to be sat in the living room in the dark hating DH?

[Wizardsleeveoh]

Hate is a strong emotion but I am fed up if it all.

I'm a SAHM to two lovely children but I am starting to resent DH for it all. He does nothing to help me and uses "I've been working all day" as his excuse. I completely lost it when I went downstairs in the morning and saw that he left a knife in the sink. I know it's only a knife but he couldn't be bothered to wash it so he kef t it for me to wash, despite knowing how stressful my mornings are.

He comes home to cooked meals, clean house and he never runs out of clothes. All this and my youngest is 3 weeks old. I have only peed once the whole day because DD is constantly attached to my breast.

I text DH to give me an hour to myself to be able to poo, shower and just sit with my own thoughts. He replied with "but I have things to sort out on my laptop".. So I waited to see the important things he needed to do. Only renaming fucking pictures!!!

I have had my shower etc but only because I brought DD in with me.

I hate being a SAHM for the reason that I have no adult interaction at all (recently moved so no friends or family here) and I'm doing the same things every dang day. nothing new or spontaneous. suicide is certainly an option bec and I've had enough, I can't even be fucking bothered to worry about spelling and grammar in this post

Sorry x-posted. I'm sorry your partner is being so insensitive, maybe he doesn't realise how low you are feeling. Do you have friends or family you can call? You can also call the Samaritans for support on 08457909090

I've never used 'LTB'. But the way you've said you are feeling in your post I would, I'd think about why you let him stay first and write a list of pros and cons to your relationship and his parenting and see if you can talk to him and he's willing to change and to try harder.

If not, you'd probably be less stressed if you weren't together you wouldn't have to keep thinking about how utterly selfish he is and the mess he leaves plus he would then be forced to spend some quality time with his dc and you get a break whilst he builds a relationship with them. I feel angry for you OP, your doing a fab job and you are not being unreasonable he's being an asshole. I hope his mother set him straight and understands life with a newborn.

OP, tell him how dreadful you feel, call the Samaritans and post on here.

It's awful that you feel so bad.

You have lovely children, stay strong!

THREE WEEKS bloody hell OP! sympathies

side story but my friend had a home birth, and said only disadvantage was that within hours she was washing up, such if life its so hard

your baby is tiny, you need rest, go on fucking strike , no dinner, no housework and get him to help.

You have a 3-week old so your DH should be right at the bottom of your list of priorities right now. He comes last after a.) baby b.) other kid(s) c.) yourself so you can take care of a.) and b.) and lastly laundry & food for a.) b.) and c.). He is a grown man he can wash his own clothes and cook his own food for a while. Actually for his whole life. My DH is pretty much self-sufficient and always has been.

As a SAHM your job is taking care of your children, not taking care of a man-child. Obviously if you are cooking and doing laundry anyway and he happens to get food and clean clothes along the way then that's fine but he should not have any expectations. He's not the priority and not the reason that you are a SAHM - your children are.

You say you feel depressed as a SAHM - I know how you feel. I've been an unwilling SAHM (visa issues) for the last 2 years and it's bloody boring. I can't wait to go back to work. Do you think you could go back to work at all or is just not an option due to childcare costs or other issues?

I'm beginning to think we need to rethink the tradition of new mothers 'lying in' for three weeks postpartum and go back to those old days.

YANBU OP, not at all.

I know what you're talking about with the knife thing, it's proof he's leaving it for you to do (because no other fucker does it so it has to be you) as though it's something you'll value and enjoy

Any response other than 'sorry, I'll sort for next time' when you pick him up on it is bollocks, you're not fucking staff.

What was he saying on the phone to his mum? Could he have been looking for advice? What kind of relationship do you have with her?

Hang on in there pet

Sorry about the double post.

OP, when your husband emerges from his phone call, you must tell him how upset you feel. Without blaming him - which just automatically results in a defensive response - just tell him you are exhausted and depressed and together try to plan a course of action to put things right. Ask him to take the children for some part of the weekend so that you can rest - just knowing in advance that this is going to happen will help you cope. Tell him that household standards are inevitably going to suffer unless he pitches in - that way, they cease to be your sole responsibility.

Most of all, try to get out and about with your baby - the very act of getting out of the house will be good for you. Join a mother-and-toddler group (or two) - you need company and empathy from other mothers. Isolation is very bad for your mental health.

Look I don't know about your relationship but from a practic point of view...

*Get out of the house for at least a few hours with the children.

