Money as wedding gift AIBU - an update

[GrumpyInYorkshire]

Some of you may remember my thread from a few months ago in which I asked whether I was being AIBU not to give cash as a wedding gift, because I was skint.

The couple had asked for cash, though not in a poem. I said I was nervous about giving cash as I would only be able to afford £10 or £20 and thought that would look stingy.

I got lots of responses, varying from telling me to give a heartfelt gift instead, to giving a small amount of cash, to cancelling going to the wedding and giving the happy couple the cash I would have spent on a hotel as a gift.

Anyway. What I chose to do was give them a personal gift with a handwritten note saying how touched I was to share their special day with them etc.

The upshot? Not even a thank you. I'm not bothered about formal thank you cards, but no text, facebook message, anything.

So all of you who said they wanted cash and cash alone were, indeed, correct! All this "presence over presents" stuff in the invitation was bollocks.

Well you live and learn eh!

With all the time and organisation that goes into a wedding it seems very rude to ignore this basic courtesy

Exactly - but of course few people will accept that their behaviour is rude; they'd rather tell everyone else they're being unreasonable instead

The poster who said some brides think mainly of the wedding an not the marriage is quite right, but that doesn't mean everyone else has to admire their approach

golden my thoughts on recieving a wicker heart and cushion would have been...
"oh not more tat to fill my cupboards that can never be thrown away as it was a wedding present"
But then my wedding list had items for £2.50 on it, but we were young and actually needed stuff for our empty house, these days we have trouble thinking of stuff we need for under £20

I have let every single relative and friend know that ornaments are now 1 in 1 out as our house is full. please give me consumables.

I have only ever had one thank you after a wedding so don't expect it!
I give cash if no list or a present from the list if there is one. Generally I give around £50 to £100 so not huge gifts.

Unfortunately i have not received a thank you from the last 4 weddings i have attended. I also always gave what was requested - ie vouchers, honeymoon donation or gift selected from gift list. I have found it quite upsetting really. Once i said to the groom after, 'oh did you get the x i gave you for your wedding? (as i was worried it hadn't arrived)' and he said 'yeah yeah, got it' nodded and that was that. No 'oh yeah, cheers by the way' or anything. It was a wedding i had taken a day off work to attend (unpaid) and had had to stay in a hotel. More fool me.

I also think cards thanking people for attending, while lovely, are not thank yous for the gift and I would still think it was polite to send an actual thank you for the actual gift. So i would find that rude too i'm afraid.

At my first wedding i didn't know what people had given till we returned from honeymoon, so of course thanked everyone on the day for attending and then wrote individual gift cards to each person who gave us a gift.

At my second wedding there was no need for thank you cards because no fucker gave us anything!

Obviously it is bad manners not to write a personalised thank you letter for a present after a wedding.

But it is almost as bad to make a big deal out of it if you are the giver. Of course, you can seethe inwardly. But you should keep your opinions to yourself. You can't know what's happened - maybe your thank you letter got lost in the post?

And the idea that people should be thanked just for coming to the wedding afterwards is absurd!!

The other funny one is to tout for guests to buy the couple an 'experience' on honeymoon.

One poster here even wrote of how it would be on their honeymoon abroad, staring longingly at diners in the 'nicer' restaurants they wouldn't be able to afford without these vital 'contributions'.

The thought, 'Maybe we should have a cheaper honeymoon' never crossing their minds.

We're still waiting for a thankyou card or text or email or anything for a cash gift at a wedding 11 MONTHS ago. They are a really lovely, amazing family, so I can't actually believe they haven't sent one.

Seems to go hand in hand with hugely expensive weddings micromanaged to the Nth degree
Whenever I hear a bride to be saying they can't afford to get married yet I think that they really mean they can't afford an OTT wedding and aren't that bothered about getting married and all that entails, just the day. Sadly, these also seem to be thes least likely to send timely thank you letters