To ram my neighbours wind chime up her arse?

[NeitherTheChimeNorThePlace]

It's 2 ft from my bedroom window, it serves no purpose and I like to sleep with the window open.

It's all I can hear.

Sticking it up her arse may be tricky but cutting it down in the middle of the night?

Oh I love chimes.

Can she possibly be asked to take it down at night before you snip it?

Have you gone round at told her that it is disturbing your sleep? Tbh i think i would cut it down on a windy evening and feign ignorance if she enquires where it might be.

Ha! Do it. Most ridiculous invention ever. They are literally pointless.

Or you know - go and ask her to take it down

It depends, one is a rather violent sexual assault and the other is vandalism - which would you prefer to be arrested for?

She's not very approachable. When I told her that her dog shat on my doorstep she told me to fuck off.

I don't mind the heavy wooden type but this just jingle jangles. It's bloody windy tonight!

YANBU - but only if you insert them sideways!

I buried my neighbour's windchime in his compost heap when he was out, I would not have gone near his arse.

YANBU

I feel your pain. Tuneless plonking for tasteless plonkers. I used to spend hours imagining ways to silence my former neighbour's WC. Once she moved out and rented the house out, I spared no time in hopping over the fence to destroy the bloody thing.
If I ever live next door to a WC again, I will ask the owner to take it down on Day One - it's intolerable and no-one should have to put up with it. Do you know her well enough to ask her to get rid of it, or at least take it down at night?

You need to not just cut it down from the top but cut each individual chime off it so there's no hope of repair.

Love the idea of burying it. Scurrying about in the dark with a shovel won't arouse suspicion will it

Would she jingle when she walked if you did?

YANBU, but if she farts you will be back to square one

Cut it down. Don't stick it up her arse though. Wait until her dog shits on your property again and put the chime in it. Knock on her door and ask her if she'd like it back.

I don't know why but I'm quite surprised someone who lets their dog shit in unsuitable places would even want a wind chime. It just doesn't fit

Oh well, if she's unapproachable then you have to take matters into your own hands. Just don't get caught!

OP you sound so anxious, ask your neighbour of she has a Native American dream catcher you can borrow, they're great at spiriting away all grumpy thoughts.

I like a windchime but in films they are always the signal that something sinister is about to happen......................such as insertion of said chimes into someone's rectum.

After closer inspection it's hanging on one of those little hooks. I'm just going to take it down when it gets dark. It's ok for her her bedrooms round the other side of the house.

You are harsh Blue.

I have two lovely wooden plonky ones and they make me feel all zen.

OP, I feel your pain. I hate the damned things. We were given one as a present once by DH's family and he insisted on hanging it on our back porch. A few weeks later it went missing mysteriously. He never noticed.

If she's letting her dog shit on your doorstep though, op, I wouldn't hesitate to commit an act of sabotage.

I hate the bloody things too, sounds like she's a thoroughly selfish neighbour.

I like it Neil, good idea.

Sqoosh, I am anxious. I've worked a 12 hour shift today, got another one tomorrow and have insomnia. Those chimes could be the death of me!

I'm thinking a glue filled water pistol...

Cornettoninja- when you say "take matters into your own hands", you are talking about the wind chime, aren't you?

You'll have to do it quiet.
Which might be hard since they're windchimes....