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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sat in the living room in the dark hating DH?

85 replies

Wizardsleeveoh · 17/04/2014 21:31

Hate is a strong emotion but I am fed up if it all.

I'm a SAHM to two lovely children but I am starting to resent DH for it all. He does nothing to help me and uses "I've been working all day" as his excuse. I completely lost it when I went downstairs in the morning and saw that he left a knife in the sink. I know it's only a knife but he couldn't be bothered to wash it so he kef t it for me to wash, despite knowing how stressful my mornings are.

He comes home to cooked meals, clean house and he never runs out of clothes. All this and my youngest is 3 weeks old. I have only peed once the whole day because DD is constantly attached to my breast.

I text DH to give me an hour to myself to be able to poo, shower and just sit with my own thoughts. He replied with "but I have things to sort out on my laptop".. So I waited to see the important things he needed to do. Only renaming fucking pictures!!!

I have had my shower etc but only because I brought DD in with me.

I hate being a SAHM for the reason that I have no adult interaction at all (recently moved so no friends or family here) and I'm doing the same things every dang day. nothing new or spontaneous. suicide is certainly an option bec and I've had enough, I can't even be fucking bothered to worry about spelling and grammar in this post

OP posts:
justmuddlingalong · 17/04/2014 21:33

Show him your post. He has to realise how low you are.

hmc · 17/04/2014 21:34

He's not supporting you at all is he Sad

funkypigeon · 17/04/2014 21:36

(((((Hugs))))))

It's sheer hard work, I know. Is there anyone you can go to for a few days? Just to get a break. Resentment can build up when emotions are running high, especially when you are probably knackered and stressed as well.

You might be depressed? Have you spoken to your GP?
I'd also tell your DH how low you feel, men need it spelt out clearly sometimes.

Flowers
deakymom · 17/04/2014 21:38

at least he is working mine is worse than this and NOT working i came downstairs at four am to find him watching films sweet wrappers everywhere cups plates and all sorts lying around for me to clean up when i told him the time and the fact that the baby has woke me up (and im very ill at the moment) he sodded off to bed and left me to clean it up and deal with the baby i then got less than an hours sleep before waking up with the kids again (i have three) i was then allowed to nap this afternoon while the baby was asleep did he do any housework? nope he went on the laptop and made more of a mess i wish he was at work the kids i can deal with him i want to slaughter sometimes

goodiegoodieyumyum · 17/04/2014 21:39

Your not being unreasonable, your husband sounds selfish, please ralk to someone in real life, it worries me you talk of suicide, do you think you gave PND , can you talk to your. health visitor. Can you ring the Samarations sorry I don't what else to say, a big hug from me

You have to have a serious talk with your husband as well, he needs to be supporting you. He makes me do angry for you.

weatherall · 17/04/2014 21:41

3 weeks in! Omg it used to be that new mums were routinely kept in hospital for 3 weeks. You need to be spending your day in your bed with your baby.

Not cooking this cocklodger's fing dinner!!

Stop doing his washing etc and tell him to grow up and pull his weight.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 17/04/2014 21:41

Don't show him the post, that is terrible advice. How will he react to that, think about it!

Have a good fucking moan here, someone will know exactly how you feel and help you get through tonight, then tomorrow.

WestieMamma · 17/04/2014 21:43

YANBU 'working all day' is not a valid excuse for leaving you to do everything. Does he not want to be involved with his baby? My husband is out of the house for 14 hours a day and thinks the highlight of his day is the half hour he gets to spend with his son as he puts him to bed.

justmuddlingalong · 17/04/2014 21:45

Don't show him the post, that is terrible advice. In your opinion Stillstaying. Mumsnetters all give different advice. Your opinion is not the only or correct one.

eightandthreequarters · 17/04/2014 21:49

Hand him the baby. Walk out the door for an hour to calm down. No harm will come to the DC. You need a short break before all this breaks you, and he needs a wake-up call as he's acting like a selfish git. When you have calmed down, come home and start discussing changes in the way your home operates.

YANBU.

MaryPoppinsBag · 17/04/2014 21:49

Stop running round after him. Let the unimportant parts of the housework go. Stop doing his washing and his ironing. If you do have to cook tea make him look after the children.

Have you been signed off by your midwife? If not speak to her or ring your health visitor. In fact it's bank holiday tomorrow can you call the on call midwife team? You need some help, you shouldn't be feeing like this.