• find a toddler group

*stop washing his knives

• claim some time when he takes toddler and you go fir peaceful walk/coffee with newborn

And don't be a martyr. Make him do his share of housework. If he doesn't do it then leave it. Start thinking about things you would like to do- exercise class in a couple of months etc

thenightsky - I couldn't agree more. New mothers are cast out on their own far too soon nowadays, before recovering properly physically or emotionally. Birth is a major life event. It's ok if you have plenty of willing support from family members or friends but otherwise it is only too easy to get into a cycle of exhaustion and depression.

Bettercallsaul1 And back in the days when there was a 2 or 3 week lie-in, families were much more supportive and tended to live close by, so that 'lie in' should be even MORE important nowadays with family often away by miles.

Why should the OP live in shite for fuck knows how long though Ubik1? She shouldn't have to wait on her DH to decide when he's going to pull his weight.

Even if she didn't have a 3 week old baby she couldn't make him do his share of housework, that's the pisser. If she leaves the knife/shreddies on the floor/bins overflowing, it's punishing herself because he's out the house all day and she's got to live in a shit tip.

DH invalidates my feelings anyway so there's no point in wasting my time talking to him about it. He always turns it back on me and makes the conversation about how hard life is for him. it's hard for me too! I have no friends and no family here at all. I gave it all up moving this far for him. I've given up so much for him and he couldn't give a shit if I sacrificed my last breath for him.

I'm breastfeeding my daughter right now. Gosh she really is beautiful and yet I feel so guilty that I wish both my DC's weren't here so that the decision to end it all would be much easier. I feel so selfish for even thinking about suicide. I should be happy. I have two beautiful children.

Agentzigzag he knows that I physically can't live in a shit tip and will pick up after him eventually. He comes home very late, eats and goes upstairs to go on his laptop. So he wouldn't be around the mess for long if I was to leave it. I also can't let my DS be in a filthy house as he has dust allergies.

I'm only speaking from experience havjbg hsd yhree children under thr age of five at one point.

Going from one child to two is a big adjustment fir the whole family. Massive.

Her DH needs to get with the programme - but this requires communication. I found it helpful to set my own boundaries. At that time i decided I will not be a slave to housework. If he wants a dinner cooked every night, he can cook it himself. If he needs a shirt or something, he can wash it himself.

I remember how hard it us with small children, forgetting housework/cooking and getting out was my lifeline.

Ok forget my previous posts. If you are contemplating suicide I want you to ring a doctor. Ring OOH. Tell your husband. Now.

Ubik1 what did you do when you got out of the house? I either take DS to the park every day to allow him to blow off steam and interact with other children or we go Asda shopping. That's all I do.

Don't leave your DCs OP, they need you.

I think you really need to get some outside help if you feel that low, do you think you're able to ring NHS Direct? Sitting in the dark and feeling suicidal isn't how it should be, and it can't wait until you can get a doctors appointment whenever.

Has your DH always treated you with such a lack of care? Or is it something he's only just started doing/you've only just noticed?

I was just wondering whether you having such a small baby is skewing how you feel? Could that be happening do you think?

If he's always like that you have to decide whether it's something you can't live with any more. But IMO that's not a decision you should be taking right this minute because you have the baby.Can you give it a certain amount of time, like a month, and look at it again then?

In the meantime, if your DH is no help you need to tell someone else, any family or friends you can call? Doesn't matter about what they think, you need some support and I bet they'd be more than willing to give it.

My husband is fast asleep. He's fallen asleep while using his laptop. I'm glad anyway, I don't want him in bed right now. Talking to him is pointless, he never listens and makes me feel as if I'm going mad or I've lost my mind to feel the way I do.

Op
I went to toddler groups. And I don't consider myself a toddler group person. But I tried a few, found one I liked and made some good friends, all if whom had bad days too.

Remember that having a tiny baby and a toddler is tough, really tough. You don't have to be perfect, you need to be kind to yourself.

But if you are having thoughts about ending it all then you need to tell your husband and speak to HV and dr.

You are not going mad. You are overwhelmed and under helped. Have you recently moved to where you are now?

Agentzigzag, he constantly invalidates me. What and how I'm feeling is 'just you being emotional' or 'over reacting' My mistake was marrying him and having children with him.

I'll call Samaritans but I've dealt with them once before and the lady I spoke to couldn't have given a shit. It made me feel worse instead.

justmuddlingalong, I moved here when I was 36 weeks pregnant because of DH's work.

You could have a chat to one of the nurses at NHSDirect/24 about how you are feeling.

Rotten shame. You deserve so much better.

Just look after yourself, your DCs, plus enough house-cleaning for your DS's allergies.
Do NOT do anything for your selfish swine of a DH: no meals, no laundry, no ironing etc - cook your meals when he's at work, don't put his stuff in the machine.

Any local mum & baby groups you could join, to make friends ? Even an hour in a coffee shop ?