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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to let DS wear a dress

95 replies

Bigmrsdragon · 18/04/2014 20:58

Okay so a bit of background
I have 4 DCs we adopted DS2 when he was 3 and at age 5 he really loved a Disney princess dress the yellow one from beauty and the beast his favourite character. He would only wear it in the house but he loved it and he still has it in the wardrobe.
DS3 was 3 when DS2 was 5 and he also had a dress because he wanted one like his brother. DS3 was more confident and he was more than happy to wear his dress outside and go out with his doll and pram etc.

Fast forward to now DS3 is now 5 and he still loves his dresses and parks and dolls for Easter he wants a new Disney dress (like the one from Brave) I have said yes and I have already bought it for him for Sunday. He wants to wear it on Sunday to go to the PILs house and again I have said he can because why not if it makes him happy.

Now the problem is SIL who I have posted about before we have different styles to parenting hers is more controlled whereas I am more relaxed. She asked PILs if her DCS could take their new Easter things up on Sunday and PILs said it was fine as DS3 was coming in his dress so my DCs won't be left out.

She has called me in tears saying I am a horrible mother and my DCs will be "mentally fucked up" she said DS2 was one thing but at least he is adopted so I had an excuse but DS3 had a chance to be normal and I have wrecked him.
I told her that she was a horrible women saying that about my children and I hung up. DH phoned PILs and told them what had happened and said that we couldn't come down for Easter all together in case SIL kicks off again.
PILs are gutted as they love all their grandchildren. So we rearranged everything so we are there at lunch and SIL is there at dinner time.

SIL keeps sending me texts with links to children who have wore dresses and are now gay and she seems to think that it bothers me or that I will love my DS less if he was gay. I have ignored her but I am really upset by her attitude.

Is it that uncommon? Should I let DS3 wear what he wants or should I just let him wear it in the house? What would you think if you saw him in a dress?

OP posts:

TooOldForGlitter · 18/04/2014 21:02

If HE wants to wear it, let him. Fuck other people it's a bloody item of clothing.

deemented · 18/04/2014 21:04

If I saw him in a dress I'd think... 'Oh what a lovely little lad, and kudos to his folks for letting him play however he wants to.'

Your SIL is a homophobic twat. Really.

I have a four year old son who loves pink. He has laid claim to his elder sisters lurid pink Hello Kitty hoodie, and wears it all the time. He loves it and as long as he's happy then so am I. He happily tells anyone who questions it that pink is just a colour and he likes red and yellow too.

Let your son wear what he likes, really. And ignore SIL.

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 18/04/2014 21:04

Your SIL is a massive twat. If he wants to wear it let him, sod other people

ICanSeeTheSun · 18/04/2014 21:04

She is homophobic.

What if your DS is gay, I believe people are born gay and it doesn't matter what you do or don't do that person will alway be gay.

I see no issues, it's only clothes

sonlypuppyfat · 18/04/2014 21:04

We can't do everything in life we want to.

Littlefish · 18/04/2014 21:06

Let him wear what he wants. Your dh needs to speak to his sister and make it clear to her that her views are bigoted and are abhorrent to you. if I were him I would then make it clear to her that I no longer wished to have anything to do with her. What a vile woman.

5madthings · 18/04/2014 21:07

Let him wear the dress, my ds3 loves pink and purple and for ages wore dresses, he had a bright pink silk party dress that he loved and tinkerbell dresses etc. They are too small now bit he still has a purple tutu je loves.

GrassIsSinging · 18/04/2014 21:07

Oh FGS. YANBU! My DS used to prance around in fairy outfits at that age. He is 9 yrs old now and a typical stinky, DSi loving boy child, but whether he turns out to be gay or not (I dont care either way), I doubt his fairy outfit stage will have had anything to do with it. Your SIL is a dick.

5madthings · 18/04/2014 21:07

And tell sil to piss off!

ByTheWishingWell · 18/04/2014 21:07

YANBU at all, and your SIL sounds vile.

If I saw a little boy dressed up as a Disney character I would probably smile and think no more of it, just as I would if he were a girl.

Alisvolatpropiis · 18/04/2014 21:07

I'd think he looked adorable. 5 year olds are so little everything looks cute.

Your sil is bonkers. He's 5. Who knows how he will choose to dress as a teen/adult or indeed in a years time. She needs to get a grip.

