to let DS wear a dress

[Bigmrsdragon]

Okay so a bit of background
I have 4 DCs we adopted DS2 when he was 3 and at age 5 he really loved a Disney princess dress the yellow one from beauty and the beast his favourite character. He would only wear it in the house but he loved it and he still has it in the wardrobe.
DS3 was 3 when DS2 was 5 and he also had a dress because he wanted one like his brother. DS3 was more confident and he was more than happy to wear his dress outside and go out with his doll and pram etc.

Fast forward to now DS3 is now 5 and he still loves his dresses and parks and dolls for Easter he wants a new Disney dress (like the one from Brave) I have said yes and I have already bought it for him for Sunday. He wants to wear it on Sunday to go to the PILs house and again I have said he can because why not if it makes him happy.

Now the problem is SIL who I have posted about before we have different styles to parenting hers is more controlled whereas I am more relaxed. She asked PILs if her DCS could take their new Easter things up on Sunday and PILs said it was fine as DS3 was coming in his dress so my DCs won't be left out.

She has called me in tears saying I am a horrible mother and my DCs will be "mentally fucked up" she said DS2 was one thing but at least he is adopted so I had an excuse but DS3 had a chance to be normal and I have wrecked him.
I told her that she was a horrible women saying that about my children and I hung up. DH phoned PILs and told them what had happened and said that we couldn't come down for Easter all together in case SIL kicks off again.
PILs are gutted as they love all their grandchildren. So we rearranged everything so we are there at lunch and SIL is there at dinner time.

SIL keeps sending me texts with links to children who have wore dresses and are now gay and she seems to think that it bothers me or that I will love my DS less if he was gay. I have ignored her but I am really upset by her attitude.

Is it that uncommon? Should I let DS3 wear what he wants or should I just let him wear it in the house? What would you think if you saw him in a dress?

Michaela "men are gay when they like cocks, not dresses"

It's none of her business what your son wears and I think it's bizarre and a bit disturbing that she's able to get so upset over it. She sounds unstable. As for your boy, lots of boys like dresses, frills and 'girl' things but are steered away by parents obsessed with keeping them within gender stereotypes. You are right to let your kids develop their own likes and be themselves, allowing them that freedom won't change their sexuality or traumatise them, it'll give them the confidence of knowing who they are and accepting themselves.

Your SIL is a shitbag. There is nothing wrong with letting your DS wear what he wants. Mine used to love wearing the princess dresses at playgroup when he was 3 and still loves his sparkly pink teddy now (he's 9.)

The more parents let DC wear and play with whatever they like, irrespective of gender (OK, that doesn't mean let them play with matches, knives or vodka) the better and more open-minded the world becomes.

I've looked after a little boy who loves to wear his big sisters clothes, have his hair and nails done, etc and a little girl who scorns anything pink. They are just learning to express themselves. Nothing more. Just the same as the child who likes guitar t shirts or the one who will only wear flashing shoes.

Your SIL is making a huge fuss about nothing.

I think you ans the grandparents are dealing with her in the best way possible for the children.

There probably isn't anything more you can do about it.

My brother used to wear a girls' nurses uniform at 5. He has not grown up to be a nurse.

I am adopted. I have friends who are adopted. I have five different friends who have adopted children (2 each). We are so blessed have loving families and friends who celebrate what we have. Lives could have been so different and desperate in terms of circumstance. Your SIL is hung up over a small child wearing a cheap bit of nylon for fun. Seriously she has the problem not you. I have a DD that loves boy stuff and a DS that loves pink. Both love trains, cars, pirates etc. Your SIL has serious issues going on,

Tell her to go out and buy a grip.

My grandmother, many years ago, went to the local primary school to talk to them about what it was like when she went to the same school.

She took the class photo with her, complete with boys in dresses.

Virtually every man who fought in WWI would have started life and in many cases school in a dress.

I doubt many wore yellow princess dresses but that's not the point.

And what about Scotland, just because you call it a kilt doesn't stop it being a type of skirt. In some parts of Asia men wear sarongs, they are just what people wear. Does she think all the ghurkas are gay?

And wtf is wrong with being gay anyway?

OP she is the one with at least one problem and needs her head looking at.

Send your SIL a link to Grayson Perry accepting his OBE.

And tell her that she will fuck up her own children by teaching them that being gay is "fucked up".

I certainly would not encourage boys to wear dresses. For play -- maybe ok, but not for going out.

P.s. My 5yo DS is a Hello Kitty fan. And i struggle to find boy-appropriate items.

I have been thinking of the dress as more of a costume and not as a dress. And have been trying to think of Disney type characters that aren't girls and apart from sully in monsters inc woody/buzz in toy story there aren't as many main characters that are male compared to the amount that are female.
So I can understand why ur son wants to dress as his favourite character and will probably end up wearing a dress because of this.
Let him enjoy his Easter outfit.

Your sil is a bigoted, prejudiced woman and I would seriously worry about exposing my dc to a person like her. Her homophobic comment is bad enough, but her comment about your adopted ds is truly vile.

