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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to let DS wear a dress

95 replies

Bigmrsdragon · 18/04/2014 20:58

Okay so a bit of background
I have 4 DCs we adopted DS2 when he was 3 and at age 5 he really loved a Disney princess dress the yellow one from beauty and the beast his favourite character. He would only wear it in the house but he loved it and he still has it in the wardrobe.
DS3 was 3 when DS2 was 5 and he also had a dress because he wanted one like his brother. DS3 was more confident and he was more than happy to wear his dress outside and go out with his doll and pram etc.

Fast forward to now DS3 is now 5 and he still loves his dresses and parks and dolls for Easter he wants a new Disney dress (like the one from Brave) I have said yes and I have already bought it for him for Sunday. He wants to wear it on Sunday to go to the PILs house and again I have said he can because why not if it makes him happy.

Now the problem is SIL who I have posted about before we have different styles to parenting hers is more controlled whereas I am more relaxed. She asked PILs if her DCS could take their new Easter things up on Sunday and PILs said it was fine as DS3 was coming in his dress so my DCs won't be left out.

She has called me in tears saying I am a horrible mother and my DCs will be "mentally fucked up" she said DS2 was one thing but at least he is adopted so I had an excuse but DS3 had a chance to be normal and I have wrecked him.
I told her that she was a horrible women saying that about my children and I hung up. DH phoned PILs and told them what had happened and said that we couldn't come down for Easter all together in case SIL kicks off again.
PILs are gutted as they love all their grandchildren. So we rearranged everything so we are there at lunch and SIL is there at dinner time.

SIL keeps sending me texts with links to children who have wore dresses and are now gay and she seems to think that it bothers me or that I will love my DS less if he was gay. I have ignored her but I am really upset by her attitude.

Is it that uncommon? Should I let DS3 wear what he wants or should I just let him wear it in the house? What would you think if you saw him in a dress?

OP posts:

CoffeeTea103 · 19/04/2014 15:35

A boy in a dress looks silly!

Roseformeplease · 19/04/2014 15:50

Really amazing Mum! And really worth reading an article about this in a today's Times magazine. It is behind a paywall but I might be able to send it to you if you are interested.

Your SiL is a twattish cunt bitch and deserves to be told so.

deemented · 19/04/2014 16:02

I totally disagree, CoffeeTea103

I don't think my lad looks silly at all

heyfattynomore · 19/04/2014 16:08

I have to admit though deemented I would think he was a girl.

That's ok if it doesn't bother you but - just saying!

deemented · 19/04/2014 16:15

It's the curls, innit? We get it all the time. Doesn't bother me - or him - whatsoever

SweetSilverSongOfALark · 19/04/2014 16:15

Looking a bit silly is a far cry from saying it will make a child mentally fucked up.

Mine dress as dragons and they look a bit silly but they are happy it makes me smile.

LadyRabbit · 19/04/2014 16:16

YANBU OP. but oh my God your SIL is being v v v Unreasonable. Ignore her. Sounds like she has serious issues. Your DS3 (like mine of he same age) wants to wear a fun Princess dress. Let him, he's way too young to be getting hung up on gender issues etc.

I only draw the line with parents who purposely dress boys as girls and vice versa in their effort to gender neutralise. It's entirely missing the point because you don't cancel one out with the other, but the intention is decent.

Bloody hell. Based on your SIL's theory then my son is going to be the next Julian Clary. And I couldn't care less!!!!!!

earlyriser · 19/04/2014 16:24

Maybe get your husband to wear a dress tomorrow too, and FIL if he is game. Would love to see the look on sil's face at that :-)

Doobydoo · 19/04/2014 16:28

Your PILS sound great as do you and your dh...your SIL dosen't!

Thudercatsrule · 19/04/2014 16:28

I have 2 boys and to be honest I wouldn't let them wear a dress in or outdoors, but I think what what your SIL is terrible. What you wear does not have anything to do with your sexuality at that age!

