....in telling MIL her fortune after one too many passive/aggressive sulks?

[Milmingebag]

I have sent an email calling her on her behaviour. My DH is a spineless git who refuses to have a word even when he knows she is bang out of order.

Brief outline - she has stayed with us over a week. She came down to visit and when I asked my DH how long she was staying she said he didn't know. She seemed to have an aggrieved air about her from the off.
She has used a clipped tone, demanded to go to bed at 8.30pm and generally created a frowsy atmosphere by eye-rolling, giving one word answers and going off on huge moaning rants on other occasions about teaching/government/weather etc. ESP when you are trying to watch something. She has this habit of talking over me too.

On the second day of her visit she announced she was following a 'paleo' plan although she was still having bread/pasta/pots etc . I asked her if she could give me any idea of what she would like me to cook and she said she would have what we were having. So I tried to think around it. I cooked a huge spag Bol but let her do her pasta, cooked salmon,three bird roast, fried breakfast and did a huge spread with cheeses,nuts,meats,olives etc that would accommodate her latest food enthusiasm.

When she left she pointedly said goodbye to everyone but me. I stuck my head out the door and said 'er goodbye then' and she just turned and got into the car rude cah. Now we hadn't had words and this was weird given how much time and effort I had put into making her comfortable.

My DH has just returned from her house after working on her garden for a couple of days with my eldest son. Before they left she told him that she had told me that she had particular dietary requirements and that I had fed her the opposite of everything she had outlined to me. He told her perhaps I was confused and had thought the opposite which he knows is bullshit as he knows what we have been eating. I am really pissed off with him.

I am fuming and have just emailed her outlining all the thought that went into meeting her requirements with little notice. I have probably created a bit of a shit storm but she is routinely sulky and prone to creating atmospheres and after a week of her shit I just have reached
my limit. AIBU?

Definitely heading into cantankerous shrew with everyone but ESP shrewish with DIL's. She is really nasty about other DIL comparing her to the Shrek donkey. Other DIL is lovely person and naturally very pretty.

At my DH's brothers wedding all the guests buggered off and left her after she threw an almighty strop the night before the wedding. To say she can be hostile is an understatement....

Wonder if prep h works on a cat's bum mouth?

I'd love to spend time with her just to wind her up. I'd have been in stitches at the 'almighty strop'.

About what time can we expect her to have gotten the email and your dh to have been informed? been checking in all day

Nothing yet.I have just checked her library in Herts and it is closed - she takes her computer there as she refuses to pay for broadband. Unless she chisels into the Wetherspoons to check it is likely to be before Tues.

Am forwarding my email to DH tonight and will respond calmly/ behave surprised if he questions me.

Unlikely

Good for you, OP. Sounds like you're all but done with her.
I'm so glad I have a good MIL. I'd have been divorced by now if I'd have had on like yours.

The straight jacket is absolute genius and the lists of 'suitable' gifts.

Any chance you could hack into her wishlist and add, erm, stuff? They have other colours if she isn't the blue-rinse type .

Dear God, I've led a sheltered life.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome. If it makes you feel any better, I'd never imagined such things existed until another thread here (about weird products found on Amazon) put me right.

See how she reacts to the email, but I'd be inclined to contact her and say she made it quite clear she was unhappy throughout the visit despite your best efforts. On that basis, you're not convinced that the usual Cheistmas arrangement is appropriate so perhaps she's like to have a think about where she would like to spend it.

I've done something similar to you op. HVent spoken to the inlaws in a couple of weeks.

I'd have enough of feeling like being used and let them know.

My dh is like yours. Although at the minute he's agreeing with me, I'm waiting for the 'it's just what they're like' but until I get an apology I'm not listening.

Good for you OP. She sounds a horror

Well I got a response by email and weird it was too.

She opened the email using therapist speak ' I understand you feel upset about a couple of issues you raised in your email'.....

Firstly she denied not saying goodbye saying she had hugged me and said her thanks and she wasn't sure 'where I had got my memory from'. So a nice bit of gas lighting there.....

Next she went onto say she always appreciated my efforts as a host (liar).

With respect to my DH she said she wasn't there when he told me what she had said and as such couldn't possibly comment.

Both my son and husband confirmed her criticism of me.

Not really sure if she is unwell or a manipulative sociopath to be frank.

I just wouldn't bother with her again OP. Life is too short to have to deal with toxic people like this.

I vote manipulative sociopath. I think she knows exactly what she did and said, and is, as you say, going in for a spot of gas lighting - not that it is working.

I am sorry you didn't get a better response, but if suppose it does confirm that you were right to confront her, and that you may be better off with minimal contact.

Email a slightly reworded version of that fish thing - 'guests are like fish, after three days they should just FUCK OFF IF THEY DON'T LIKE WHAT I'VE COOKED'

Well it explains why all her other relatives live abroad

"Not really sure if she is unwell or a manipulative sociopath to be frank."

You should tell her that.

Ha- She's either a sociopath or she's consulted a solicitor and been told what to write!!!

Thanks everyone- your responses have made me laugh.

Is there any point responding or just leave it be and disengage?

neiljames she used to be a political speechwriter in the States so it seems she has tapped into her old skills base

I have told my DH that he can maintain his relationship with her away from our home which he has agreed to do. When he found out I had tackled it myself he was okay about it and agreed she hadn't behaved well.

Who was she a speech writer for? Nixon???

Leave it be and don't see her again. Especially as your DH has, if not exactly supported you, stopped shouting at you

OP, mil has thought carefully about what to write so as not to accept any blame or apologise. In fact the nasty cow is questioning your recall and almost/indirectly caller you a liar. However you have stood your ground and stood up to her calling her on her bad behaviour so it will be interesting to see what happens next time you see her.

If I had stayed in someone's house and thought for one second I had upset them (un-intentionally!!) then my first response would be to apologise and diffuse the situation.

She's a horror. But you've told her you've got her number, and by the sounds of things she knows it. Watch her be on her very best behaviour in public ... except for little disingenuous "OP doesn't like it when I xxx but I don't, do I? "