.

I don't think you are wrong. It sounds as if she oversteps the boundaries sometimes and doesn't realise what an imposition it can be, constantly liking and commenting. As if she's spying or prying.

But you can do something about it. You can limit who sees your stuff and only post certain things for her benefit. Yes I'm a MIL, but I am also a DIL and my MIL drives me potty so I do get it. It's just sometimes on here there's a general feeling of MIL bashing and some of us aren't so bad

I think one problem is that your inlaws aren't really your family, they are the person you married's family. I have grown up with my own relatives and am more inclined to share stuff with them than my inlaws.
I think if both DIL and MIL are happy with this then fine, but when I'm an MIL I can't see me requesting to be a facebook friend or whatever of my SIL/DIL. If they ask me I may accept but I do think MILs pushing for it are imposing. Why not just be your son or daughter's facebook friend?

I didn't accept my MIL friend request as she is a worrier and I didn't want her to be phoning me if I posted an "argh" status or was annoyed about something, I did tell her why I was doing it though and she didn't mind :) I also ignored my aunt's request as she is a nosy busybody lol

I had this problem with my step mum. We're not close, haven't seen her for at least a year but on FB she seemed to comment on everything I put up. She also posted inappropriate innuendo type comments on my statuses and was generally annoying. I tried hiding her but she could still comment. I've also got my dad on there (who is fine) but everything she tagged him in I could see too. She started posting statuses about my dad stripping (he's 60 and I really didn't need that image!). In the end I blocked her, she didn't notice for a month but then all hell broke loose and she started texting me saying I had offended her. But my FB is now much more peaceful lol.