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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refused a seat to feed babies aibu?

110 replies

SoonToBeSix · 21/04/2014 14:30

I don't think I abu but am interested to know if I am wrong . I went to a busy tourist attraction and needed to feed my newborn twins. There were several picnic tables but not were empty. One table had a single lady sat at a table that would seat eight people. I went to the table and started to sort out my twins bottles. The lady announced that my husband could not sit at the table( I had a mobility scooter ). I said my babies are hungry and need feeding. She repeated that he could not sit at the table as she was saving it for her family that also included hungry babies.
I said she shouldn't reserve whole tables but her tone was so unpleasant that I felt intimidated and left the table.
Was I unreasonable in expecting the lady to share her table?

OP posts:
Original poster
SoonToBeSix · 21/04/2014 15:31

Fuzzy I didn't necessarily but I needed to use the table to make up the bottles. My dh could have stood to feed the other twin yes but sitting down is easier and it was very crowded people were pushing and shoving.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 21/04/2014 15:32

I wasn't occupying the table though I needed a table to make up the bottles. Yes I was hoping my dh could sit at the table to feed one of the twins but the lady did not know this I could have just been I intending to make up the bottles and move on.

Yes you could have been intending to move on but you weren't, so that point is irrelevant really.

In fact, the woman at the table was perfectly correct in her assumption that you wanted to share the table wasn't she and she informed you that the seats were taken.

OP are you ever going to answer my question about how this is a thread about you needing a seat?

FuzzyWuzzywasaWoman · 21/04/2014 15:32

I'm still confused why you needed a table though, how are you making up the bottles?

TheMaw · 21/04/2014 15:39

I don't get why you didn't say 'do you mind if I use your table for a sec? I just have to make up my babies' bottles' or 'are these seats taken?'

Original poster
SoonToBeSix · 21/04/2014 15:44

Fuzzy the breast milk was in a cool bag with an ice pack I needed to pour boiling water out of a flask into a bowl and put the bottles in the bowl to warm them, not very easy mid air!

OP posts:
Original poster
SoonToBeSix · 21/04/2014 15:46

Fair I meant my dh needed a seat , the maw I was just about too but she didn't give me chance.

OP posts:
RuthlessBaggage · 21/04/2014 15:47

She jumped in quick before you'd got too settled, so you didn't have to pack up again to move on.

You were probably the tenth person to try to share the table, if it was that busy.

WooWooOwl · 21/04/2014 15:49

From what you have said you are kidding yourself if you think this woman didn't give you a chance to ask. You could have asked straight away, before you started looking in your bag for the bottle paraphernalia, and before you positioned yourself somewhere you could have used the table.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 21/04/2014 15:49

Gosh what a faff - I thought BFing was supposed to be the least faffy option for feeding out and about!

Original poster
SoonToBeSix · 21/04/2014 15:50

Yes probably but she didn't say sorry this table is taken she was very aggressive in her tone.

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 21/04/2014 15:50

The time to ask would have been before you stared using the table, not after.

MiaowTheCat · 21/04/2014 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairenuff · 21/04/2014 15:54

Ok, so to recap, you are asking 'AIBU to want my husband to have a seat to feed one of our babies'?

It's not unreasonable for him to want a seat but there weren't any available. Where did he eventually sit to feed the baby?

FuzzyWuzzywasaWoman · 21/04/2014 15:56

Oh my lord that does sounds like a right faff. I agree though you should have asked if someone was sat at table if it was okay to make up the bottles for a few moments, or found a quiet corner and done it on the floor when your dh came back. Is it not possible to do in the basket of your scooter? Sorry I say this as someone who has never used a scooter before.

ICanSeeTheSun · 21/04/2014 15:56

When my DC was small I bought a folding camping table

www.argos.co.uk/m/static/Product/partNumber/9278242/c_1/1%257Ccategory_root%257CSports+and+leisure%257C33006346/c_2/2%257C33006346%257CCamping+and+caravanning%257C33007546/c_3/3%257Ccat_33007546%257CCamping+chairs+and+tables%257C33016587.htm

Still use it now, don't have to worry about outdoor picnic tables.

You should have asked first.

Bloodyteenagers · 21/04/2014 15:59

Instead of starting to unpack all the stuff, you should have first spoke to the lady. By starting to unpack without conversation, it is assumed that you will be staying and using the space. It is assumed that your partner will be sitting at the table as well. Had either of you bothered to talk about your intentions of using the space to simply make the bottles, she wouldn't have been so inhospitable.

Next time, take a few moments and say excuse, is it ok if I use this end of table to prepare the babies bottles, and for us to feed the babies.

Plus by striking up a conversation, you can reassure the person that you aren't a cheeky fucker with a bigger group who isn't that far behind you.

Goblinchild · 21/04/2014 16:00

You were rude OP.
You should have asked her before getting settled in. You know that's true, because you have avoided answering the basic question.

wolfofwestfieled · 21/04/2014 16:03

It wouldn't have been unreasonable to ask, but I think you were rude to just sit there.

Quite apart from the space issue it just makes for an uncomfortable atmosphere when someone else plonks themselves down at your table without an exchange of words.

A lady plonked herself on the end of a tiny cafe table that DH and I were occupying once and started to feed her baby, shooting us a challenging look.

It was just awkward, we wouldn't have objected to sharing the table, but she was so combative in her manner. Where's the relaxation or enjoyment in that when you've come out to pay for someone else to make your lunch?

AreWeThereYeti · 21/04/2014 16:03

Sorry but it's another YABU. She was being snippy because you hadn't asked. It's normal and polite to ask even if it's fairly obvious there is space. I guess it was just a matter of you having your hands full and being focused on feeding the babies and forgetting to ask.

Ps congrats on the twins, does your username need updating to NowWeAreSix Wink

WooWooOwl · 21/04/2014 16:04

People do tend to use an aggressive tone of voice when someone is being blatantly rude to them.

WooWooo · 21/04/2014 16:29

YABU not to ask. Basic manners

Alisvolatpropiis · 21/04/2014 17:06

Yabu

brokenhearted55a · 21/04/2014 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pipbin · 21/04/2014 18:23

Why did you take new born twins to a busy tourist attraction in the first place? They weren't going to be getting much out of it were they?
I'm not saying that you should be stuck in the house but could you not think of anywhere else to go?
If I was sat at a table waiting for my family and someone said 'would you mind ever so if I just used the end of this table to make up a couple of bottles for my babies, then I would be happy. If you just turned up and started unloading I would be aggressive too.

I know this isn't going to win me any friends, but as someone who is childless I hate the sense of entitlement that comes from some mothers. There seems to be this 'get out of my way. I have a baby and therefore I'm for more important than you. I have a baby and no one has ever had a baby before' attitude.

wolfofwestfieled · 21/04/2014 18:41

"Why did you take new born twins to a busy tourist attraction in the first place? They weren't going to be getting much out of it were they?"

Going by her username I'm assuming she has other, older DC - perfectly fine to go on a day out for their benefit.