Tell her to back off in no uncertain terms and make sure your PIL are told by your DH how she is behaving.

The fact she doesn't see your DS2 as being properly part of the family is an additionally ugly trait.

canyou · 18/04/2014 21:08

Ignore her don't feed the hysteria she wwants to create around her.
He is a happy well adjusted little boy playing with his toys and yes that is what dress up is all about using his imagination, let him be.
Plse note this advice comes from a parent who let her DC dress as superman, underpants over his track ends for peace and quiet and took him to mass happy child said his prayers and watched for signs of danger Mummy wished she could have had communion wine at 9 am

theaveragebear1983 · 18/04/2014 21:08

Sounds like he's a pretty happy kid to me, what more would any auntie want? I'm guessing her girls only wear dresses and never trousers, and don't like trains or cars or dinosaurs?! It's only for a short time that our kids can be truly 'free' and innocent and enjoy exactly what they want before society begins to shape them....let him wear his dress with pride!

bluehazegreenfields · 18/04/2014 21:09

Honestly? I would find it strange.

If my opinion, as a random stranger, matters to you, don't let him wear the dress: I suspect it doesn't.

I have to say though this topic comes up SO much on Mumsnet and yet I have yet to see a boy in real life wearing a dress!

sassysally · 18/04/2014 21:09

Before I answer can I ask if you have a daughter and if so,how old?

Gobstopperlemons · 18/04/2014 21:09

Incase you need more confirmation............

Your SIL is a homophobic twat. ??

defineme · 18/04/2014 21:10

Honestly? I would think cute, but possibly being set up for trouble depending on the nature of your child's area/school etc.

I think you're doing the right thing. I think it's impressive your ds s don't care because gender social rules are ingrained by 5.

However, I think the world's a harsh place and your sil's reaction won't be unusual.

5madthings · 18/04/2014 21:12

sassy what is the relevance of the op having a daughter?

I got asked that as I let ds3 wear ddresses and had four boys... I also have a daughter but the assumption was I didn't have agirl and must be desperate for one amd so 'encouraged' ds3 to like 'feminine' things.

Alisvolatpropiis · 18/04/2014 21:12

blue

I've not seen many little boys in a dress but this is more a costume than a straight up dress from Next kids section.

One of my younger cousins was obsessed with my Jasmine outfit when we were little. We swapped clothes a couple of times so he could wear it

A friend of mine, her little brother loved playing with her barbie dolls when he was small.

Children are curious and don't understand the gender roles and rules adults have. They soon learn though, for better or worse.

SergeantJarhead · 18/04/2014 21:13

Your SIL sounds fucking evil.

It's YOUR child. Her opinion does not matter.
I think it's awesome you let your son dress up, I am currently fighting a battle with my 'DM' who thinks my son shouldn't ever be allowed toys/games specifically aimed at girls.

YANBU.

Original poster

Bigmrsdragon · 18/04/2014 21:13

Glad there are others here who are more level headed I guess I am.more worried that people are looking at my DS and thinking the same things that SIL does. He is just a boy and I wouldn't care if he was gay but to have a grown adult express such views have really upset me.
DH is really angry and upset he wants to go to hers and have it out with her but I have talked him out of it as I think everyone needs to calm down a bit first.

OP posts:

Gobstopperlemons · 18/04/2014 21:13

On a little tangent.......

I'm not a lover of pink stuff.... I have a DD. I am all for gender neutral/non gender stereotyping, the child's choice. My MIL bangs on about how all girls love pink and dresses and how I can't fight it. I try to point out that most kids love pink and dresses. Just because I avoid gender stereotyping doesn't mean I ban my dd from pink, just that if I have a ds In the future he's also allowed to wear pink and dresses if he chooses to.......

Sorry for little tangent...,, and breath.

bluehazegreenfields · 18/04/2014 21:14

See the point re the costume.

PollyWhittaker · 18/04/2014 21:15

Totally reasonable. DS (4) went to the school disco in a dress and some of the girls asked him why was wearing a dress. When he showed them how swirly it was, they completely understood

Gobstopperlemons · 18/04/2014 21:15

I would ( very calmly) ask her straight why it upsets her so much.

It is very sad that people still have these views. We have come a long way but no where near far enough.

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