BorsetshireBlue · 19/04/2014 16:52

DS3 likes to dress up in his friends princess dresses and I have no issue with that. I wouldn't buy him one for regular everyday wear, although I can't really put my finger why.

Enough people take issue with DS2 (7) doing ballet, so I think DS3 in a dress would push them over the edge. (FWIW DS loves ballet, but wouldn't be seen in a dress).

Ploppy16 · 19/04/2014 17:45

one of the lovely things about working with young children is that they dress up in whatever they want regardless of the colour or style of the clothes or who they are 'meant' for. it's great to watch!
your SIL is an arse for the comments about the dress but she goes above and beyond vile for the rest of her comments, I would struggle to get over that in all honesty.
(fwiw when I was painting my DD's and neices toenails yesterday they pestered my 13 yo DS to have his done too. He relented and let me do his in a fetching shade of peach
His 'sort of girlfriend' thinks it looks great!)

maddy68 · 19/04/2014 17:48

If I saw a young boy in a dress I wouldn't think he was gay or anything? But I would think it would be strange to wear it to go out to the pils. I would think you would make an effort to get a bit more dressed up yo visit than you do at home. Nothing wrong with letting him wear them at home but I think social decorum would take precedence over his wants. It's ok to say no to children!

Jbck · 19/04/2014 17:52

When DD1 was at nursery keyworker had to split up her and her friend (littleboy) as they were wrestling around on the floor over something they both wanted. It was a Snow White costume
DD was aleays annoyed if he arrived earlier than her as he made a beeline for the dress everyday.
He's a strapping 13 year old and they've reconnected at Secondary school and are looking at each other in a different light. Just hope I don't need to split up the wrestling.

frogslegs35 · 19/04/2014 17:53

Your SIL is vile, absolutely disgusting.

I've never seen a lad wearing a dress outside his home in real life.
Friends have told me their sons have worn their sisters dressing up clothes at home but never have they encouraged nor allowed them to be in public while wearing them.
I have 3 sons and I wouldn't encourage it neither. I've never had an issue with them playing with dolls/pushchairs etc.. They've chosen pink tshirts, boxers, socks while shopping but I'd just not have allowed them to wear a dress in public.
It's certainly not from the viewpoint that I think it would 'make them gay' (how absofuckinglutely idiotic btw) it's more to do with the fact they could be bullied for it.
I'm curious if this 'made to be gay' thing works the other way?
Is it my mums 'fault' that my dsis is a lesbian because she allowed her to play football and wear trousers? :)

Ploppy16 · 19/04/2014 17:59

If I was feeling particularly evil myself I would be asking my DH to see if he could find a dress in his size to turn up in...
But I tend to use strange humour to let off steam and admittedly have a slightly warped sense of humour. I understand though that it would make an already bad situation worse and would probably upset your IL's.

smartypants1000 · 19/04/2014 19:51

Your SIL is vile, if you needed more confirmation. I'd block her number and never see her again for the things she has said. Not just the dress, the rest of it.

I'm not sure that I'd let my ds wear a dress outside the house - he shares a dressing up box with his sisters and has worn dresses inside the house but I would be concerned about making him a target for bullies if he wore one outside. I don't think he would want to though. He may have done at 3 though. I couldn't give a hoot if he were gay, btw. But he's your ds, it's up to you, and your SIL is more than out of line. She doesn't sound like someone I'd want around my children and her attitude is definitely more damaging than wearing a dress!

flatbellyfella · 19/04/2014 20:06

Let him enjoy his childhood & have fond memories of his favourite costumes etc: you are NBU

StepfauxWife · 21/04/2014 15:17

YANBU!

About that article in the Times magazine, it's based on a Lori Duron's blog - Raising my Rainbow. Might be worth a google, OP.

Ifpigscouldfly · 21/04/2014 15:43

What as nasty woman. I'd ask her to stop sending homophobic shite and block her.

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