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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in-law wedding on birthday

125 replies

deliciouscitrus · 21/04/2014 11:44

I'm writing this for a friend.
My friends BIL and SIL to be have announced their wedding date for his birthday this year.
It's not a big deal if it were just one day, however In-laws are big anniversary celebration types.
And... every year from now until forever this day will not be his birthday, but BIL & SIL wedding anniversary.
(my friends in laws have a history of ignoring my friends preferences, and his family are abroad)

Is he being unreasonable to refuse to go to the wedding and come to our house for birthday cake instead?

OP posts:
LittleRedDinosaur · 21/04/2014 11:48

If your friend is 4 then maybe it would be understandable that they might get a bit sad at missing out on their birthday cake. If not then I think YABU

StetsonsAreCool · 21/04/2014 11:51

Yes of course he ibu. Is he a child? He doesn't have exclusivity on a date...

Close friends of ours are getting married on our wedding anniversary. Should we lose a 20 year friendship over it just so we don't have to share?

If his family live in a different country, are his birthday celebrations going to get hijacked every year? Or is he just going to get on and celebrate without them like he would if it wasn't someone's anniversary anyway?

Fairenuff · 21/04/2014 11:52

How old is he going to be?

CurlsLDN · 21/04/2014 11:52

Yes, unfortunately I do think your friend will have to accept this with good grace.

I completely understand why they might feel a bit put out, but I very much doubt the bride and groom planned it this way on purpose.

When booking my own wedding our chosen venue only had one weekend in summer available, so we had to snap it up. Only later did we realise it was the same day as a family members birthday. She didn't mind at all, and we made a fuss of her on the day. My dad opened his speech with 'thank you all for joining us.... At Xs birthday party.' Much laughter, We then gave her a gift, before moving on to the rest of the speech.
I'm sure your friend would love to spend their birthday their own way, but on this occasion they will be with all of their family, at a party costing (most likely) over £100 a head. Look at it that way and it's not so bad!

OwlCapone · 21/04/2014 11:55

Whether it is unreasonable very much depends on whether he is a petulant brat or not. I suspect that he isn't, in which case of curse he is unreasonable. Buy him a "birthday boy" badge to wear and encourage him to joke with the bride and groom that at least he won't forget their anniversary.

WaitMonkey · 21/04/2014 11:56

YABU.

Doinmummy · 21/04/2014 11:57

And... every year from now until forever this day will not be his birthday, but BIL & SIL wedding anniversary

Of course it will still be his birthday !

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 21/04/2014 11:57

I think he is being unreasonable. The wedding is a one off event. He should go a long to the wedding and celebrate his birthday the day before / after the wedding.
Though next year he would not be unreasonable to snub any anniversary stuff they plan, as his birthday trumps someone else's anniversary.

bluebeanie · 21/04/2014 11:58

He isn't a child. Unless it is a 'big' birthday, not many adults do a great deal to celebrate them.

He doesn't have to go to their anniversary parties each year.

pictish · 21/04/2014 11:59

He is being unreasonable, and utterly ridiculous to boot!
Unless your friend is 8 of course.

Assuming he is an actual adult, then really a show of Hmm faces is all that is required to put his upset to rest.
Pathetic.

Mintyy · 21/04/2014 12:00

I take it he's under 10 then?

Doinmummy · 21/04/2014 12:01

I am miffed that for 49 years I 'owned' my birthday and no one can ever do anything on that day without squaring it with me first!

LittleBearPad · 21/04/2014 12:01

He's being very childish, tell him to grow up

Fairenuff · 21/04/2014 12:02

In-laws are big anniversary celebration types.

Actually thinking about it, this works out in his favour. He now has the perfect excuse not to attend said anniversary celebrations each year - 'Oh, sorry I already have plans for my birthday. What a shame I can't make it this year...'

I would love that Grin

2468Motorway · 21/04/2014 12:03

My sil got married on my b-day and subsequently one of my children was born then. Your friend is very silly. I doubt they'll have a party every yr but so what if they do, you don't have to go.

My sil wedding was nice for me (Im not fussed about my birthday mind) as loads of people wished me happy birthday and I got more family cards and presents than usual.

What will your friend do if he has a child or a niece/nephew on his birthday? Refuse to celebrate?

This must be a reverse thread because it's so silly.

KurriKurri · 21/04/2014 12:04

I got married on my Uncle's birthday - he was very chuffed, and it means I always remember his birthday.

Refusing to go to a wedding (hopefully a once in a life time special day for his BIL and SIL) because it's on his birthday is seriously crazy. For one thing he'll get a free proper party this year on his birthday which someone else has entirely arranged and paid for. What's not to like?

fatowl · 21/04/2014 12:04

He IBU

My best friend got married on our 20th Anniversary (we married young- she and her dp took a while). There was a huge intake of breath from my MIL.
Me and DH didn't mind at all - got champagne we didn't have to pay for and said a silent toast to us as well! My dd17 was her Chief Bridesmaid.

CrazyOldCatLady · 21/04/2014 12:05

Yes, Motorway, it must be a reverse. The OP couldn't possibly be serious.

scarletforya · 21/04/2014 12:05

What?

Is this a reverse?

Your friend is being ridiculous. You say your friends in laws have a history of ignoring his preferences. I don't blame them, he sounds like a spoilt baby.

MorrisZapp · 21/04/2014 12:08

Yes it's so sad. When other things happen on your birthday, that means its never your birthday ever again.

That poor man.

SavoyCabbage · 21/04/2014 12:08

It will definitely still be his birthday. It would be great if you didn't get older if someone else got married on your birthday!

trixymalixy · 21/04/2014 12:10

WtF?!?!

Tell your friend to grow up!!!

Nanny0gg · 21/04/2014 12:17

Not quite the same, but my son and DiL got married the day before my birthday. So at midnight at the reception everyone sang Happy Birthday to me and on my actual birthday all family that came down for the wedding came out to lunch for my birthday.

Had a lovely time.

He is being U. Look at all the joint celebrations in the future (should he choose to spend the day with his in-laws, he doesn't have to!)

Famzilla · 21/04/2014 12:23

So he would refuse to go to his own siblings wedding because it's his birthday? Wow what a brat!

PatriciaKrenwinkel · 21/04/2014 12:26

Aw. Perhaps they could get him a cake too and he could blow the candles out on it as the bride and groom cut their wedding cake?

He does realise that other people also share his birthday? And some babies will be born on it? And some people, through no fault of their own, might be so inconsiderate as to die on it?

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