To expect my mum not to have her second wedding the same summer as my first?

[MadameLeBean]

Starting to hate all things wedding related argh! We plan to get married August 2015 but cannot book/announce it yet due to finances etc. my mum knows how I have been hoping for years to fix a date (well month/yr) and now have.

She has just told us her partner (who btw she got together with more recently than me and DP did) has proposed and they are thinking June 2015!

Aibu to ask her to reconsider the date (ideally the year) given we have lots of overseas relatives who will only be able to come over once in any given year? And given they will be announcing their engagement first, everyone will plan around their wedding?

Am prepared to be told I am a brat.. And no I do not want to have them at the same time (am I totally unreasonable to not want my mum to steal my thunder?)

MadameLeBean - if this is that important to you.... can I suggest that you change your date - either to the year after, or as someone has suggested close to your mums so everyone can come to both.

YABU to expect your DM to change her plans for something you are only, at thi point in time, thinking about. Very entitled

Actually OP, i think if you want someone to come all the way from Oz, only giving them 6 months notice isn't really fair when you konw you'll be getting married then now. Why not call your DB and find out when in Summer 2015 (as in, UK summer not his!) he could come over and arrange around that. If it needs to be a cheaper, smaller wedding so you can do it when he can be over, so be it.

for holland, that's not that far or expensive, if people can stay with you/your mum, I can easily see they could do 2 weekends over 2015 to weddings without much drama, it's your DB that'll be the issue as he probably can only come over once.

Get your date set at least with him, talk to him about what suits him/his family (does he have to fit round school holidays there? Could he come over in June with his family even if your mum wanted him too?). And then if your mum wants to arrange her wedding around yours, so be it.

But you can't refuse to arrange yours yet then be annoyed that you'll have to fit roundyour mum's dates if you want others there, you have the opportunity to do the opposite, to arrange first and let your mum fit round you.

Get it done. Few venues will expect a large deposit before 9 months before the wedding, so you might not be any worse off than if you arranged later on, but if you leave it you might have less choice. Summer weekends are busy (and you'll need a saturday wedding if you want your Holland based family to come over easily, as it is they would probably have to fly over on the Friday, back on the sunday, if you minimise the time off work for them then they are more likely to come), leave it any later and you might be limited on venue options anyway and not be able to get cheaper ones.

Jobs for this weekend, call your brother, call some venues! Stop worrying about your mum! (she might want to do an overseas wedding anyway!)

I think I agree with angeltulips

rootypig maybe we are talking at cross purposes. I'm very tired
Did I mention that you should elope OP?

Also be aware, your mum might want ot make the most of your DB being over for your wedding and arrange hers the week or two afterwards, this might limit your honey moon options if you have to be back for that. ooh, can you convince her to have hers somewhere in Europe that's easy for the Holland side to get to, that your DB would enjoy visiting when over and you and your new DH can have yoru honeymoon there/near by???

I think you should talk to your Db first. Along the lines of 'Theres 2 family weddings coming up, how would you be fixed for 2 trips?', even a year apart thats a lot of expense from Oz, esp if he has family. Also 6-9 months notice on long haul fares isnt much. The magic number is 300 days, when fares are launched and you are likely to get the beat deals.

Even if the weddings are in 2015 and 2016 would ppl travel from Australia for both?
It's a hell of a journey and not one that most ppl seem to make often. Certainly not annually.
The most convenient thing would be to book them very close (making sure you can get a honeymoon), or to not have the same ppl at each wedding.
So you need to chew it over with your DM.
If I were in the DM's shoes I'd be very keen not to impede on my daughters big day.

Oh the solution is so simple.
Attend your DMs wedding with all the family present. Let her worry about keeping them all happy
Then elope.
May I suggest: Turkes and Caicos as a initial consideration?

Thanks angel tulips. Yes I will ask her if she will consider having hers earlier. I wouldn't ask her to wait for us.

I would give my brother more than 6m notice btw! I have actually just spoken to him and he said he will make it work to come for both weddings even if they are only a couple of months apart. Bless!

YABU.

It's not your thunder and it's not all about you.

I think you are being a bit U.

My Dad got married 6 weeks after me. It didn't phase me at all (although was a bit upset that we weren't invited, but that's another thread!)

Does you brother need to come for the weddings at all? Maybe you could visit him after the wedding, or catch up with him before or after at your Mum's wedding. Much as I love my sisters, I wouldn't travel half way across the world just to see them getting married.

It sounds like you are very focussed on the day itself. Are you planning a big wedding?

I do think you where being unreasonable but equally it is not something I would do to my DCs and I would hate them having to wait. Your brother sounds lovely and have a beautiful day whenever it is.

Until you book it you can't really be requesting your Mum changes her date really. How does she know that you are serious about August 2015? Becaise if you can't afford a small deposit to book it how likely will you be able to foot the bill in a years time?

Really Beryl? I've been expected to go to Australia 3 times for my sisters' weddings, not sure they would have been happy if I'd said no (although they would have understood I suppose).

However i do think it's a bit much if your brother has to come twice in a couple of months OP! It'll cost him a fortune and he'll be knackered. I know he's offered but I'd try and avoid that if possible.

"The magic number is 300 days, when fares are launched and you are likely to get the beat deals."

Some open up 355 days ahead, some 364!

Yeah but it will be expensive Sarinka and what about annual leave etc. I wouldn't want to do it.

Yes of course will try to avoid the situation where my DB is having to come over twice in 3months but it may well end up being twice in six or eight.

He is a subsea oil engineer with no kids

Oh and we know we can afford things in a years time cos we have some big fixed costs which will stop in April 15.

Yeah I don't mind the flight itself sarinka (and the holiday) it's the expense and the time off work. Of course these may not be issues for ops brother.

Honestly you have very very little chance of securing a venue for August if you're planning to book 6-9 months before. Same goes for florist, cars, do, registrar or church, cake etc etc. August is prime wedding time, and lots of venues and suppliers get booked up early!!

Glad your brother can arrange to go to both. That should be the end of the drama then, no?

I do think ItsAFuckingVase is right sadly, you're going to be limited on options if you want an August wedding on a weekend if you don't move fast - and if you don't go for a weekend, you're going to struggle to get your Holland relatives there.

It might be worth seeing if you can view a venue and if htey will take a low deposit (£200?) to hold the date until 6 months before, at which point you can pay the big deposit. Much better than finding out you can only get a venue that's a lot more expensive or not on the dates you want if you leave it.

Alternatively, do you really have you heart set on a Summer wedding? Could you do a winter wedding instead? Get married say the week between Christmas and New Year, and get your brother over for Christmas...

So, you've taken years to decide something and you're hoping someone who is speedier at arranging something than you will just hang on til you make your big announcement?

If you're engaged presumably people already know you're likely to get married at some point, so surely all you're announcing is when. Just pick a date when your venue is free and tell everyone, how hard can it be?