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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Refused a seat to feed babies aibu?

110 replies

SoonToBeSix · 21/04/2014 14:30

I don't think I abu but am interested to know if I am wrong . I went to a busy tourist attraction and needed to feed my newborn twins. There were several picnic tables but not were empty. One table had a single lady sat at a table that would seat eight people. I went to the table and started to sort out my twins bottles. The lady announced that my husband could not sit at the table( I had a mobility scooter ). I said my babies are hungry and need feeding. She repeated that he could not sit at the table as she was saving it for her family that also included hungry babies.
I said she shouldn't reserve whole tables but her tone was so unpleasant that I felt intimidated and left the table.
Was I unreasonable in expecting the lady to share her table?

OP posts:

brokenhearted55a · 21/04/2014 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Forgettable · 21/04/2014 18:53

Ach cut OP some slack ye vipers

Newborn twins, sleep all to cock, baby brainfog; don't any of you remember that awful panicky omg baby wants fed (two in this instance) feeling

OP congratulations on your new babies

Goblinchild · 21/04/2014 19:00

I do, and if the internet had existed back then, I'd have been too knackered to post a whinge on it.

AlpacaYourThings · 21/04/2014 19:02

OP, congratulations on your twins.

Yes, I think the other lady could have been more courteous to you.

However, I think she wanted to avoid my confusion by by just letting you sit there and then asking you to move hen her family came.

If it was a day out in a busy place, she could have been stressed by it all. You could have been the 10th person to try and sit at the table.

You were both being a bit unreasonable, might just be one to let go

ikeaismylocal · 21/04/2014 19:10

I don't think feeding a baby requires a seat, I breastfed ds and would feed him standing up or sitting on the floor if there were no seats free, I wouldn't imagine giving a bottle was much different.

I think you should have asked if your dp could sit there, if she said no your dp could have stood or sat on the floor.

wolfofwestfieled · 21/04/2014 19:13

"Yes but there are some places that arent suitable for newborns.....that was one of them"

motherofmonster · 21/04/2014 20:12

best to ask before you presume.
by just starting to unpack i can see why she was sharp with you to be honest

brokenhearted55a · 21/04/2014 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Figster · 21/04/2014 20:44

Yabu

You had a seat
You were rude to try edge into that table without asking
Why couldn't dh sit on ground to feed baby? Sounds like there would be nice grassy areas?
Why couldn't he do the bottle faff?
Also agree that maybe it wasn't the best place to be on a busy weekend?

You sound very entitled.

Nennypops · 21/04/2014 21:12

To be fair, I don't really see how DH could sit on the ground unless they have a waterproof sheet - it's still pretty saturated and there was a lot of rain yesterday in some parts of the country.

It's actually one of those occasions when direct breastfeeding would have been a much better option.

TheRealYellowWiggle · 21/04/2014 21:21

Newborn twins and (presumably) a disability, and yet the OP is "entitled" for taking them out in public and needing a table to sort out her bottles?
I agree she would have been better to ask first, but the rest of the negativity being heaped on her I cannot understand!
OP has not mentioned any other difficulties she had that day, could have had the same issue in any cafe, and yet she is told to stay away from the place she chose to visit. How odd.

BigBoobiedBertha · 21/04/2014 21:23

Yes, you should have asked to join the table first, it would have stopped all the angst and the avalanche of YABU's but I do think the other woman is being unreasonable too.

It is one of my pet hates, people taking tables when they don't actually need them. Our local M&S cafe used to drive me potty - some lunchtimes there would be about 30% of the tables being used by one person sat there with no food or drink, waiting for somebody at the back of a very long queue to bring their food, whilst at the same time there were people already with their food trying to find a seat before their food got cold and not being able to sit down. So inconsiderate to sit at tables if you don't need them when others do. M&S did try to instigate a policy of getting people not taking a table before they had their food but it was ignored. Maddening. Anyway, I don't think the woman should have been holding a table for all that time. If she really had been asked 10 times if people could sit down, as some of you are speculating, you'd think she would have taken the hint and got out of the way of people who had an immediate need but clearly she was too selfish for that. If you were the first person to ask then really, was there any reason to be quite so mean?

Anyway, congratulations on your twins OP. Just remember to ask next time and hope you meet somebody with a few more manners.

Pipbin · 21/04/2014 23:38

I agree with the unfairness of holding tables. I stopped going to our local M&S cafe for that reason. The person at the front of the queue is the next to find a table, not someone who has just waltz in and sent someone else off to join the queue.