My ds wore a dress occasionally when he was little, because his best friend (girl) always had pretty dresses and he wanted to be likd her. He's 15 now, and straight. As others have said, wearing dresses does not make you gay. Does your sil think that if girls wear trousers or dungarees they will grow up to be butch lesbians?

I really think that you and your family are better off keeping away from your sil, but appreciate it puts your pil in a difficult position. Having said that, if in the future I had a dil who came out with comments like this, I would make it very clear that she is not welcome in my house.

I'd be fairly surprised to see a boy out and about in a dress but it's your (and his) choice. Mine would wear clothes of whatever gender they wanted for dressing up but they would not wear dressing up clothes out of the house - DD never went out dressed as a builder or an astronaut but also never as a princess and neither did DS. Dressing up clothes are for at home and not going out in IMO simply because they might get ruined.
Your SIL is being YABU.

The dress thing is bad enough but I would find the comment about adopted children being in some way mentally fucked up compared to 'normal' children unforgivable tbh. Cut contact with the judgmental cow.

Who cares if it's normal or not, if he is happy. I think you are fab

Wow. Your SIL has issues, doesn't she?

You could a) show her this thread to demonstrate that her attitude isn't shared by the majority of modern Britain.

b) have some fun with it and all turn up there in full Priscilla Queen of the Desert regalia.

Seriously, don't let it worry you. These are obviously her problems, not yours.

She sounds as thick as unfiltered pigshit.

If you want to troll her... do you have her email address? Sign her up to lots of anti-homophobe blogs and mailing lists. George Takei's fb feed is especially great, but as you can't subscribe her to that I'd just take to posting his stuff regularly on your own wall.

People with views like hers don't deserve any credence at all. Tell her you don't agree and if she continues to express her views in front of you or your children you'll cut contact. Your DH supports you so you have the comfort of his back up and don't need to worry about offending his sister.

I also find her comments about your adopted DC just as concerning.

Shut her down with a simple 'your opinion is not welcome here, please keep it to yourself.'

I do party entertainment in costume and spent all day Thursday dressed as the Easter Bunny with a huge frilly skirt and very fancy bunny ears. ALL of the children, not just the girls, had to try on my ears for a bit and fluff my petticoats. Same thing happens with my princess dresses, they all try to climb under my hoop skirts or grab my tiara to try on themselves. It's not the dresses themselves that hold the appeal as such, it's that they're so different and so fancy compared to everyday wear the kids can't help themselves, and naturally the fancy dress stuff that's available for girls is much more showy than what you can get for boys.

Also, I know a lot of perfectly straight men who occasionally dress up as girl characters for a laugh. Check out the Disney Cosplay filter on Pinterest, there's a lot of genderswapped princesses because their costumes are so much more interesting and challenging to make. (I especially love Disney Princess Batman.)

www.pinterest.com/search/pins/?q=disney%20cosplay

Of course he can wear a dress. In any case at his age it's nothing at all to do with sexuality - he just enjoys wearing a dress and there is no harm at all in that.

Does she think women who wear trousers are all lesbians?

You can answer this evil woman in just two words.

Gay men like cocks, not frocks.

She is a massive twat and I agree with pps, her attitude to your adopted child is frankly disgusting. Cow.

He's a child playing dress up, he won't turn into a princess anymore than he'd turn into an alien if he wore that costume. It won't turn him gay and there's nothing wrong with being gay anyway. All that goes without saying but even without the dress debate I'd cut her out of your life because of what she said about you wrecking your children and how she implied there's something wrong with your adopted son. She sounds like a horrible human being who could be harmful to your children.

It's bugger all to do with her. Go at the same time tomorrow for easter, why should your pil's miss out? If he wants to wear a dress let him and be proud that he has individuality.

There are so many pressures to conform to stupid society rules. You are who you are, and well done you for allowing your dc's to have the freedom and intelligence to figure who they are out for themselves. So what if he turns out gay. We should be steering toward living in a world where the person or people you are attracted to or love doesn't define a title like "gay".

Children should be brought up dressing how they like and acting how they like (not misbehaving iyswim). It's a warped way of bringing up children to be so ignorant like your sil is doing. She is raising narrow minded children who will unfortunately have the warped views of their mother.

Your DS sounds ace.

I may be in the minority but if I saw a 5 year old boy wearing a fairy princess dress I would be Gobsmacked - I honestly wouldn't know what to make of it.

My DH would have a complete heart attack if our son ever asked if he could wear a dress - I can't even imagine the carnage if DS wanted to go out in public wearing it.

Maybe I live in a small minded part of a England but I honestly can't think of anyone I know who would encourage or condone boys wearing dresses. I have certainly never come across a boy wearing a dress either.

However, I know my thoughts and opinions are solely mine and other people have very different views - which is allowed in life

However, your SIL's comments were really nasty and uncalled for, and as for sending you links about homosexuality etc, well it's just awful! The comment about your adopted son was also incredibly nasty - your upset is completely understandable and I hope you find the strength to tell her to f*ck off

Your SIL is a selfish homophobic twat. YANBU.