To expect my mum not to have her second wedding the same summer as my first?

[MadameLeBean]

Starting to hate all things wedding related argh! We plan to get married August 2015 but cannot book/announce it yet due to finances etc. my mum knows how I have been hoping for years to fix a date (well month/yr) and now have.

She has just told us her partner (who btw she got together with more recently than me and DP did) has proposed and they are thinking June 2015!

Aibu to ask her to reconsider the date (ideally the year) given we have lots of overseas relatives who will only be able to come over once in any given year? And given they will be announcing their engagement first, everyone will plan around their wedding?

Am prepared to be told I am a brat.. And no I do not want to have them at the same time (am I totally unreasonable to not want my mum to steal my thunder?)

Overseas relatives include my brother in Australia btw. And lots of family in holland. We are in uk.

Is she planning a big wedding full of overseas relatives?

I appreciate what you're saying about overseas relatives but at the moment you haven't got a definite date for your wedding so i think it's a bit much to ask your mum to move the date of hers (especially by a whole year!).

When do you envisage that you are actually going to book something? At the moment no-one has any firm plans as far as i can see...

Won't be big but my brother will have to come and close family in holland are mostly my mums sisters so...

Why don't you plan your weddings really close together so people can attend both? Yours one week and theirs the next?

Arranged your honeymoon if you can afford one after the second.

Is this rare for her it does she have a habit of this sort if thing?

If it's rare I'd wonder if it's crossed wires and her not realising the implications of family and travelling. If it's just another example of her trying to get one over on you then :(

I think YABU, yes.

If it was the same month you could feel a bit piqued, but the same summer is fine imo.

We will book and invite people six to nine months before. That is when we will be able to financially.

Its tricky because of the overseas relatives but yes, YABU. Because your mum could have written this too, couldn't she? The fact it's her second wedding is neither here nor there. It's an unfortunate coincidence - life is full of them.

Holland isn't that far away. And it's not hers and her partner's fault your wedding announcement has been delayed for so long.

You need to get a shimmy on, pick a date and send out Save The Date cards

Your mama might not have realised that you have finally settled on a firm date as you have been hoping for years to set the date

Nb you do know that weddings don't have to be £££

It's not even the same month it's fine. You are being bridezilla!

Double wedding, it's the only answer

Yes, YA most certainly BU.

Your Mum is a person too.

She's not deliberately trying to be insensitive - she is just excited and thinking about herself which is of course normal and fine. But I'm miffed that now we may have to announce ours earlier if we want my brother to come. And plan ours around her wedding, when it should be about me and my DP.

So you haven't even confirmed when your getting married? Bit off to get precious about a date then.

The idea of both weddings close makes sense given you have people you want to travel

Why don't you move your wedding to 2016 particularly if finances are tight, it will give you more time to save up. Your wedding really truly is not more important than your mother's, irrespective of length of relationship etc. Sorry.

Okay, I accept i am being bridezilla

Thanks.. Please don't be too mean! I've just been looking forward to announcing it and planning it and now it's like playing second fiddle.

Why should it all be about you and your partner? Why are you more important?

Is she even having a large wedding?

No, you cannot dictate to relations when they marry.

You could see if she is open to the idea of a double wedding as it seems your main concern is possible travel plans of some far-flung people you intend to invite.

If you cannot afford to bring your wedding forward by 2 months, then perhaps having more time to save would be blessing in disguise and go for 2016.

And plan ours around her wedding, when it should be about me and my DP.

Ok YABVVVVU. Find a way to be less self involved, or the next year is going to be horribly fraught. Yes your wedding is about you and DP. Correct. Please see that it's this other stuff that you're riled about that isn't.

Okay so I either need to grow up and plan them very close together so overseas relatives can come.. Or move mine to 2016.

We have got a date as firm as my mum does - she hasn't booked it either

Can't you just have a word with your brother? You don't have to announce earlier.

You haven't planned, announced or booked anything but you want your mum to put her wedding on hold until you do. If you're really bothered you need to pick a date/send save the date cards. Otherwise you are being U!

Rootypig - yes that is what I meant. OUR wedding should be about me and my DP.