Thanks
MaryPoppinsBag · 17/04/2014 21:50

Feeling!

eightandthreequarters · 17/04/2014 21:50

And showing him your post is, IMHO, an excellent idea. Before you walk out the door, pop this in front of him.

Mrswellyboot · 17/04/2014 21:52

Three weeks with a new baby and he's renaming pictures. Is be fuming.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 17/04/2014 21:53

justmuddlingalong of course showing him a thread from mumsnet with advice from strangers is likely to help the situation Hmm.

Are you fucking mad, how will that help OP.

justmuddlingalong · 17/04/2014 21:56

No StillStaying I'm not mad. I'm putting my suggestion on a public forum, do you have an issue with that?

Original poster
Wizardsleeveoh · 17/04/2014 21:57

Sorry for the slow response. I didn't show him the post but I did go upstairs to try to speak to him only to over hear him bitching about me to his mum on the phone. I stood outside the whole time listening to what he was saying. I won't repeat it here because I'm so upset and angry right now I wasn't even going to come back on mumsnet but it's this or walk out the door forever.

What have I done? I gave up everything for that bastard.

OP posts:
Bettercallsaul1 · 17/04/2014 21:58

If you are feeling this bad, OP, you must speak to your husband immediately and get some support. He needs to know right away how desperate you're feeling - if you can't get the words together, show him your post.

You don't say if you've already tried to tell him all this but, if you've been managing to keep things ticking over perfectly with laundry, meal preparation etc, he probably doesn't realise the depth of the depression and despair you're feeling. Some of it will be exhaustion - you're obviously pushing yourself far too hard with the household chorse and looking after a newborn. Your husband needs to take responsibility for the children at the weekend - preferably take them out of the house - while you relax or sleep.

Also, with a three-week-old, you may well be suffering from hormonal post-natal depression too. Make an appointment with your GP as soon as possible and describe how you feel.

It is exhausting to have a new-born and other children to look after and, at the moment, you have no outside support from friends and family. Instead of staying in and cleaning, join a mother-and- toddler group and get out of the house - you need to start building a network of new friends as soon as you can. Change your priorities and put yourself first - leave your husband's clothes for him to launder and don't worry about the house being tidy. Your only concern right now is your own mental and physical wellbeing.

justmuddlingalong · 17/04/2014 21:59

Op, do you have family or friends you can phone to come over, like right now?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 17/04/2014 22:01

I have an issue with you telling a vulnerable new Mother to show her dp a thread on an anonymous internet forum that she [ and the subsequent responses of course] thinks he's rubbish.

Yes , that'll sort it Hmm, that'll help.

RunLikeSomeFeckersChasing · 17/04/2014 22:01

New baby and emotions will be running high. He sounds like a gormless sack of shite in general and bitching to anyone about you is beyond the pale. Try but do try to stay calm for your LO though.

Topaz25 · 17/04/2014 22:02

StillStayingClassySanDiego He needs to know how low OP is feeling, urgently since she's suicidal, she's written her feelings down to share them here, maybe that could help her explain them to her husband.

Bettercallsaul1 · 17/04/2014 22:02

If you are feeling this bad, OP, you must speak to your husband immediately and get some support. He needs to know right away how desperate you're feeling - if you can't get the words together, show him your post.

You don't say if you've already tried to tell him all this but, if you've been managing to keep things ticking over perfectly with laundry, meal preparation etc, he probably doesn't realise the depth of the depression and despair you're feeling. Some of it will be exhaustion - you're obviously pushing yourself far too hard with the household chorse and looking after a newborn. Your husband needs to take responsibility for the children at the weekend - preferably take them out of the house - while you relax or sleep.

Also, with a three-week-old, you may well be suffering from hormonal post-natal depression too. Make an appointment with your GP as soon as possible and describe how you feel.

It is exhausting to have a new-born and other children to look after and, at the moment, you have no outside support from friends and family. Instead of staying in and cleaning, join a mother-and- toddler group and get out of the house - you need to start building a network of new friends as soon as you can. Change your priorities and put yourself first - leave your husband's clothes for him to launder and don't worry about the house being tidy. Your only concern right now is your own mental and physical wellbeing.

CumberCookie · 17/04/2014 22:03

If you are thinking of suicide you need help. Talk to your partner and go to your GP. www.mind.org.uk/ this might help.

MaryPoppinsBag · 17/04/2014 22:04

Do you have a friend or family member you can speak to?

I really don't know how you are holding your cool. The fucker would be kicked out if it were mine. Angry
I'm angry on your behalf. And his fucking mother should know better.