Strikeuptheband · 21/04/2014 23:54

OP, depends how long you were out, but both my DCs were fed by mostly expressing (one DC could latch on a bit for comfort), and EBM is fine at room temperature for at least 6 hours. Will your babies take their milk at room temperature? Might be easier for you if the milk is in a bottle with a lid and you don't need to mess about then?
But yes, I could see why you needed a seat. And think some are being a bit harsh on someone who clearly has a lot going on .

Caitlin17 · 22/04/2014 00:02

The table hoggers annoy me too, especially in places like M&S cafe where the system falls down if table hoggers ignore the signs asking them not to.

TheFarceAndTheSpurious · 22/04/2014 00:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BigBoobiedBertha · 22/04/2014 09:23

I personally don't have a problem with people sitting down if they need to - the elderly, infirm or those with very small children - but more often than not there is nothing wrong the people who bag the tables. You see them wandering around the shop later and they are fine. I know all about hidden disabilities too but that isn't really an excuse for that many.

The woman didn't need the table because the rest of the family weren't there. The OP may have been rude but the woman was selfish and rude.

What I didn't realise is that you aren't allowed to take out newborns out. Who knew?!

Nennypops · 22/04/2014 09:39

The thing is, though, that if you are part of a large group you really have to grab the empty table when it is there, because in a busy venue your chances of finding one once everyone has been served are fairly tiny. There will then potentially be 8 of you wandering around hopelessly carrying trays trying to find somewhere where you can sit down together.

I don't understand where Bertha gets the idea that the other woman had been holding the table for "all that time"? There's nothing in the original post to indicate that she hadn't sat down seconds before the OP turned up.

londonrach · 22/04/2014 09:44

Yabu. Sitting down without asking is very rude. She rudely replied to your rude behaviour. Therefore both yabu and yanbu. Next time ask and you might have got a different response like my family will be joining me soon but you can use it until they do. You were very entitled just thinking you can sit down. Manners!

LouiseAderyn · 22/04/2014 09:54

Objecting to 'table hoggers' is only reasonable if the establishment takes control of seating and ensures that people wandering around with trays get somewhere to sit and eat. If they are not going to do this then I will continue to seat my family while one or two of us queues, otherwise we risk paying a lot of money for food and having nowhere to eat it.

Cafés are not offering refunds if you can't find a table, so people are going to nab tables first.

BigBoobiedBertha · 22/04/2014 11:03

I'm sure they will still take tables they don't need but doesn't make it any the less unreasonable or selfish. Marks and Spencers did try and enforce the rules but I suspect they got a mouthful off the rude people too often and anyway, they always have the work cut out clearing off tables and didn't have time to teach basic common sense and manners.

I assumed the woman was sat there for a reasonable amount of time because the OP wasn't in a race for the table, the woman was already sat down and had been while the OP was looking for a table. Also it was in response to other people who said that the woman was had probably already turned away 10 other people asking to share and had had enough. They assumed she had been there ages too.

It also makes no sense to me that 1 person should be sitting at the table and yet there are 7 other people including babies apparently standing in the queue for food. Surely you send a couple of people for food and the babies and the rest of the adults would be sat down waiting too? Makes me think they weren't going to be turning up any time soon which just makes her even more unreasonable.

Original poster

SoonToBeSix · 22/04/2014 14:53

Thanks to the people who were nice , either I haven't explained myself properly or I clearly am unreasonable . Like I said before though I did not sit at the table neither did my dh , he was stood a few metres away with the pram. Of course we would have asked not just sat down. My twins were both crying I was focused on quickly warming the milk is had not even taken anything out of my bag when the lady started saying aggressively that she was saving the table. I did not have chance to speak. Am quite upset people are assuming I am rude and entitled and plonked ourselves down at the table that was not what happened. I literally did not get chance to open my mouth. Yes I did think she was rude for not sharing her table and for her tone ( she was saving it for her daughter and what turned out to be two children) so there would have been plenty of room for my dh to perch on the end for ten minutes. There was no where suitable to sit on the floor.
And yes I have older dc who were looking at the animals at the time. It was perfectly suitable place to take my twins didn't realise I should stay in the house.

OP posts:

Original poster

SoonToBeSix · 22/04/2014 14:57

Have just reread my op and it's very badly written I do come across as rude my I really wasn't .

OP posts:

Forgettable · 22/04/2014 15:00

Have a rueful grin from me.

Chalk it up and plough on.

BigBoobiedBertha · 22/04/2014 16:09

No, don't worry about it. I am sure that the woman isn't stewing about it so don't let it get to you any more. Hope the rest of your day was enjoyable and uneventful.

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