to wonder why Mumsnet is obsessed with boys wearing girls clothes?

[eatmoremoveless]

Honestly, you know YANBU, you know everyone will say YANBU, anyone who dares to say YABU will be soundly told off so why bother?

There are so many threads about can I put my son in a dress, tights, pink, florals ... YANBU. You're a right-on, trendy, liberal parent. WE GET IT.

But by now, tedious is what it is: tedious and boring.

Probably, yes, usual. Because the usual (!) objection for it is steeped in homophobia, stereotypes and prejudice, which is offensive and wrong.

I have slightly more sympathy with the concerns about bullies but that's the individuals call to make.

But in any case, I'm not talking about threads that ask, 'my son is wearing a Disney dress, how can I handle any snide comments' - it is the threads that ask 'aibu to let my son wear a Disney dress' - when the answer is invariably no, YANBU.

Which they aren't. But I suspect most of the posters know that.

But if you let your son wear a disney dress an you hadnt equipped him up to understand or deal with any comments which may be more damaging than denying him this particualr choice then YABU. Also as a parent are you equipped to deal with looks and comments.

Tbh honest I wouldn't want to attract attention I think life is hard enough for my DS(8) who seem to struggle socially. Howver if it was my DD I' be fine she kick their ass if anyone questionned her choices - she is fierce!

I've got a picture of my Dad taken in about 1953 of my Dad playing in the garden wearing a dress a cowboy hat and gun and pushing a toy pram.

I don't think my Nana and her fellow parents were into child centred parenting

In my earlier years, I agonised over whether to have children or not as I was worried about the ramifications of raising them in a same-sex relationship. I was very worried about them being bullied because of me.

Really though, I've concluded that what draws bullies isn't being gay, or having gay parents, or dresses or Disney or anything in particular. The most terrifying thing to a bully is self confidence, and if wearing a dress gives a kid of either gender confidence, go for it. Unless he's 18 and about to sit his A levels

Serially though, who cares why they're started.
Why don't you just hide them? Why let them rile you so much?

There's at least 4 million benefit bashing threads a year.
They give me the froths so I hide them.

There's also endless threads about parking/inlaws/weaning/BF/SAHPs/Smoking/butt sex, they don't interest me so I hide them.

MN isn't static, it's constantly evolving, constantly gaining new members and losing old ones. It's the nature of the beast. Stuff will always be repeated, that's not going to change.

Make friends with the hide button, it improves the whole MN experience immeasurably.

andsmile do you really think parents of a child who goes against gender stereotypes don't worry about bullying and try to prepare their child for the judgemental shits that there are in this world?! Ime we care very much and do our damdest to help prepare them and support them.

But the whole 'you are setting them up to be bullied' is more victim blaming shit. The problem doesn't lie with children who are a bit different, it lies with the bullies and the adults they are copying who reinforce this gender stereotyping and don't teach their children to be accepting of difference. ime most children are accepting, esp when little but as they get older and stereotypes get more reinforced by parents who teach their kids to conform and the overwhelming culture of media and advertising etc that reinforces stereotypes then we are forcing an awful battle.

Gender stereotypes are damaging for all children, boys and girls, it's gotten worse and worse in recent years, maybe that's why there are more threads seeking reassurance? When ny ds1 was little the whole pink/blue divide was no where near as prevalent, it's got worse and that's not a good thing.

Och, they don't rile me particularly Randall. I did roll my eyes when I saw another one this evening, and had a brief 'ffs' moment, which is about the extent of my annoyance

I sometimes do the same with some of the other threads you mention. I suppose the difference is that the others elicit more varied viewpoints, while to me the 'AIBU to let DS wear a dress' seem to follow an identical formula. I do find it buttock-clenchingly embarrassing when people seem to post to try to elicit praise and approval but accept that's my issue.

I think you are right eat bullies pick on kids who they perceive to be vulnerable. DH is coloured and when we talked about marriage and kids he asked about coping with a child who may get bullied because of his skin colour - we did not live in a diverse area at the time. I do think it is about building the person from within to be confident and learn coping strategies.

My DS is vulberable socially but he is quite clever and has a stong sense of right and wrong, he gets by but not always easily IYKWIM. So personally I would want to see him attract any attention for any reason as he isnt always able to shrug things off. My DD is another story.

5mad No of course I don't think that I said it would be unreasonable of a parent not to prepare them for all that. So to a flightily laid back type of a parent who may not of addressed such issue I would say YABU. I think thi s is what I said ^^.

You are right children learn stereotypes they then reinforce this themselves - I cant remember what ages the research showed this as emerging but it is seemingly evidence in watching children play. It is the same with other aspects of identity.

So if you don't care, why start this thread?
I thought the whole point was that you found them 'tedious and boring' and wanted to shout about the fact that we all get it.

Every single poster sees countless threads that make them eye roll every day. Hiding is the answer. Honestly. Don't let to raise your blood pressure.

As I said, I had an eye-rolling 'FFS another one!' moment.

It doesn't mean I sit raging for hours on end when someone posts a thread that makes me do the above! My OP was meant to convey exasperation rather than anger!

Ah well, they are better than the spanking troll!

Oh god, don't start about the bloody spanking troll

Give me a hundred parking threads any day.

Your response to it really made me laugh to be honest! clearly I need a life!

i never knew there was a spankng troll

Eh barely seen any of those threads. To me there seem to be an awful lot about food/fatness/eating/clothes size issues and family rows. The latter I suppose is understandable on a forum which is aimed at families/parents, the former makes me feel like most people are a bit fucked up as it clearly becomes an obsession for so many of them, when I think it's more natural to not give a damn what other people eat or what size they are. But then I suppose this could be my bias as I was brought up by a mother who had food/body hating issues so possibly I notice it, and perhaps you just notice the gender/fashion type ones.

Nah, there are a lot about being fat as well!

People always start by saying they are huge and then reveal they are at least 10lbs lighter than me! Should diet, really.

On a serious note, sorry to hear about your mother.

I just typed the first thing that came into my head tbh

My report to HQ only said 'dear lord'.

It was a bit much for a Monday afternoon wasn't it.

I don't know but it sure isn't healthy-YUCK!.

Has this thread been started to deliberately target a certain person? If you don't wanna read it don't open the thread. Or shall we now start a list of topics no one allowed to start?

Its a bit rich to get on your high horse to MrsDV when 90% of your posts have had a nasty bitchy tone tbh OP.

Ok maybe 50% but 90% of posts to her were.

I don't think people say these things to be trendy and liberal btw. I think they have strong beliefs about not restricting what kids wear according to gender.

Or their kids just like pink stuff. So what?

Do you know what winds me up?

Let me tell you.

Threads stating MN is one thing, an entity that thinks the one unified thought.