....in telling MIL her fortune after one too many passive/aggressive sulks?

[Milmingebag]

I have sent an email calling her on her behaviour. My DH is a spineless git who refuses to have a word even when he knows she is bang out of order.

Brief outline - she has stayed with us over a week. She came down to visit and when I asked my DH how long she was staying she said he didn't know. She seemed to have an aggrieved air about her from the off.
She has used a clipped tone, demanded to go to bed at 8.30pm and generally created a frowsy atmosphere by eye-rolling, giving one word answers and going off on huge moaning rants on other occasions about teaching/government/weather etc. ESP when you are trying to watch something. She has this habit of talking over me too.

On the second day of her visit she announced she was following a 'paleo' plan although she was still having bread/pasta/pots etc . I asked her if she could give me any idea of what she would like me to cook and she said she would have what we were having. So I tried to think around it. I cooked a huge spag Bol but let her do her pasta, cooked salmon,three bird roast, fried breakfast and did a huge spread with cheeses,nuts,meats,olives etc that would accommodate her latest food enthusiasm.

When she left she pointedly said goodbye to everyone but me. I stuck my head out the door and said 'er goodbye then' and she just turned and got into the car rude cah. Now we hadn't had words and this was weird given how much time and effort I had put into making her comfortable.

My DH has just returned from her house after working on her garden for a couple of days with my eldest son. Before they left she told him that she had told me that she had particular dietary requirements and that I had fed her the opposite of everything she had outlined to me. He told her perhaps I was confused and had thought the opposite which he knows is bullshit as he knows what we have been eating. I am really pissed off with him.

I am fuming and have just emailed her outlining all the thought that went into meeting her requirements with little notice. I have probably created a bit of a shit storm but she is routinely sulky and prone to creating atmospheres and after a week of her shit I just have reached
my limit. AIBU?

I think she sounds awful but the biggest twat here is your DH, not much of a DH when he ignores your feelings

Well done OP. Make sure you stick to your guns. Time for DH to stand up to mummy and realise that it is not OK to upset you.

I could not live with someone who stood by and watched me being disrespected like this and just told me to suck it up.

I am just at the present thing. How could anyone be so rude?

Maybe you should start taking the advice of SanityClause above

My DH used to be a bit like yours, kowtowing to his mother, "for an easy life". I had to make it clear that his life was made less "easy" by upsetting me, than by upsetting her.

We did similar to my SIL a few years ago, although I had the fortune to have a supportive husband who actually sent the email.

It's been much better since. When she does see us she is polite, but mostly she doesn't visit anywhere near as often, which is a huge relief.

Oh, she bought you a facial hair trimmer eh?
Next time it's an occasion for handing out the presents, make sure hers is in a fancy box with a big bow on it and looks really expensive. Then watch her face when she opens it and sees that you've bought her a straightjacket. Just smile and say, "I hope it's your size".

hear hear!

neiljames you rock

Genius.

Yes she bought me a facial hair trimmer. I roared with laughter (she didn't expect that) and said I couldn't wait to tell my friends as it was the ultimate MIL gift. It was SUCH a poor gift my instincts were to find the humour in the ridiculousness of it.

she was well put out I wasn't seriously miffed

My best mate said 'whaddda bitch' and went on in graphic detail about what she would have done with said 'gift'.

Any other gift ideas welcome......

OK, I was prepared to assume in her favour she is just a terrible present giver, but if your MIL was actually miffed that you were not upset by it, then she is horrid and well done for tearing a strip off her.

Oh yes and for my wedding present she gave me a pair of second hand bloomers. wtaf
I am not really into Victorian costume it has to be said.....

Now THAT was a weird one.

Frankly I would start ignoring the gift list thing and start buying things that you would like - because then when she leaves them you can keep them

Do you think bright red fly London shoes in my size when she is two sizes bigger might be a bit obvious mistlethrush?

Love your thinking......

I would get her sod all in future, explaining that you couldn't find any good manners on Amazon.

Get her this

You could turn this into quite a fun game. She has a present wishlist, so you make one up, just for her.(don't tell your husband though because he'll stop you)
Here's her new, revised list;
A tube of preperation H pile cream.
Ped egg hard skin remover.
Thrush ointment.
Extra strength mouthwash.
Diarrhoea tablets.
Constipation suppositories.
Athletes foot powder.
Verrucca and corn plasters.
Pubic lice shampoo.

Tell her you've also packed the receipts, just in case she needs to take any of the items back and swap them for something else.

I have just found a couple of books to go on my wish list

'HOW TO BE A GOOD MOTHER-in-LAW'
And
'Reluctantly related- secrets to getting along with your mother/daughter in law'.

On they go..... masterly passive aggressive response

Thank-you everyone. You have really cheered me up x

I might embrace veganism for her next visit.......

Yes. Good idea. Embrace veganism. When you're dishing up, make sure you give her the rudest shaped vegetables you can find.

i like the buy her gifts you want idea.

Nice list neil. I would add:

-worm medicine
-treatment for fungal nails
-those cheapo reading glasses you get in Boots now, in absolutely the wrong prescription
-a washing up brush (used)
-voucher for a day out bungee-jumping
-a copy of Mein Kampf.

Love these inspired lists

I have had used pop socks tan natch in one of those toy dispensing plastic balls before so she is quite hard to outdo....

Some wart remover might be on my to give list mind.

You could always just grind up some industrial strength laxatives to put in her meal. At least it gives you a break from her every 5 or 10 minutes. You could be extra nasty and stealthily keep blowing pepper near her too.(I'd only do that though if you have leather furniture and wood flooring because she'd probably say, "it's your house, you clean it up)

I like you, OP, you know how to tackle a situation!

My suggestion for the PA Christmas hamper is hair thickening spray. You know, that stuff that certain men think makes their bald spot disappear.

I have to say, I smiled when I saw she had got you a facial hair trimmer!

This woman is genius at what she does and I love the idea of dishing it right back

Is she the sort that thinks no woman is good enough for her precious son or is she just a cantankerous shrew with everyone in general?