to be surprised they have been accepted to foster

[NachoAddict]

Dps ex and her partner have signed contracts to become foster parents, she has given up her job and from what she has said they are just waiting to be allocated two children.

I know its none of my business hence me speculating here and not in rl, but I am very surprised they have been accepted and wonder if they have been entirely truthful.

Main reasons are : Dsd is 5 years old, she is currently living in her 8th home, attending her 4th school and is living with her 3rd live in step dad. Surely if ex is incapable of providing a stable home life for her own dd, she doesn't have much hope of providing it for foster children either?

She and her partner met less than 2 years ago. Ex was visiting her mum in a priory type clinic when she met her partner on a smoking break. He was there being treated as an inpatient for a cocaine addiction.

She was pregnant within 3 months of meeting him and their relationship has been volatile since with them splitting up several times most recently November last year.

She relies heavily on mil for help with dsd and also now with her new dd. Since dsd was a baby she has spent several nights a week with mil, upto two weeks at a time. She also spends usually two nights a week with us, more at holidays and has overnight stays with her other nan. So basically she doesn't spend a lot of time with her mum. Why she would want to add extra children into the mix when she doesn't look after her own is beyond me.

So are fostering criteria really that lenient, am I being unreasonable to be surprised about this.

Interfering is good when a child is involved. I wish people had interfered when they were concerned about me.

I've had a particularly difficult time lately with a child and was feeling a bit defensive. Sorry, again

Me too, Plush, and I was defensive earlier in the thread too. One teenager recently has destroyed our home, almost destroyed one of our children, destroyed our faith in the whole system and cost us an absolutely fortune in financial terms.

Unfortunately my LA do not pay when carers have no children and we do not get respite - though thinking about it, we have never yet have been without a child! I would be interested to know which LA's pay £400 per week, as we are on the highest level (20 years experience of working with the most damaged, sometimes disabled children or those with very complex needs) and get approx. £140 a week. Until I came onto MN I always thought this was the norm so it is interesting that some LA's are more generous.

So, if I may dare to be defensive once again, I doubt any of carers with our LA do it for the money!!! LOL

And btw you are NOT interfering Nacho it is so important you do make that call when you can.

Oh my word Yellow that is so awful for you and your family. I have ni words of wisdom, as I have already said, its something I know I couldn't cope with at all. I hope you get plenty of support.

That's awful yellowribbons although we all really love what we do sometimes it is awful to feel unsafe in your own house (and to a lesser extent see things you love being destroyed).

As far as someone else looking after the foster children for you if you have to go out, in my LA they have recently changed it so it is totally up to the foster carer who they get to "babysit". It is no longer the LA's responsibility but ours. Unless you live in the foster carer's house they do not do any police checks etc.

The worst foster carer I met treated her two young primary school age children as lodgers. They weren't allowed to eat with her or watch Tv with the family. But I have met some very good ones.

Yellow ribbons you would be better off offering accomadation to post 16 in our area. Even 12hrs of low level support gets more than your fostering rate. Truely shocked how little your LA pays!

I am shocked by people on here saying they know foster carers who treat foster children badly.

I am most shocked at the fact nobody seems to be saying they have reported their concerns to social services.

I am a social worker, not a psychic.

op - you really do need to contact the assessing social worker and have an open. frank discussion. if you feel your concerns are not being listened to you need to write to the LA or fostering agency.

children in foster care have been through enough.

My LA pays under £150 p/w per child. I am currently looking after two siblings both of which have very challenging behaviour (including aggression towards us). I doubt if this family would be approved at panel here.

ceres I do not hesitate to report or pass on concerns. My feeling is the same as yours that these children in fc have been through enough (far too much) already.

ceres
I was speaking to another professional once and she said a SW told her that if they recruited enough foster carers they would get rid of half the foster carers they had. Sadly a bad foster carer is usually better than leaving them with their parents.
Sorry I feel like I'm giving foster carers a bad name. There are a lot of amazing, kind and nurturing foster carers around.

my test for placing a child is 'would I be happy for these people/person to care for my child'. if the answer to that is no then I make a damn good argument to look elsewhere.

there is a dire shortage of foster carers. but that does not mean that children should be placed/remain in placements that are not good enough. there is a world of difference between 'not ideal' and 'not good enough'.

if a concern/complaint is made about a foster carer then it is investigated.

unfortunately some people get approved who shouldn't be - on paper they can look ideal, they can talk the talk during assessment, have good references and pass all medicals and other checks, but, when it comes to it, they aren't good enough.

fostering panels work both ways - carers can be de-registered as well as registered.

it's easy to moan about bad social workers, foster carers etc. it's not so easy to do something about it - e.g. challenge poor practice, make your concerns known, become a foster carer or social worker.

there are regularly posts on here where people are told not to report concerns to social services. there are people on this thread who have posted 'I know a foster carer who....' and have not said whether they have reported their concerns.

I'm not surprised you don't want to be a foster carer or social worker. the system IS shit. but what is the answer? opting out isn't going to improve the system.

Yellow, my LA pays more in line with agencies (£240+ per week) because it's a tiny and expensive LA so hardly any foster carers to be recruited and they just couldn't afford for them all to be going to agencies.