to be surprised they have been accepted to foster

[NachoAddict]

Dps ex and her partner have signed contracts to become foster parents, she has given up her job and from what she has said they are just waiting to be allocated two children.

I know its none of my business hence me speculating here and not in rl, but I am very surprised they have been accepted and wonder if they have been entirely truthful.

Main reasons are : Dsd is 5 years old, she is currently living in her 8th home, attending her 4th school and is living with her 3rd live in step dad. Surely if ex is incapable of providing a stable home life for her own dd, she doesn't have much hope of providing it for foster children either?

She and her partner met less than 2 years ago. Ex was visiting her mum in a priory type clinic when she met her partner on a smoking break. He was there being treated as an inpatient for a cocaine addiction.

She was pregnant within 3 months of meeting him and their relationship has been volatile since with them splitting up several times most recently November last year.

She relies heavily on mil for help with dsd and also now with her new dd. Since dsd was a baby she has spent several nights a week with mil, upto two weeks at a time. She also spends usually two nights a week with us, more at holidays and has overnight stays with her other nan. So basically she doesn't spend a lot of time with her mum. Why she would want to add extra children into the mix when she doesn't look after her own is beyond me.

So are fostering criteria really that lenient, am I being unreasonable to be surprised about this.

If your DH has concerns then it's irresponsible of him not to share them with the SW.

It doesn't sound like they have actually been approved yet. You or your DP must call them and raise your concerns. Don't put the knife in but be honest.

I totally agree Testing we both assumed it would fall through and now it looks like it is happening he is putting off speaking to the social worker because of the implications for his own relationship with his dd. Ex often withdraws contact.

But by not speaking he's complicit in this. I get that he's worried about access but he would be very wrong to risk vulnerable children.

Ask to speak in confidence, explain concerns, don't tell anyone.

Fortunately, none of the issues that may raise concern depend on your DP's say so.

Flag them to the SW, say you'd like DP's involvement to be kept confidential, and leave them to the SW to check them all out. Either directly w schools, etc, or by asking SIL & partner for "routine information".

MrsDevere Maybe they aren't as far along in the process as she is making out and the baby will be older by the time it is complete? Or do they pre approve for a later date maybe? I'm not familiar with the process so am just going on what she is telling us.

If Dp doesn't speak to the social worker I will raise the concerns myself and ask to be kept anonymous.

Thanks for the link MrsDevere that's a bit confusing as I know they definitely have a social worker. I have spoken to him twice. Not sure how they have gotten around that one, not like they could hide a baby!

Given the drug history I would definitely make sure the SW is aware of it

Agree with what a pp said about fantasies of making money out of it.

It definitely is your business! As others have said, get in touch with social services and make sure you get the name of the person you report this to.

I assumed that young babies would be a no no for those reasons. I am sure children who need to be fostered have been through a lot and will need a lot of care and attention. They may have behaviour issues and lots of other problems?

Maybe the rules have relaxed as there is such a shortage? The agency they are using is the name of what they want to do, followed by the two letter abbreviation of this group of countries.

The social worker was supposed to ring at 12.30 to speak to do but hasn't rung yet. He has also cancelled a meeting previously so he doesn't seem all the reliable and dp is refusing point blank to ring him.

MrsDeVere, I thought that was for adoption? I thought with fostering it was more that the children were not supposed to be of similar age group to your own DC, rather than younger than them.

Although having your own baby/toddler is pretty intense so would have thought that would be a no (or at least a "try again in a few years".)

It sounds unlikely. My parents foster and it was not an easy process.

I can't believe they would be approved without your DP being intterviewed - has he no opinion about other children potentially living with his child?

If you have genuine concerns please keep on at SS.

Someone was applying to be foster carers. Concerns were raised by several persons comments and actions. SS decided to proceed anyway. Was a really really bad result. SS admitted they fucked up. Please keep on them. They can't shut their ears to genuine concerns. Well, they can but they shouldn't.

As a foster carer I would be astonished if this couple had been approved. The assessment period and the checks and references that are made are extremely thorough. Supervision is also ongoing.

To the person who said they may be doing it for the money. Well, this may be true if working for a private agency, but as a local authority carer nothing could be further from the truth. Budgets have been cut and when I recently took on three children with no belongings but the clothes they were wearing, there was no clothing grant as in previous years. I have had to use £1500 from my savings this year, just to keep the children fed and clothed decently and most of all in petrol costs. As well as being responsible for the children 24/7, at least 3 or 4 days each week is taken up with meetings, assessments, reviews and therapy sessions and every weekend taken up with taking them to contact sessions with their families. There is no time (or money) for anything else. Sorry, on a rant I know, just so hate that some people believe it is profitable, it really isn't.

I am wondering if its not just his ex exaggerating that they have been approved already, though she has given up her job and been on training days so something is certainly happening.

She said they want to talk to do as she has so much support from his family. MIL would be rubbing her hands in glee, if ex is struggling with extra foster children then dsd will get fobbed off onto her so she will love that.

I will speak to this social worker and see what happens.

Jelly - you were refused to be taken on as a foster carer because you have taken antidepressants in the past?

yellow - a neighbour has told another neighbour she is fostering for the money. I see her about and how she treats her birth children is so different from her foster children I despair of the vetting process. They are moving house to get a bigger one too..

I too would be totally surprised if this couple had been approved, but likewise would be worried in your position.
I do think you should contact ss, and also tell them why its you and not your dh. She will make contact difficult etc.
Anybody who thinks like this is not putting the well being of children foremost and shouldn't be fostering.